CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
THE SHARP SMELL OF chemicals tickled her nose, pulling her from sleep. A fierce headache pounded in her skull, made worse by the bright overhead lights. Amber took a second to get her bearing through bleary eyes. The bedspread she laid on was scratchy and her body felt stiff and heavy.
She tried to sit up but a whimper left her at the pain that ran up her side. Hadn’t she suffered enough injuries?
The call of her name drifted to her, the sound echoing in her head. She blinked, trying to clear her vision as a figure shut the door to the room and ran up to her.
“You’re awake. Thank God you’re okay. I was so scared.” The face that approached her was as familiar as her own. Short blond hair, tired blue eyes, and tears marring her bare face. For the first time, her mother wasn’t the cold, distant person she had been for years.
“Mom, what happened? What’s Noah?”
“He’s okay. His parents are with him in the next room. He had a dislocated shoulder and sprained ankle, but the nurses have patched him up.”
She sank into her pillow with relief. Then the memories flashed in her mind. Spinning into the curb. The loud explosion. And the person who was determined to lead them to their doom.
“And Lexi?”
Her mom shook her head. “Her parents came up while you were resting. They wanted to apologize and pay for the hospital bills. They understand if we want to press charges but they wanted me to tell you that it was Lexi’s illness that got the best of her.”
Amber nearly sat up but was reminded of the pain. “What?”
Her mom took the seat beside to her bed, as though she needed to be seated for this next part.
“Her mom said Lexi suffered psychotic episodes when she was younger. The doctors said they was a good chance she would recover so they placed her on drugs and therapy. But a few years ago, it started to get worse and she was diagnosed with schizophrenia.”
Amber’s heart tightened in her chest. Lexi had never said a single word about any of this. Her mind raced as she pulled up every memory of Lexi. Had there been signs? Had Lexi ever seemed off with them at one point or the other? They’ve known each other six years. How could she have kept this so well-hidden from her and Beverly?
The bottle of pills.
The wild look she’d had in Director Meusall’s office.
The crazed look in her eyes right before she’d tripped Amber.
“They started to notice she was becoming obsessive, muttering things to no one, being sarcastic and snippy all the time, keeping dangerous tools with her. So, they tried to get help for her. She was supposed to leave next week to the Centre.”
“Where is she?” Amber asked, feeling like she had swallowed cotton balls.
“In custody. Even if we don’t press charges, it’s being seen as attempted murder and there are numerous witnesses to testify against her.”
“She’ll be sent to jail?” Her voice quivered.
Her mom reached out, holding onto Amber’s hand. The feeling was new, the action foreign after so long of being on opposite sides with her mother.
“Nothing is certain yet. The police are looking into it, but if she does go for treatment, she might still be sentenced to serve punishment years.”
Amber shut her eyes. Only a few hours ago, she’d been lying upside down in an upturned car, staring at the blood running down Noah’s temple. Her heart caved in, the tears she’s pushed away now rushing forward.
“She was never my friend. The Lexi I knew was a lie. She said so many hurtful things. That I ruined her life. That I had to die so she could replace me.” Sobs tore from her throat, echoing in the room. Her mom jumped to her feet, her hands running over Amber’s arm, avoiding her injuries. “I saw it in her eyes. She’s always hated me.”
She rounded the bed, coming to Amber’s side. Quickly filling a glass with water, she helped Amber to sit the refreshing drink without spilling any on herself.
“Mom.” She gasped out when the cup was empty. “You’re here.”
“Of course I am.” Her mother smoothed her hand over her hair. Her tough didn’t meet skin, instead it felt like there was a weight pulling her head down. She reached an unsteady hand up only to discover it was gauze wrapped securely around her head. “I thought I was going to lose you. I was so scared. I heard you scream so many times but I didn’t know what was going on or how to help you.”
Tears ran down her mom’s cheek, sending a lance of pain through Amber. Every part of her ached but the worst came from her heart.
“I’m so sorry.” Her mom sobbed, holding her close. “Forgive me for everything I said. I was lost to my grief, to my bitterness, my own self-hatred. I didn’t see a way out for myself so I dragged everyone down with me. I’m so sorry for the shell I became. I acted like you were something to control, an instrument for me to use. But that was so far from the truth. I was jealous of how you could live in the light while I barely survived in the darkness. You were always so happy and cheerful. A part of me wanted to break that. I wanted to see you as miserable as I was. I’ve lied to myself for years. I twisted the truth and pushed the blame on you.”
Her mom swiped at her cheeks. “Your father’sdeath tore me apart. A part of me died with him that day and I couldn’t see how life was meaningful without him. I lost the strength to be a good mother to you, but you stayed by my side no matter what. You didn’t curse me, you didn’t rebel, you were perfect. And I couldn’t help hating myself even more for my inadequacy in everything.”
“You’re talking about him. You never let me talk about Dad.” She cried, tears pouring for her face.
“Because I couldn’t. Your father was the love of my life. He was my guiding star. Without him, I was so lost and instead of holding onto you, I let you go. I’m sorry, Amber. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve a loving, stable home. I failed to give you that.”
“That’s not what I want.” She hiccupped. “I wanted you to see me. I wanted the former you back. The one who played with my hair and told me stories and danced with me in the kitchen. I wanted to the mom who loved me.”
“And you should have had her. My selfishness cost us so much time.” Her mother enveloped Amber’s hands in hers. “Can you forgive me, Amber? I swear to you that I will never leave you behind. I will never be selfish or cruel to you ever again. I will continue to work towards getting better. I’ll go to every therapy session. I’ll be there whenever you need someone to talk to. I’ll plant flowers in your greenhouse with you. Anything to win my daughter back. Please.”
Her pleas gutted Amber. Her mother was asking for a second chance? Amber was ready to give it wholeheartedly.
“I only have one mom. I want her back. Please come back.”
Her mom’s shoulders shook. She wrapped her arms around Amber, pulling her into the first guy she’d received from her mom her in six years.
“I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
“How are you?” Mrs. Rhodes asked, pressing the blanket more securely around Amber’s legs. She hadn’t stopped fussing over Amber since she’d stepped in to the room. Her mom had excused herself to give them privacy, explaining that she had introduced herself to Noah’s mom when they had met at her home.
“I’ m holding it together, I guess.” She looked down at her nails. “It happened so fast. I know I’m never going to see her again and the thought hurts but, there’s a part of me that’s glad.” Her voice lowered into a whisper. “She really scared me.”
“I can’t begin to imagine how scary it was. You’re being so brave.”
“Am I? Every time I close my eyes, I see the car hitting the curb. I see Noah laying there in his own blood.” Amber wondered if Mrs. Rhodes blamed her for getting her son into this accident. “She came for me. Not him. He ended up being collateral damage because of me.”
“Everyone has a choice, Amber. He made a choice to be with you in that moment. I’m so happy and grateful that things didn’t take a turn for the worst, but there are bigger battles to fight. Don’t waste time playing the blame game, okay?”
She let out a small laugh as Mrs. Rhodes booped her nose. “Okay. I won’t.”
The door to her hospital room opened and Noah rolled in on a wheelchair, his dad behind him. His hair was messed up, one arm in a shoulder sling and scrapes over his face. She’d never been so happy to see him.
“Noah.” She wanted to run into his arms but knew she couldn’t go far with the pain she felt.
“Easy,” Noah said, taking her hand in his as he parked the wheelchair next to her. He kissed over her palm, his eyes wandering over every bit of her face. “Are you okay? How do you feel? What’s the pain level? Do you need a nurse?”
Despite the somber situation, he brought a smile to her lips. “I would ask you all that too, but my head hurts too much.” She held onto him. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
“And I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.
A throat cleared across the room, turning their attention. Mr. Rhodes stepped up behind his wife, laying his hand on her shoulder.
“We want to apologize for our part in this. We took your safety for granted. The accident happened under our roof and we will take full responsibility, Amber. We’re so sorry for everything. We’ll cancel the trip, but you can contact your agent when you’re ready.”
Amber was already shaking her head. “I don’t want that. A wise person told me not to waste my time playing the blame game.” Mrs. Rhodes beamed at her. “I want to meet the agent, and there’s nothing I’d love more than to meet her with all of you there.”
Mr. Rhodes sighed in relief, a smile growing into the corner of his eyes. “We’ll have to wait a few more days until you’re both discharged and well rested. Doctor’s orders.”
Noah smiled. “What I’m hearing is the trip is back on?”
Mrs. Rhodes nodded, her hand falling over her husband’s as she smiled at each of them. “The trip is back on. Let’s go get Amber a publishing deal.”