CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
HER NEWLY PAINTED NAILS suffered a beating as she chipped at them. A million thoughts ran through her mind, each one increasing her panic.
Noah knew about her writing. He had seen it. Read it.
And he wanted to read more.
The memory of his smooth voice as he’d said that pushed to the forefront. Her cheeks warmed despite the air conditioning in the shop. How coincidental that they were in the same sweets and beverage store where she’d told Beverly about the deal with Noah. Maybe she was doomed to spill all her secrets in the sugar-scented shop. The pastel color scheme didn’t relax her like it had last time. She couldn’t get over the fact that someone other than her dad had seen her writing.
He’d been so proud of Amber’s first story that he’d read it nearly every night before bedtime. She hadn’t been able to write anything for months after his death. But writing had become her outlet whenever things got too much, even dancing. Her stories had been her personal treasure.
Until Noah had found them.
A tall glass clinked against the table. Her gaze followed the length of Noah’s arm as he placed the strawberry milkshake topped with a layer of whipped cream and two cherries before her.
“You got me a strawberry milkshake?”
She hadn’t even told him what she wanted. The minute they’d walked in, he’d shooed her off to a corner booth, insisting they’d agreed he would pay.
“With two cherries,” he proclaimed.
She blinked, her brain whirring after the events of the afternoon. “How did you know it was my favorite?”
His brows furrowed, his straw leaving his lips. His order was a chocolate milkshake topped with sliced strawberries. “You told Evelyn it was your favorite back at Coney Island. Plus, you were really specific about the double cherries.”
“Yeah, I told Evelyn. You remembered it when I’d mentioned it once?”
Noah shrugged, the casual movement threatening to push her off the edge. How could he remain normal about this while she was in mid-panic? He dropped his milkshake, tugging her note out of his bag on the seat beside him. Amber grabbed at the note, stashing it into her own bag as though it was a dirty secret no one else needed to know about. Noah watched silently, his eyes alive with interest.
“When did you start writing?”
“That’s one question down.” She zipped her bag tight. The subject change wasn’t much better. She grabbed at the milkshake so she wouldn’t return to chipping her manicure. “A while,” she answered simply.
Noah rose a brow. “How far back is ‘a while?’”
He wasn’t dropping this, was he?
“Is that really how you want to spend your second question?” He said nothing, eyes steady on her. She grasped her glass. “Since I was a kid. The first one I ever wrote was some silly tale about my dad and I on an adventure. Can’t remember how old I was, only how much I loved forming worlds, characters and places in my head. But it’s nothing serious. It’s a hobby.”
Amber hoped that last bit was convincing.
“You panicked when I saw it. I don’t know anyone who would hide a hobby to that extent.”
Did he have to be so observant all the time? He was getting close. Too close.
“You don’t know many people, Noah.” She pointed out. “It’s each to their own, right?”
Noah took a long sip of his drink. Tilting his head, he watched the short line that had formed at the counter. A woman in heels that matched the pink booths was up next. She flicked her hair, pointing long nails at the menu. The cashier scrunched her nose and began to type in the order.
“There were a lot of scratched-out lines on that page.” Amber’s gaze flew to him, but Noah kept his eyes on the front of the shop. “Why?”
Huh. Question number three packed a punch. She bit her lip. A question that sounded so simple and yet, it would lead Noah even deeper into her safe space. Funny how she wasn’t as eager to share this as she had shared her greenhouse. On a sigh, she opened up. “It’s a scene where the main characters are out at night and he’s showing her the stars. I’ve been stuck on it for a few days. I can’t quite capture the imagery of it.”
“You don’t want them to only see the stars. You want them to feel the emotion of the moment too.”
“Exactly. But I haven’t traced stars often enough to be able to convey it.”
Noah nodded. “You could google search constellations or watch videos of the night sky…” he trailed off, a lightbulb going off in his head. “Come with me.”
“What?” She jerked back at the sudden command.
“Come with me. You want to see the night sky and learn to trace the stars, right? I know the perfect place.” His voice was tinged with unusual excitement, his dark eyes flashing as he waited for her answer.
“How do I know you don’t plan to take me into the woods and leave me there?” she questioned.
Noah’s lips tipped, drawing a teasing expression onto his face. “You don’t. Guess you’re gonna have to trust me.”
Amber hesitated. The idea was intriguing. The thought of what she would tell her mom was another matter.
“I promise it’ll be worth it, m’lady.”
Amber looked at him where he sat forward in his seat, his arms bracketing hers on the table. They had leaned in as though they were sharing a secret. It kind of was. “As long as you stop with the nickname.”
“I didn’t hear you say no.”
“I didn’t say no,” she confirmed.
His smile grew, stretching from one end of his face to the other. It was a glorious sight.
“Let’s go see the stars.”
“Delicious as always, Dottie.” Her mom praised as she folded her napkin.
Dottie smiled, her eyes bright as she packed up the dessert plates. Her reaction was understandable. Amber’s mom was in a good mood today. So was she. As her mom stood to leave, Amber blurted out, “I’ll be in the studio. I’m working on all of Kitri’s variations for the audition.”
Her mom paused. She tipped her head to Amber across the table. “Good.” The singular word shot her hopes high. “I’ll be attending a conference call in my office all night. We’re about to close a huge deal for the company. I don’t want to be disturbed.”
She left the room after delivering her final order. Amber hastily shoved the last spoonful of fruitcake into her mouth.
“Slow down, missy. You sure you’re only headed for practice?”
Amber froze. Her lack of subtlety had given her away. Dottie eye-balled her. “Didn’t think so. I’ve never seen you rush dessert to get to the studio.”
She forced herself to swallow, looking up at Dottie with pleading eyes. The older woman huffed, throwing her hands. “Get out of here, you little troublemaker. And use the back door, will you?”
She squeezed Dottie in a tight hug and hurried from the dining room. She grabbed a sweater and scarf to ward off the chill of the night. Her purse swung from her shoulder as she bent to tie her shoes. Amber contemplated tying up her hair, but decided to leave it down. The wintery chill had almost fully dissipated, but having her hair down would provide a little heat. As she snuck down the stairs, a text came in.
Noah was here. She had asked him to park two houses down for safe measure. Following Dottie’s order, she creeped out the back fort, tucking her keys into her purse. Noah’s smile greeted her when she settled into the passenger seat of his truck. His eyes remained on her, soft and searing as she buckled up.
“What?” she finally asked.
He blinked slowly, as if he was afraid she would disappear. “Nothing.” The smile peaked through again. “I can’t believe I got you to say yes.”
“Calm down, boy genius. We’re going stargazing, not to the altar.”
Noah adjusted the gear, his smile expanding to the corner of his eyes. She couldn’t look away. He had been smiling so easily lately. It was a good thing, except when it made her heart patter in her chest.
The drive was silent. They drove farther out of the city, leaving behind the traffic, the noise, the smells. Amber drew down her window for more of that fresh air. Her hair whipped around her face but she was too relaxed to care. They passed high-rise apartments that turned to houses that turned to fields. Finally, Noah took a right turn, his truck rumbling over the grass. He parked underneath the canopy of trees before a large meadow.
“We’re here,” he announced. Her skepticism must have been clear on her face. Noah thumped her arm. “I told you to trust me.”
She did. The realization left her stunned. Her next movements were automatic as she climbed out of the car and stepped towards the meadow. A breeze rushed by her, surprisingly warm against her skin.
“Ready?” Noah called out. He stood by the car, a blanket she had missed was folded under his arm.
Ready for what? She got her answer when he turned off the car.
The sky above her exploded with stars. Millions and millions of them twinkling in all their glory. A gasp left Amber at the sight. She could almost reach out and touch one, pluck a star from the sky to cherish forever. The stars were bright and voluminous against the only blanket of night.
She couldn’t recall seeing anything more breathtaking.
“Noah, this is– They’re beautiful.”
“I told you to trust me,” his voice was low as he stepped up to her side, their shoulders touching. “You know what would make it even better?”
She dropped her head. “I don’t think anything can.”
He smiled again. The blanket unfolded from his grip as he flapped it. He laid it down on the grass, patting the sides to make sure it was flat then kicked his shoes to the side and laid on the blanket. He unraveled the scarf around his neck, bunching it up and placed it beside him.
“For m’lady,” he said. Amber was sure she was fantasizing the moment. “Don’t leave me to stargaze alone,” he goaded.
Her fingers went to her own scarf. She tucked it up like he’d done his and offered it to him. “Can’t leave you without one, right?”
Their eyes met, finding each other in the meadow illuminated by the stars. Noah sat up, his hand slowly grasping the scarf. Their fingers brushed as the material left her hand, stealing her breath for the second time that evening. She pulled off her shoes, put her purse to the side and laid back. The sky stretched on and on, the night air filled with the music of chirping crickets and tree branches dancing in the breeze.
It was magical.
“You’re right. This is better.”
A short laugh left Noah before he fell silent. The atmosphere around them felt serene, peaceful, tranquil. Amber was sad to break it but she had to ask.
“How did you find this place?”
Noah was silent for a minute. “I was driving around a year ago. My brother was back for the weekend but the house felt stifling with him there. Listening to how he and my dad got along like I wasn’t right there, it burned. So I left. I’d been driving for hours when I stopped to clear my mind. I turned off the truck for a minute and the stars, they were amazing. I got down to see them more clearly and that was it. I couldn’t resist coming back every once in a while.”
She understood. She wouldn’t mind coming here again if she could. Her thoughts clouded as she tried to frame her next question delicately. “You don’t like to talk about your brother. It’s obvious you aren’t on good terms. What happened?”
Noah sighed. “It wasn’t anything Ronan did. It isn’t his fault he’s good at everything he does. It just hurts to be constantly compared to him. To always live in his shadow.”
“Your dad does that?” Her chest ached at the thought.
“Unfortunately.” His eyes fell shut for a few seconds. “Sometimes I think he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. He’s proud of his first son and he wants everyone to know that. But it feels like his second son will never be as good if he doesn’t do it exactly like his brother did.” He sighed, the sound rattling from his chest. “It gets tiring, you know. For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived in Ronan’s shadow. He was interested in sports and I’m not, he was Redmington’s best president and I can’t even hold on to the position. It’s hard to be myself, to do what I want when Ronan cracked the code for success and I’m expected to fall in line.”
His voice was low but the heaviness in his voice was easy to hear. The circles under his eyes were easy to see. He’d been carrying these burdens for so long. Had anyone really seen him? Had he ever let anyone this far in? Her chest squeezed further as she watched his profile. A heavy silence passed between them. People liked to think teenagers had it easy. They focused on their studies and made their parents happy. But how could one continue to please others even to their own detriment? She had done it for years, and still had no answer to the mystery.
“What do you want, Noah?” her voice was soft, almost a whisper.
He didn’t answer. Instead he asked, “Your story. When did you start writing it?”
Amber blinked at the change of topic. With a swallow, she decided she could open up about her deepest secret when Noah had done the same with his.
“Last year. The inspiration out of the blue. I can’t remember how. Most of my stories are like that. I have a thought and there’s suddenly a burning desire to write it down. So, I did. It became a whole new world in my notebook, with characters I know like the back of my hand. Writing comes easy for me. It’s like with every stroke of my hand across the page, I feel a little lighter inside.”
He was watching her now. His head turned over, dark hair falling over darker brows. “You love doing it,” he realized.
She swallowed. “Yes.”
“Why do you dance then? If you don’t like it?”
It wasn’t that she didn’t like dancing. It was complicated.
Amber tried to ease the knot in her chest enough to answer him. “I like dancing. I do. There’s a certain freedom in dance. An escape,” she paused, her voice becoming timid. “It’s just that sometimes it feels like I’m dancing in the dark. I’m stumbling and unsure and scared to get anything wrong because I know she’ll be disappointed. I can always picture my mom’s face. She’s never smiling at me, never acknowledging me. She’s stone cold.”
She danced because she liked to. But she also danced because it was expected of her. She danced because it was all she had known for so long. Because she hoped that one day it would be enough to earn her mother’s love.
“I don’t want her to stay that way,” Amber continued. “I want my mom back. Happy, loving, smiling. So, I do what she says. I do whatever she wants just hoping that one day, she comes back to me.”
Her fingers threaded over her stomach, clutching hard onto each other as she bared the truth, the doubts, the hurt she had never let anyone see. Every day, she was sunshine Amber. She was all smiles and rainbows, happiness and light. But at times when she was alone in her head and in her heart, her doubts and worries sprung to the surface. She’d never had anyone to lay it out to, not even Beverly and Lexi. She wondered if Noah had ever let his friends in, but a feeling in her said he hadn't either.
His answer was as quiet as her question. “I want to be free to choose my own path. I want my parents to understand that, to see me for me. I don’t want to be a lawyer like my dad and Ronan. I want to study literature, discover a world of art and read as many books as I want to. I’d love nothing more than to achieve that.”
The smile that curled around her face spread warmth deep into her. “I like that. You’d be good at it. It suits you.”
“I think so too.” His head turned to her, as he watched her side profile. “What about you? What do you dream about?”
Her smile dimmed. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, when your eyes are closed and your mind is free to wander, where do you go?”
Her brows furrowed, her eyes darting across the sea of stars as she tried to answer. “I’ve never let my mind wander. I love writing and sometimes, I think about doing it more. But those thoughts don’t last. Not when I’m always present, always focused, always busy.”
“Because of ballet?”
Amber shook her head sadly. “Ballet, school, my mom. I’ve never had the space to dream about what I wanted to be, only of what would make her happy.”
Noah was quiet. He could understand that on an intimate level. He hadn’t wanted to be student president like his brother, but he’s done it anyway. For his parents.
“Then I’ll make it my mission?” His voice broke into her thoughts.
“Your mission?” she asked.
He hummed, “I’m going to make you dream, Amber. I’ll help you dream all the big dreams and one day, you’ll be living them.”
She turned her head, meeting his stare now. The stars reflected in his dark eyes, their light dancing across his irises. She had always known his eyes were dark, but under the moonlight, they glowed golden interspersed with brown streaks. Amber sucked in a breath, almost forgetting to breathe at the mesmerizing sight. The warmth of his words washed over her, feeling her with awe. Who was this boy and why had she pushed him away all this time? Why had she made him the enemy?
“I have a mission too,” she mused. “Your parents have the most incredible son and they need to know it. He has dreams and aspirations and I know he’ll succeed in every one of them, just like he has at Redmington.”
“You mean that?”
She smiled. “I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner. You’re a great student president, Noah. It took me a while to see it but I’m glad I did, and that we made everyone see it too.”
He swallowed, the motion working his throat. She couldn’t tell because of the darkness, but his freckles popped out, spreading across the bridge of his nose. Amber realized she had missed seeing them. Between them, his hand shifted across the blanket. Laying it upright in their middle, he held his hand out for her. Amber peered into those starry eyes. She didn’t have a single doubt in her head when she placed her hand in his. The warmth he had exuded beside her the whole evening now enveloped her hand, spreading down her arm and settling firmly in her chest. She couldn’t look away from their joined hands until he spoke.
“I didn’t think I cared anymore about getting anyone’s approval.” His eyes captured hers. “But it means the world to me that I have yours.”
She melted against the blanket, unable to resist the well of feelings that his words arose in her chest. Her hand shifted in his, their fingers interlacing. With nothing but the cover of stars and the harmony of nature around them, Amber laid her other hand on his chest as she inched forward.
Their lips met, as slowly as they had the first time they had kissed. For some reason, everything felt more intimate, more blissful. It felt right to be in Noah’s arms. His hands were quick to delve into her hair, playing with the strands as he tilted her head, bringing her closer. She closed her eyes and followed his lead, her hands clutching his shirt as her fingers absorbing the warmth of him. Amber could barely make sense of the visceral feelings racing through her body, stealing her senses and robbing her of her mind.
A sharp gasp filled the air. It took Amber a second to realize it was from her. That she needed to breathe. No. She could breathe later. She just needed him. She needed to keep kissing Noah. But the moment had come to an end. As slowly as they had come together, they pulled apart. Her hands released their death grip on his shirt. His slid away from her hair, resting on her cheek instead. She could barely think, let alone take in enough air to revive her brain.
The longer she stayed quiet, the lower his brows drew down. “Don’t.” His voice was low, raspy. She opened her eyes and met with the longing in his gaze. Longing? For her? “Don’t say you regret it, Amber. Please.”
If she could think past the slight tingle in her lips, she would realize that she could count how many times he had called her by her name, not the nickname he had given her. She didn’t need to count at all to know that this was the first time hearing her name from his lips had elicited a different emotion in her. Amber floundered for a moment, taking forever to find her words.
“I wasn’t,” she whispered. “I won’t. It’s just–”
How could he think she regretted it when she could barely think past the bliss roaring through her? Or maybe he thought she hadn’t enjoyed kissing him. Was she that inexperienced?
Noah’s hands didn’t leave her as his eyes searched her face. “What?”
Heat poured into her cheeks at his perusal. He could probably feel it since his hands were braced right on what must be a blazing inferno.
“You’re my first kiss.”
The admission was low, timid but he heard it. If Amber thought his eyes had been dark before, it didn’t compare to the depth that surged into them now. She could only imagine how she looked in comparison. Despite feeling like everything she knew had tumbled inside out, Noah stood before her looking like the very cause of her state. A tsunami to a sleeping shore. His hair was run through, scattered by her fingers. His gaze was fixed on her face, his lips looking thoroughly kissed. By her. Oh. God.
“My second actually, if we’re counting from the top.”
“I guess we are.” Noah blinked, then a smile curved across his face. “I hope it was a good kiss.”
Yes. The word ran through her brain immediately. But the need to tease him rose higher. She scrunched her nose. “Romance books and movies say you have to do the leg thing when it’s a good kiss.”
“What leg thing?” A smile creeped into the corner of his mouth as he humored her, stars dancing in his eyes.
“The leg raise, Noah,” she said in a ‘duh’ tone. “It always happens when the main characters kiss, along with fireworks and electricity.”
“We can have that. We’ll keep trying until it happens,” he said, his lips curving into a devastating smile that lit his face.
“You have one chance, boy genius. Make it count.” She tugged him closer with a giggle.
His arms tightened around her, encasing her in his warmth. Butterflies swarmed her stomach, a beautiful addition to the stars above their head, the fresh air in her lungs and the happiness in her heart.
“As you wish, m’lady.”