Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
N othing in Declan’s life had ever been as glorious as being wrapped up with a naked and sated Livia Applewhite, feeling her sweat-slicked skin cooling against his, her hands trailing lazily over his back and shoulders. He wanted to stay here forever, buried inside her until he’d recovered enough for an encore. But as he well knew, there were practicalities to be dealt with.
“Be right back.” With one last lingering kiss, he carefully pulled out and went to dispose of the condom.
She was waiting for him with slumberous eyes when he returned. “Come back to bed.”
“Gladly.” He crawled back in beside her, wrapping her close, so he could stroke the dip of her waist, along the curve of her hip and around to explore the firm flesh of her backside.
Chest to chest, he felt the thud of her heart slowing against his. A thousand and one fantasies bloomed in his head for what they could do in a bigger bed or against a wall or on a counter… But right now, in this moment, he didn’t mind the narrow bed and the necessity of staying tangled up so neither of them crashed off the side of the mattress.
Livia nuzzled into the crook of his neck. “This was worth the wait.”
He couldn’t disagree. Oh, he had no doubt they’d have been good together at eighteen. Young love would’ve made it so. But he didn’t know if he’d have appreciated it quite so much for the precious thing it was.
Or maybe he would have, and it would’ve broken him even more.
“I’m glad we didn’t get to this before.”
She stiffened and began to shove away.
Declan just tightened his grip. “It’s not because it wasn’t amazing. But because if we had crossed this line, having to let you go would have hurt that much worse. And it damn near killed me as it was.”
A furrow appeared between her brows as she settled back against him. “Why did you let me go?”
“Scarlett.” That had and always would be his answer. His daughter came first.
“I know you had to be there for your daughter. You wouldn’t have been the boy I fell in love with if you’d walked away. But you didn’t have to go back to Bridget. I would have supported you.”
Hearing her put into words the thing he’d been too afraid to ask at the time had a whole host of what-ifs swirling in his brain. But he wrestled them back. No point. It was over and done.
“That would have been an enormous amount of pressure on a very new relationship. I don’t know if we would have survived it. Asking you to take on me as a single dad at nineteen? I couldn’t do that to you. I knew going into it, because of my own parents, what that would be like. Not enough time, not enough resources, not enough education. Definitely not enough money. There was never enough of anything. That wasn’t what I promised you.”
“Did you think so little of me? That I wouldn’t want you if we deviated from the plan?”
“No! Never that. But if we’d been able to stick it out, it would have been an enormous stress on our relationship. Especially with what came after, and all the challenges of a special needs child. You wouldn’t have gotten a normal college experience. I certainly didn’t. I ended up not going to UT, as planned. I finished my degree, eventually, but it was mostly online while working full time trying to support us all. I just didn’t think it was fair to you. And maybe I didn’t trust that we could make it because I couldn’t imagine anybody choosing to stay through all of that.” His wife certainly hadn’t, and he still bore the scars of her betrayal. “We were so young.”
Livia lay silent and still for a long while. “We’re not so young now.”
There was something in her tone that had everything in him coiling tight with some mix of hope and dread. “What are you saying?”
She took a deep breath and pushed herself up to look into his face. Her gray eyes were dark as they searched his. “We just found each other again. I don’t want to walk away from this. Not again. Because it’s you, Declan. It’s always been you.”
Emotion clogged his throat, because it had always been her for him, too. Unable to speak, he surged forward to kiss her again, communicating with his body what he couldn’t force past his lips. He loved this woman. Had always loved this woman. He didn’t know what he’d done to earn a second chance with her, but he wasn’t about to waste it.
As her hands skated down his torso and lower to wrap around his cock, he realized he could absolutely go for round two.
Love, the wonder drug.
Bucking into her hand, he was just on the verge of urging her to straddle him when a text tone sounded from his phone. Scarlett.
She was with her grandparents. She was probably just bored. It could wait.
But the tone sounded again. And again in quick succession.
The father in him wouldn’t let him ignore it.
“Put a pin in this for just a minute. I’ve got to check that.”
Scrambling out of the bed, he searched the floor for his pants and dug out his phone, swiping open the screen.
As he read the series of texts, his heart clenched, and his stomach sank.
Scarlett
Mom’s here.
She’s trying to take me with her.
Come. Hurry!
All the blood drained out of his head.
Livia sat up in bed, the covers pooling around her waist. “What’s wrong?”
“I have to go. It’s… It’s Scarlett. Bridget’s at her parents’. She’s trying to take her.”
“Oh my God.” Livia threw the covers back and dove for her clothes. “Of course. Let’s go.”
Even as he thrilled to her ready defense, he was shaking his head. “No, I need to do this on my own.” The last thing he wanted was for Livia to be exposed first-hand to Bridget’s crazy. The woman poisoned everything she touched, and he wouldn’t have her fucking things up again.
Livia paused as she fastened her bra, her face blanking.
Declan knew he’d hurt her, but he didn’t have time to explain right now. He continued to drag on clothes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just I need to go deal with this on my own. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. But I’ll be in touch tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
She’d pulled her dress back on by the time he found his wallet and keys, and Declan realized he couldn’t just leave her here. What kind of asshole would that make him? But the idea of having to drive all the way out to the orchard before leaving for Knoxville had panic unfurling in his chest.
Livia must’ve seen it in his face because she stepped up, cupping his cheek. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll find my own ride back to the farm. Go rescue Scarlett.”
Loving her more than ever for not fighting him on this, Declan pressed one last kiss to her lips. “I’ll be in touch tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.”
With that one word echoing in his ears, he raced out.
The sun was sinking below the horizon as Livia plucked the pages from the printer and retreated up to her room to proofread them. She’d already done that in the file on her computer, but she’d always preferred one last pass on paper. There was something different about holding a document in her hand with a handy dandy red pen, and it was yet one more delaying tactic. But half an hour later, she had to concede that the application was finished.
Because, of course, it was finished. Taking Maggie at her word, Livia had started on her business plan Sunday to distract herself from worry about Declan and Scarlett, this child she didn’t even know. She’d worked on it off and on between visits with Abbey and the rest of the family as she’d waited for any word from him. Now Wednesday and come and gone and there’d been nothing. Nothing but this completed application that represented the dying hope she’d had for a new life.
What was the point of submitting it?
Declan had promised she’d hear from him tomorrow, and it had been four days without a word. He hadn’t responded to any of her texts. She hadn’t called in case he was in the middle of… who knew what? But even in the midst of whatever he was dealing with, how could he not have found a moment to send up a smoke signal or a flare or a simple text to say Tied up. Will get back to you later ? Something to acknowledge that he was still alive? That everything was okay? That he still cared to keep their connection going?
Instead, she’d gotten silence.
God, that cut deep.
It was all too easy to remember how it had felt, going off to school at eighteen, missing out on most of her freshman year by refusing to go out, to meet people, to do anything, because she’d been so committed to waiting for him. So certain the boy she loved couldn’t possibly have abandoned her. How foolish and stupid she’d been to wait for so long. To not read the writing on the wall for what it was. No, the situation hadn’t been what she’d thought. There’d been no malice in his actions. But the end result was the same.
She was quicker on the uptake now, for whatever that was worth. No matter what Declan was dealing with, he didn’t trust or value her enough to be a part of it. That told her everything she needed to know.
Hands trembling, she began opening drawers. When Abbey came in a few minutes later, she’d made it about halfway through, folding all the clothes she’d brought with her on the trip.
“Okay, hiding out to fold laundry is just sad. Why don’t I call up the girls? Maybe we can all go up to Elvira’s for supper.”
The girls were, Livia knew, likely Declan’s sisters. Did they know what was going on? Did she want to find out that he’d been in contact with them and not her? That would be just another twist of the knife.
“I don’t think so.” She set another pair of folded jeans on the pile.
With a sigh, Abbey sank into the chair at the desk, one hand on her exceptional baby bump. Her gaze landed on the application Livia had set to the side. “What’s this?”
“It’s nothing.”
But her cousin was the nosy sort, so she picked it up and skimmed the first page. Her face lit up. “You’re applying for the small business incubator?”
“No, I’m not.”
Abbey paged through. “But this looks like a finished application.”
Livia laid another neatly folded shirt on the stack, aware that there was no need for this level of precision in her packing preparations, but folding gave her something to do with her still shaking hands. “It’s something that I was thinking about doing before.”
“Before what?”
“Before Declan ghosted me again.” There. She’d admitted the truth she’d been avoiding out loud.
Distress raced over Abbey’s face. “Livia… We don’t know what it is.”
Needing to keep moving, she hauled her suitcase out from beneath the bed. “It’s been four days. I know he has to deal with whatever the hell is going on. But he said he’d be in contact tomorrow and it’s been four days . Complete radio silence. He hasn’t responded to anything. Not even to say I can’t talk right now . Nothing.”
“But—”
“No, Abbey!” As the tidal wave of emotion began to crest, she hurled stacks of clothes into the bag, undoing all the careful work folding. “It’s done. I told him how I felt after the ball Saturday. After we…” After they’d slept together and he’d rocked her world. “He didn’t respond in kind.” And there’d been time before the texts came in. Not a lot, but some. He’d kissed her instead. To shut her up? To distract her? Because he didn’t know what to say?
“I am not going to sit around, waiting forever, like I did twelve years ago. Message received. I can’t be here anymore, Abs. I’m going home.”
“Honey, you don’t know that’s what’s going on. You know he had to go deal with that whole situation with Scarlett.”
“I know.” She dragged in a breath, searching for a calm she absolutely didn’t feel. “I know Scarlett has to come first. I get that she’s his daughter, his child. That’s exactly as it should be. But I’m not willing to come last. I am not willing to be an afterthought. I deserve better.” And just once, she wished someone could love her like that.
“You’re right. You absolutely do. But there has to be some other explanation. I just can’t fathom Declan doing this to you again.”
“There probably is an explanation. But at the end of the day, even if it’s unintentional, I’m not a part of his everyday world, and he doesn’t trust me enough or think of me enough to change that. So I’m done. I’m going home in the morning. It’s been great to see you and I wish things had turned out differently. I wish I was better company. I wish that everything had unfolded like we both thought it would. But it didn’t. And I’m done waiting.”
With pointed deliberation, she stepped to her cousin and plucked the application from her fingers, dropping it into the trash, along with her hope that this second chance would be anything more than the resolution of old business.