Chapter 11 – Padraic
Chapter Eleven
Padraic
After dinner, I can’t bring myself to sleep with Cullen.
It’s strange. I can’t seem to stop myself from this urge I have to just…
know more about her. I want to spend time with her.
She stimulates my intellectual curiosity in ways I didn’t expect.
Once she calms down from the bear and I ask her about what she studied in college – some vain effort to discover what was worth such insurmountable debt for Cullen.
She’s smart, and I certainly don’t have the head to understand all of those university subjects she brings up.
“How did you end up here?” she asks. “Software engineering or something?”
I never mentioned in the paperwork exactly how I made my wealth.
Calling myself an investor keeps everything private and I much prefer privacy, especially since my estate sits on the edge of a small town.
Mostly, the folks in the town are retirees and possibly a few other wealthy folks on the outskirts.
Think, Concord, Massachusetts. A place like that.
“No. Not that.”
“Is it tacky to ask you about that?” she asks, her voice getting quiet, like she’s worried about stepping over some line.
I don’t want her to feel so much fear and hesitation around me.
I suppose it’s my fault that she feels so uncertain.
Keeping my hands off Cullen hasn’t shown her that I respect her at all.
She seems to be more closed off than before and I have no idea how to break down her walls.
“It’s natural to be curious,” I respond. “I invest in rare earth metals and oil.”
“So… unethical.”
“Are there many ethical billionaires?” I respond with a smirk that doesn’t appear to entertain her. There’s that wall again.
“Your brother too?”
She’s never brought up Zack before. It had occurred to me that they spend a lot of time together while I’m traveling for work, but Cullen has never mentioned my brother before.
“Zack works for me because I pay better than private equity. He’s not a slouch but… he doesn’t care to accumulate wealth for the sake of it.”
She seems interested, which bothers me in a way that it shouldn’t.
“He’s been really kind to me,” Cullen says. “It’s nice not to be here alone all the time.”
“You don’t need to spend all your time with him. Do you have friends from college who might enjoy visiting?”
Cullen scoffs, which instantly makes me hot around the collar. “I’d rather not have my feminist friends here. Sorry.”
Right. I’m her embarrassing billionaire husband.
Every other woman I’ve met since my net worth hit over $10 million has been ecstatic to be in my presence.
To Cullen, I’m an obligation and an embarrassment.
There’s no chance at love in this marriage with her, right?
To Cullen, this will always be some anti-feminist humiliation ritual she has to commit to survive.
“Zack can’t possibly be good company all day.” I hate how insecure I sound, but Cullen doesn’t seem to notice. I watch her carefully, my gaze hot with jealousy that makes me feel like a teenage boy. She’s oblivious to my emotional reaction.
My wife shrugs. “He likes Colleen Hoover books, Hallmark movies and Real Housewives of Atlanta. We get along.”
And I’m the creep husband who fucked her the first day he met her and doesn’t know what to say around her.
My collar suddenly feels like a noose. Just feeling like this is a total embarrassment.
I’m acting like I have a crush on my wife and instead of feeling tenderness or relief from that emotional state, my body responds like I’m under threat.
“I’ll spend more time at home so you don’t have to rely on him so much.”
“I don’t mind,” Cullen says. “Don’t feel like you have to change your busy schedule for me.”
No matter what I say, she responds with some form of rejection. This shouldn’t be so frustrating to me…
“Fine,” I grumble. “Spend all your time with Zack. What use do you have for your husband?”
Cullen doesn’t appear to take any of my remarks the other night to heart.
The next morning, I wake up late and I’m still alone.
I don’t know why it has suddenly become so intolerable to me when my solitude never bothered me before.
I send Cullen a few text messages from bed, which she doesn’t respond to, before I change into my Wharton Business School sweatpants and an old hoodie.
I’m taking the day off to spend with her today as a surprise. I’ve just decided.
My desperation to win my wife’s attention has officially reached a new low. She’s utterly aloof and oblivious to my interest in her, so maybe I need a more explicit gesture to clarify where I stand here. As I descend, I hear laughter. My wife’s laughter. To make matters worse, I hear a man’s voice.
My traitorous brother.
“Girl, you know that Juicy Couture fit is gorgeous!”
“What’s all this?” I snap as I walk into the kitchen, killing their conversation in its tracks and earning startled looks from both of them. Zack rolls his eyes.
“Hello, grumpy,” Zack says. “You have a meeting at 9. Are you wearing that?”
“Cancel the damn meeting,” I snap at him. “And get out.”
“Padraic!” Cullen says protectively. “Don’t talk to him that way. What is wrong with you today?”
“I can talk to him however I want,” I say to Cullen, my voice dripping with anger. I know she doesn’t deserve this. I know I’m being unreasonable. But if she won’t look at me then I’ll have to wrestle attention from Cullen some other way.
“You’re acting like a child,” Cullen responds. Rage courses through me and I can feel the redness around my ears and spreading across my cheeks. A child? I’ll show her…
“It’s fine,” Zack says. “I’ll get back to work.”
“No, it’s not fine,” Cullen says. “He shouldn’t treat you that way.”
“You’re my wife,” I snap at her. “Not his. You should start acting like it.”
“Have you lost your mind?” Cullen snaps, hopping out of her seat and following me as I storm away from her. She infuriates me even more than Zack, and I’ve just realized why I keep to myself, as it turns out.
People are bullshit.
“Where are you going?” Cullen snaps. I can feel her gaining on me and then she grabs my wrist. I turn around, furious, not even caring that she’s so small and vulnerable in comparison to me. I feel nothing except my rage and loneliness.
“I’m going to be alone,” I yell at her. “And if it makes you so pleased, you can spend all day with my brother. I took the day off to be with you, but I won’t make that mistake ever again.”