Chapter Twenty-Six
A few days later on Sunday morning, Deirdre’s phone rang, shooting her from half asleep to sitting bolt upright in mere seconds. A wave of sweat dampened her flannel pajamas; her heart pounded. Glancing at the clock, she grimaced. 9:32 a.m. She looked around. She was in her own house. Not in the hospital.
For the first time in a long time, she had slept in. It was a miracle. No personal emergencies, no last-minute staffing issues, no need to cover at the lodge.
Following on the heels of relief was an icy spike of fear as the phone rang again. Calvin. Her heart stuttered. No, it was okay. This was Calvin. He was alive. His CT scans and neuro evaluations had been stable.
After his parents had arrived in the hospital Thursday morning, she had gone to work, like any other day. He had been discharged that afternoon.
Then Friday morning before work, she had stopped by Bruce and Aggie’s to briefly visit with Calvin. See? He was fine then, too.
But… there was always the chance that something could change.
God, at what point would she stop letting fear control her?
Pulling in a deep breath, she answered the call. “Calvin? Are you okay?”
“Good morning,” he said.
Her body went limp. All she could think to say was, “Glad you didn’t text.”
“Well, hello to you as well. I could text if I wanted to.” His voice reached out to her like an embrace she craved.
Involuntarily, she inclined her body toward the phone. “You’re on brain rest for the next week. No screen time. Doctor’s orders.”
“It’s boring. Also, Mom and Pop are kind of driving me crazy. I can only take so many naps. Or listen to Pop explain why everything is wrong with the entire world and how it could be fixed if only someone would listen to his ideas.” His parents had insisted that he stay with them for a week. The plan was for him to return to the hospital’s rental house this Thursday. “They won’t even let me watch TV. It’s torture.”
With a flash, she leaned toward the phone, wanting to be the one to help with his recovery. Deirdre froze. That impulse was a revelation she needed to examine. Later.
She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Oh, let them dote. It gives them a project to work on, and you need to rest and recover.”
“I know.”
Her heart squeezed at his weary, defeated tone. This vital, active, smart guy had to feel stifled in every area of his existence right now.
He didn’t need her to amplify his frustration, so she focused on the positive. “Hey, the elders were updated about Randy and his friends’ troublemaking. Lieutenant Kate and her state troopers from the Yukon Valley office are looking for the guy, but he’s nowhere to be found.”
“Has anyone else been threatened or hurt?” Classic Calvin, looking out for people’s safety.
“Thankfully, no. Maybe he decided to drop his plans for good.”
“We should be so lucky,” he said heatedly.
“Oh yes.” She lay back down in the still-warm bed and pulled up the blankets to ward off the chill. What she’d give to have Calvin’s arms around her, warming her instead. She sighed. “In good news, it appears all the stakeholders from our meeting are in agreement to deny Randy or any other prospectors access to the land. The community is going to do this as a team. They want to understand more about the pros and cons of the resources and vet possible companies that can safely extract the minerals. The working group will drive the decision-making.”
“Good. I wouldn’t gift Randy the mud off the bottom of my shoes.”
“He’s bad news.”
“No kidding. Hopefully, he’ll stay out of town for good.” His soul-deep exhale coming right through her phone triggered goose bumps on her arms.
“Maybe he’ll take the hint when law enforcement catches up with him.”
“That guy will only take a hint if he’s in prison.” The phone jostled, like he was walking somewhere. A door closed. “Are you being safe?”
“Yes.”
“Can you check?” he said, voice low.
The level of caution was understandable. “I’ll check again.” She got out of bed, shivered in her PJ’s, and hurried to her front door and back door to make sure they were locked. “Everything is secure.” Settling on the couch, she pulled up a throw blanket.
“Good. I don’t like you being alone with Randy still out there. By now, he’s probably made the connection between the lodge property, Maverick, me and my parents, and you.”
With good friends and neighbors around, Deirdre had always felt safe living on her own in Yukon Valley. Until recently. She glanced toward the living room window. Yes, she would prefer to have Calvin here with her, but it was too soon for that. Besides, head injury.
“Deirdre, are you still there?”
“Yes.” She rubbed her hand over her face and pulled the blanket up under her chin, keeping the phone next to her ear.
Silence drifted between them.
“So, how are you doing?” he asked in that warm tone of voice that wrapped around her like a thick duvet.
“That’s my question for you.”
He paused, as if he wanted to challenge her deflection, then answered. “Better. Lee has me out of work for another two weeks, but I can start back to non-exertional activities now. Then driving and light exertion in a few days. Woo-hoo.” He finished with a deprecating laugh. “It’s hard following instructions. I make a crappy patient. Do as I say, not as I do.”
“You’re not wrong.”
“Thanks.”
“So? Light exertion sounds like a win.”
His voice dropped down an octave. “I wouldn’t mind doing some light exertion with you.”
“Why are you whispering?”
“Because I’m a grown adult in his childhood bedroom, phone flirting with another grown adult. I’d put money on one or both parents listening from the other side of the door. This right here is why adult children and parents should not live with each other.”
Laughing, she said, “Ooh, I can imagine Bruce and Aggie with their ears pressed to the door.”
“Wouldn’t put it past them.” He cleared his throat. “But I don’t want to talk about my parents.” His words bordered on a sexy growl, and she liked it.
“Okay.” Her heart thudded. She rubbed her legs together. The pajamas had become way too warm. She threw back the blanket to cool off.
“So. Light exertion?”
Were they really having this conversation? Deirdre couldn’t remember the last time she had been truly flirtatious. It was fun. “Oh, but what about your brain?”
“Screw my brain. Literally.”
A big laugh erupted from her, and she slapped a hand over her mouth. “That’s hilarious!”
“You didn’t answer my question.” There was a rustle of sheets as he shifted. “When I’m medically released, would you be okay if I drove to your house and thanked you for saving my life?”
“Hmm,” she hedged, enjoying the teasing.
“I’d really like to show my appreciation. I’m very appreciative.”
“Wow.” Her neck heated up. “Yes.”
He pressed. “What’s on your mind, Deirdre?”
“You called me.” For some reason, she couldn’t stop smiling.
Of course, he couldn’t see her expression.
“If you haven’t figured it out, I miss you.”
Running a finger over her lips, she said, “Can you be more specific?”
“Tough audience.” He breathed and it felt like he was right next to her. “I miss your smile. Your strength. Your brains. Your… body.”
“Well. It’s hard to argue with all of that.”
His chuckle echoed her tingling desire. “Speaking of hard.” He groaned. “Apparently, the head injury didn’t cause other organ damage.”
Unable to suppress a snort, she added, “It’s possible that the head injury has disinhibited you!”
“This is me, enjoying talking with you. Has nothing to do with any frontal lobe damage.” He laughed, then lowered his voice again. “I’d like to do more than talk.”
“Well, if we think that’s safe…”
“We’ll have to find out, won’t we?”
“Oh my.”
After a few seconds of chuckling together, he said, “Let’s talk about the festival coming up. With everyone around.”
Instinctively, she stiffened. “Okay.”
“I’m not sure if I want to go on with the way things are between us.”
“Sure. With your head injury, that’s understandable.”
“No. As a fake dating couple.”
“Oh.” She rubbed her suddenly aching sternum. “I get it.”
“Deirdre, no. Stop.” He blew out air, and she imagined him rubbing his forehead. “What I’m saying is, what if we weren’t fake? I’ve mentioned it before. What if this was real?”
“I—”
“I don’t know how to explain this in a way that makes sense. My future has been trapped in my past for a long time. I want to exist in the present.” He paused. “Can you be in the present with me, Deirdre?”
Her marriage to Elijah. His death. Her parents’ passing. The life she had here in Yukon Valley. The life events she had experienced, and her choices were all like branches on a river, rushing her in sometimes uncontrollable directions.
What if she picked the wrong branch? “Maybe. That’s all I can promise. Because of… my past.”
“Not the past. I can’t compete there—” He cut off her protest. “Not the future either, because thinking about that will give me a headache. I only want here and now.”
Despite his words, she allowed herself an image of a future that didn’t yet exist. A future with Calvin in it. A decision she could trust.
What if she couldn’t let go of her fears?
She sat straight up.
What if she could let go of her fears?
“I’m not sure,” she said, heart hammering and eyes burning. She rubbed her aching chest. “I want to try.” Another pause. “I don’t want to get hurt.”
He breathed once. Twice. Anchoring, calming sounds. A solid structure firmly attached to shore, steadying her in rough emotional waters. “Deirdre, listen. Something I realized after my brain’s control-alt-delete is that I need to reach for what I want. Take a risk. No pretending. No lies. No regrets. No hiding my authentic self like I did years ago.”
“I understand completely.”
“This is my authentic self, saying that he wants to try for a real relationship with your authentic self.”
If things worked out, she would be fortunate to have had two men in her life who made her feel special. Guilt popped up before she pushed it back down. “It may not be easy for me.”
“Challenging things aren’t always easy.”
“You’ve always faced challenges head-on,” she murmured.
How could she explain that her heart was at its limit. Any more pain and she would shatter.
“Deirdre, you still there?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t have to answer right now. I want to do this the right way.”
“What do you mean?”
“How about a real date? Not a pretend date.”
“Well…”
“Let me try, Deirdre. Let me see if I can be the man I need to be. For you.”
You already are. She couldn’t make her mouth say the words. “You’re a good man.”
“I need to be good enough for you.”