Chapter 20 – Cullen
Chapter Twenty
Cullen
Ilet the hot water wash away the tingling discomfort from the cold.
I feel broken. Padraic has been kinder to me than any guy I have ever dated or had a situationship with – especially those situationships.
He wants to make this work. We’re already married.
He explained himself perfectly and he wants to give me the world.
But I can’t let go of the contract and my own insecurities that blew this up in the first place. He’s hiding me.
I can think of about a hundred reasons why a hot billionaire like Padraic might hide a woman like me.
Let’s be real, brands don’t like bigger black women.
If they did, we would be plastered everywhere like all the variants of Sydney Sweeney or Margot Robbie.
I honestly thought they were the same person for the longest – and that’s what Padraic’s world values. Not me.
He might enjoy ripping a corset off me, or ogling me while I paint half-naked in his bedroom, but I’m an exotic adventure off the beaten path – something to satisfy the tastes of a man who can have everything else. Nothing more.
I wish I could just let myself believe that he loved me.
What more can I want? I feel so shitty and ungrateful, but I wash away the first layer of self-hate in the shower.
Expensive body wash really makes a difference.
I have the nicest versions of everything here and trust me, I feel guilty about the gold-leaf infused cocoa butter, even if Padraic tried to make me feel better by telling me that Beyoncé uses the same one.
Since we’re taking a long flight, I find a chocolate brown matching velour set for the plane.
Zack’s context clues lead me to believe we’re flying private.
My guilt intensifies as I get ready for the flight.
I’m glad Padraic isn’t there to witness my unhinged insecurities get bigger and bigger as I pack.
I manage to stuff everything into the suitcase and when I zip it up, I pretend my feelings are stuffed in that bag and just… bury them.
Padraic shows up just in time to see me looking calm, presentable, and more like the wife I’m sure he wanted – placid and compliant, not an unhinged mess.
“You look beautiful,” he says, with so much honesty that I feel terrible again. He doesn’t seem to notice that I’m such a mess. Padraic sees… something else. A good possession, maybe. He steps into the room to carry my things himself. No staff.
He’s one to talk. I might be beautiful, but I’m a regular kind of beautiful and my husband Padraic is a billionaire.
Women must have been clamoring to marry him.
I feel completely foolish about what happened.
Padraic seems cautious about allowing anyone who remains on staff around me now.
He hovers around me closely, making me feel protected and massively guilty.
I don’t blame him for wanting to stay close after the Jelena situation.
That’s yet another humiliation we haven’t directly addressed.
I opened up to her because I was lonely here.
I opened up to everyone. In my world, it doesn’t feel like there’s always somebody waiting to sell you out around every corner.
Padraic collects my bags and I follow him downstairs all the way to the car out front.
Zack waits at the door to the massive Chevrolet Suburban we’re taking to the airport. Padraic walks around the other side to say something to the driver, while Zack gets ready to tell me goodbye.
“Our driver Billy has been taking Padraic to the airport for fifteen years. We can trust him. Promise me you’ll have a good time over there?”
“I will.”
Zack sighs. “My brother really cares about you. I know it might be hard for you to believe and I know he is such a guy about stuff but… I know he loves you, Cullen.”
“Thanks.”
I don’t know what to say, but I appreciate Zack’s reassurance.
“You’ll see,” he says. “Soon.”
Before I can ask what he means, Zack hugs me and then yells goodbye to his brother before walking back towards the house. Padraic and I are alone again – except for the driver Billy who opens the back door for both of us to enter.
My husband lets me enter first before sliding into the custom-fitted black leather seats next to me.
Everything smells brand new. We have a thirty minute drive to the private airstrip, Padraic tells me.
I settle in next to him and feel his warmth next to me.
He dresses impeccably, even just to go to the airport.
Padraic’s forearm looks incredibly sexy with a self-winding Patek Phillippe watch with a leather strap and silver watch face.
He pushes the sleeves up to his wife button up shirt and reaches for a bottle of whiskey from the car’s mini-fridge.
He acts like this is normal. I don’t plan on drinking, but I’m not surprised Padraic reaches for some whiskey.
“Water or Diet Coke?” Padraic asks. I can’t stop staring at him. He’s so hot and his hair is lush, perfect, and smells like expensive sandalwood.
“Diet Coke, please.”
He grabs a can and then looks over at me. There’s just something about his face that makes me feel warm and totally drawn to him. I feel guilty for questioning how much he cares about me. I can feel it.
“Let me get you a glass,” Padraic says. I bite my lower lip and nod at him appreciatively.
Then my phone starts to go absolutely nuts.
I kept my same number and just stopped using social media because of the contract I signed and the fact that I basically fucked off to live in a tiny town where I could solve my problems in peace as Padraic Tyler’s wife. Now, my phone starts buzzing out of control. And Padraic’s.
I’m not trying to panic, but given the direction of the country, I’m scared that a foreign country dropped a nuclear bomb on Boston or something – to be honest, our president could have done it by accident.
“Is something happening?” I ask him, reluctant to take my phone out. Padraic doesn’t seem surprised or bothered by his phone blowing up, but he’s a businessman and I am his lowkey wife out of the spotlight and I always had a dry phone even before marrying and disappearing out here.
“Check,” Padraic says calmly. I pull my phone out and witness the hell that broke loose – a press release with my full name and Padraic’s, announcing our marriage filled with a love story, a full-spread photoshoot that I don’t actually remember happening, and statements from both of us.
Everything in the spread looks perfect and we look like the perfect couple.
I can feel my husband’s eyes gazing down at me as I scan the news story. There are elements of the truth – and then there’s a statement from Padraic, described as an “elusive” billionaire in the story.
“My wife is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. She’s a treasure, and while we intend to keep our relationship private, I want the world to know that I have finally found something worth more than my billions.”
I feel so… chosen.
He leans over and kisses my cheek. “I never want you to question that my feelings are real,” Padraic murmurs. He rubs his thumb over the spot where he just kissed. “I love you, Cullen.”
The public story smacks me in the face with this truth.
I have hundreds of text messages. People who haven’t spoken to me in years must have tracked my phone number down from friends or friends of friends.
I have messages from my parents too. Normally, I would be overwhelmed, but we’re about to go on a surprise vacation and Padraic kisses my cheek again.
I can’t stop the feelings from bubbling out of me. “I love you too…”
He puts his arm around me and chuckles. “Yes…” he whispers. “That was more difficult than hitting my third billion…”
“Shut up…”
Padraic chuckles and kisses my neck and then we kiss each other again and get lost in kissing each other.
By the time we get to the airport, we almost have each other’s clothes off, and I cling to Padraic with this surge of desire for him controlling me.
We can hardly keep our hands off each other as we get settled on his private jet.
“Do you have any idea where we’re going?” I ask him when we buckle up. I can tell from the look in my husband’s eyes that we’re not done kissing yet. He smirks, eyes lighting up with a mixture of delight and excitement.
“It’s a surprise,” he says. “But I know you’re going to love it there…”