55
We meet up at the Starlight, like we planned, in the back of the decaying hotel. Once this space had held an upscale steakhouse. Only torn and dusty leather booths remain. Rafe, Shelly, and I avoid them, instead standing in a loose semicircle in the center of the room.
Now that I’ve stopped running, the enormity of my actions, the reality of my situation, hits me. It’s a blow to my head, to my heart. I can’t believe I did those awful, terrible things. I betrayed Stewart, committed a crime, and watched a man get shot. It’s all too much. I’m shaking. My body trembles like a leaf in the wind. Tears well in my eyes and tumble down my cheeks.
“Wh—what just happened?” I ask Rafe and Shelly, crying. “What did we do? I’m so confused. Who shot Johnny?”
“Who knows?” Rafe shrugs, unmoved. “I’ve never seen that guy before.”
“Are you saying you had nothing to do with it?” I cry, fearful that I’m an accomplice to a murder. Worried that I’m going to jail, rather than to college. How could I have been so stupid? To let Rafe and Shelly drag me into this mess. But I can’t blame them, not if I’m being honest. They may have pointed out this road, but I’m the one who walked down it.
“Me?” Rafe barks out a harsh laugh. “Trust me, I don’t have that kind of clout. I’m small-time compared to those guys.”
Can I trust him?Everything’s changed since I saw Stewart’s father get shot. My attention turns to Shelly to see how she’s handling everything. It startles me that she has the same look as Rafe. That determined, flat expression, like nothing that’s occurred can touch her. Like she’s buried in a block of ice.
“How can you be so calm right now?” I ask them both. “We just saw a man get shot. He’s probably dead. He—” My voice rises, along with my panic.
“Tiffany,” Rafe says, cutting me off, “there’s nothing we can do about that. It’s out of our control. We need to hurry, finish our business.” He turns to Shelly, gesturing to the now-dirty duffle bag by her feet. “Let’s see it.”
Kneeling, she unzips the bag and opens it wide. Even through my tears, I gasp at the stacks of bills, coins, casino chips, and sparkling jewels resting there. Rafe lets out a long whistle and selects a single $1,000 casino chip. He flips it up in the air and catches it in his palm. “Give Tiffany her share,” he tells Shelly.
After a brief search through the bag, Shelly pulls out a stack of bills bound together with a thin strip of paper. She passes it over to me. I take it with unsteady hands, staring at the thick wad of money. When I hear the sound of a zipper, I glance up to see Shelly closing the bag. It’s still full. Shelly has moved over to stand by Rafe, on the opposite side of the circle from me. Clutching the bag to her chest, she refuses to meet my eyes.
Dread lodges in my throat. I attempt to swallow it down. “Guys?” I sniffle. “What’s going on?”
Rafe lifts his chin. “That’s it. Your cut of the money.”
Shocked, I rock back like they slapped me. “B—but we said we would split it evenly. This is only a few thousand dollars. It’s not enough to cover my mom’s treatments.” Shaking the stack of money at them, I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.
Something isn’t right here.
“We talked about it and decided that’s what you get,” says Rafe flatly.
“We? Shelly?” I try to capture my best friend’s gaze.
When she finally looks up, her jaw is tight and her eyes are cold. “Rafe’s right, Tiffany. We did most of the dangerous work, so it’s only fair we get the bulk of it. Besides, we need to buy plane tickets.”
“What are you talking about?” I’m reeling, a pit of dread spreading through my chest.
She shifts the bag up to her shoulder and confirms my worst fear. “We’re leaving.”
Astonished, I watch Shelly wrap her hand around Rafe’s biceps and lean into him. It’s a declaration of possession, like he belongs to her, like she’s claiming him. I look at Rafe, trying to figure out what I’m seeing, to make sense of it. A flicker of dark emotion rushes across his face. Regret? Sorrow? Anger?
“I warned you to stay away from us.” Rafe’s voice is toneless, his expression grim.
Stunned, I clutch the money to my chest. “I don’t understand.”
A cruel smile from Shelly, and it all becomes clear. The roller coaster is over. I’m being unceremoniously pushed off the ride so it can go on without me. I can’t believe that Shelly, of all people, would do this to me. It’s killing me, seeing them touch each other, the familiarity in that gesture. All the dreams I had about Rafe, how I would be his savior. Instead, he and Shelly have damned me.
How they must have laughed at me behind my back. Silly little Tiffany and her schoolgirl crush. So na?ve. So easy to manipulate. “You set me up, and now you’re leaving? With the police after me? Probably the Mafia, too.” My voice breaks. Tears fill my throat, choking me. Rafe’s dishonesty stings, a shallow cut. Shelly’s betrayal is a death blow, a knife straight through my back and into my heart.
I won’t ever love again. This hurts too badly.
“You knew exactly what you were doing,” Shelly spits out, angry at me for reasons I don’t fully understand.
As I absorb this new reality, I realize that Shelly is leaving. Rafe is leaving. My mother is dying.
I’ll be alone.
This is a nightmare. Every bad dream coming true at once. “Shelly,” I plead raggedly, “please, you can’t leave me.”
Eyes like flint with no spark, she says dully, “I have to go. There’s nothing for me here.”
“I’m here.” There’s a void opening in me, vast and empty.
“Yeah, for how long? How long until you go off to college, Tiffany? How long until you are the one that leaves me? If I don’t go now, I’ll be stuck here forever. I’ll end up just like my mom.” Shelly’s detached fa?ade breaks, and her voice becomes raw. Her eyes glisten with tears to match the ones that spill unbidden down my cheeks.
That stops me. There’s truth to her words. I’ve known for a long time that we’re on different paths. We have never envisioned the same future, not even when we were young.
“Let me go, Tiffany. I have to go.” She softens even more, begging. Her tears overflow and run freely.
But how can I do that? Let her go when she’s all I’ll have left? I can’t. I’m not strong enough.
“Please,” she whispers, needing my mercy, my forgiveness, my permission.
I love her, and I hate her.
I nod once, sobbing.
There’s nothing left to be said. Rafe pulls the heavy duffle from Shelly, slinging it over his shoulder. Without a good-bye, they hold hands and walk away. No longer able to stand, I crumple to my knees and watch through tear-streaked eyes until the darkness swallows them.
I desperately gasp for breath, my chest a gaping, painful wound.
If heartbreak can kill you, then I’m going to die.