Chapter 9 #2
I stepped forward and tilted the flame to a waiting candlewick inside the lantern.
It flared and sparked to life with a whooshing sound, the flame leaping through a rainbow of colors before settling into a steady golden glow.
As I watched it, I could feel my mother’s hand give my arm a gentle squeeze.
A small, slightly dry hand slipped into mine—Rhi, standing beside me.
Then I felt long fingers entwine with mine on the other side—Persi, letting me know she was there.
We stood together in a knot of sisterhood, connected by hands, by blood, by hearts, all beating along to the same rhythm that led the steps, and minds, and hearts of all the witches who came before us.
For the first time since seeing Jess’ body laying there on the ground, I felt just a tiny portion of the horror melt away.
No matter what, we had this. We had each other. I could weather the rest.
Within minutes of this quiet moment of connection, the dinosaur of a landline phone on the kitchen wall began ringing shrilly, shattering the kernel of peace we’d managed to find.
As Rhi spoke in hushed tones to whoever had called, my mom’s cell phone started buzzing.
The inevitable chaos had finally descended.
When my mother hung up the phone, her expression was grave. She sat down with me at the table, and gestured for Rhi and Persi to join us.
“We need to decide what to do,” my mom said.
“We already decided what to do,” Persi said, her expression and posture truculent as she crossed her arms tightly over her chest. “We all agreed we wouldn’t tell the Conclave about the grimoire.”
“Yes, I realize that, Persi, but that was before the woman who delivered it to us turned up dead,” my mom said, through clenched teeth. “Call me crazy, but I think that changes the situation just a tad, and requires a reassessment of our earlier decision.”
“Okay,” Persi said.
“Okay what?”
“Okay, you’re crazy.”
My mother clenched her fists, and exhaled sharply through her nose.
“Persi, that’s not helpful,” Rhi interjected.
“You know what’s not helpful?” Persi asked, firing up. “Going back on our word to each other at the first inconvenience.”
“Inconvenience?” my mother gasped, her voice rising an octave in her incredulity. “Persi, a woman is dead! That is a bit more than an inconvenience!”
“Okay, okay, bad choice of word, but you know what I mean,” Persi snapped.
“No, I really don’t, actually,” my mom snapped back.
“Stop fighting, please, this isn’t helping!” Rhi said, wringing her hands and looking back and forth between her two younger sisters.
“Nothing fundamental has changed,” Persi said, holding up her hand to silence my mom, who was already opening her mouth to argue.
“No, seriously. Think about it. The grimoire is still here. We still don’t know who that woman is or how she found it.
We need more information before we show our entire hand to the Conclave. ”
“Show our hand?” my mom ground out, rubbing her forehead. “Persi, this isn’t poker. There’s a damn sight more at risk than some chips on the table. That woman is dead. Someone killed her.”
“We don’t know that!” Persi said. “Maybe she died of natural causes!”
“Under a bush? Less than fifty yards from the Source?” my mom shot back.
“It’s possible!”
“Yes, I’m sure that is the exact assumption the police will be operating under.” My mom’s voice was dripping with sarcasm at this point. Persi seemed to inflate, ready to begin shouting, but Rhi thrust out a hand toward her, her expression stern.
“Do not do it, Persephone Vesper. Do not start shouting. There’s no time. The police and the Conclave will be here any minute.”
Persi deflated with a sigh and a pout. “Fine.”
Rhi chewed on her lip for a moment as her sisters looked on, waiting.
“We can tell them Wren met her. That she stopped by our house,” Rhi said. “We have to, or they’ll know we were lying. She asked for directions here, remember? If they ask around, they’ll find out she was asking for Lightkeep Cottage.”
“But she came to deliver the grimoire,” Persi began, firing up. “How are we supposed to explain her visit if we don’t mention the grimoire?”
Rhi opened her mouth, and promptly closed it again. “We can come up with some excuse, I’m sure.”
“No.”
All three heads turned to look at me, each face startled, like they’d been so busy arguing with each other that they’d forgotten I was there.
“No… what?” my mom asked.
“No. No more lying,” I said, knowing the words were as much for myself as for them.
They all traded a look, and Rhi cleared her throat. “Wren, we can’t just—”
“Yes. We can. We have to, starting with me. I knew about Jess. I knew she was coming before she ever showed up.”
A stunned silence met my words, but now that I started, I couldn’t stop. I had to keep going, letting the truth flow out, excising the wound that was poisoning me.
“Asteria warned me. She came to me in a vision when I was working with Xiomara, and she told me a girl would bring a book, and that I needed to trust her, and that she was connected to the Source.”
“When did this happen?” my mom whispered.
“Right after the Litha Festival. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, of course.
It felt like gibberish, so I didn’t say anything.
And as the months went on and I couldn’t connect with Asteria again, I sort of forgot about it.
But then Jess showed up out of the blue, and I knew she was the girl Asteria had warned me about. ”
The staring felt like needles against my skin, but I plowed on, determined to say it all now that I’d started.
“I didn’t know what book Asteria was talking about.
No one ever told me about the missing grimoire, or I might have guessed,” I said, trying to keep the accusation out of my voice.
This wasn’t the moment for pointing fingers.
“But then Jess showed up, and because Asteria told me to trust her, I did. I sat down with her. I listened to her. I accepted her story as well as the book. Jess told me she was entrusted to deliver the book to me, specifically. I trusted that it was in my hands because it was supposed to be. And I don’t believe for a second that the rest of you wouldn’t have done the same. ”
I could tell that my mother wanted to argue, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. I watched as she swallowed all her objections, as hard as it was to worry them down.
“I’ll admit that I didn’t ask her enough questions.
I was so shocked by her arrival, and by the lure of the grimoire, that I didn’t remember what Asteria had said about the Source—not until Jess was long gone.
I didn’t say anything because… because I thought there might be a reason that Asteria came to me instead of to one of you.
It felt like a confidence—one that I wasn’t ready to break.
I’m sorry if you don’t agree with that, but I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time. ”
Again, it seemed no one could argue with me, no matter how inclined she was to do so.
Persi looked particularly ready to explode, but every time she made to open her mouth, the words seemed to get lodged in the back of her throat; and I knew it was because she was wrestling with the fact that she would have kept the same secrets I had.
“Once you all started panicking about the book, I realized I never should have let Jess leave, but by then it was too late. You all agreed that we should try to track Jess down, and since that’s what I wanted too, I figured it was okay to keep my secret a little longer.
After all, you wanted to keep the grimoire a secret from the Conclave, and that felt like a bigger deception than mine.
I’ve been trying to communicate with Asteria since, and Xiomara’s been trying to help, but…
I can’t get anything else out of her. She’s…
confused. I thought I’d have more time to figure it all out, but now…
” My eyes filled with tears, and I had to swallow hard in order to keep talking.
“But now Jess is dead. She’s dead and I’m not sure if that’s my fault or not, but in a way it feels like it is, so I’m not keeping any more secrets. ”
“Wren, you can’t blame—”
“If the Conclave had known about Jess, maybe they could have helped to track her down before this happened. Maybe they could have helped us to prevent it. All I know is that I’m tired of lying.
I can barely remember what version of the truth I’ve told to who, and I don’t want to do it anymore.
We need to tell the Conclave everything.
We need to show them the grimoire, and everything that came with it.
We need to tell them everything we’ve found out about Jess so they can track down her family.
I’m sure they’d want to… to know…” I choked back another sob.
My mom, Rhi, and Persi all looked at each other, carrying on a silent conversation with their eyes.
“I don’t think we have a choice,” Rhi finally said. “I think Wren is right.”
Persi chewed the inside of her cheek, arms still crossed over her chest. She didn’t agree out loud, but she didn’t argue either. My mom was still looking stricken.
“Wren, I’m sorry you felt like you needed to carry that secret all summer,” she said, slinging an arm around my shoulders, and pulling me in closer for a hug. “You could have trusted me.”
“I know,” I said, and I meant it. “It wasn’t about not trusting you.
It was about feeling like the message was for me, and that I needed to be the one to figure out what it meant.
It felt like a… I don’t know, like a personal challenge or something.
I wanted to prove to myself that I could master my spirit powers.
But all I’ve done is make a mess of everything. ”