73
It isn’t hard to locate Stewart. A few minutes on Google and I learn he’s still at the Luxor, only now he’s risen to become the Chief Director of Operations, which is a fancy way of saying that he runs the whole casino. His professional title surprises me. I can’t picture the awkward introvert I remember as the boss of so many people. That job would take an awful lot of handshaking and elbow-rubbing.
It takes a few calls, but eventually I get in touch with him. Our conversation on the phone is brief, just long enough to agree to meet at a local park at noon. I have no idea what to expect from him, so an open neutral meeting place seems like a good idea.
Plus, I’ve spent all morning arguing with Ethan. He wants to come with me to meet Stewart. After the encounter with Rafe, he’s extra-protective of me. He hasn’t let me out of his sight, even sitting on the edge of the bathtub this morning while I bathed. Not that I’m complaining about that since it ended up with him naked, having mind-blowing sex with me in the water. Eventually, I compromised with Ethan. I’ll meet Stewart in the park while Ethan waits for me in the car, but only if he can see me the entire time.
When we pull into the parking lot, my palms are sweating. I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to say. In my mind, I’ve practiced multiple explanations for my past actions, but nothing seems quite right. How do you apologize to someone you haven’t seen in over a decade? How do you justify deliberately hurting them?
Ethan turns the rental car off, and we sit together in silence, listening to the ticking sound of the engine as it cools. It’s a cloudless fall day, the wind brisk and the trees bare. The sun is a white orb high in the sky, but today it provides little warmth. I pull the cardigan sweater that I bought in the hotel gift shop tighter around my chest.
Hands still on the steering wheel, Ethan asks, “Are you ready?”
“Yes. I mean no…but yes.”
A sleek black sedan with heavily tinted windows glides into the lot across from us. A burly man in a dark suit gets out of the driver’s seat. There’s a gleam as the sunlight hits a small earpiece made of clear plastic with a cord running down his neck, like something a Secret Service agent would wear.
The driver walks around the car to the back door and opens it. A thin man steps out, and I recognize him as Stewart, although he’s ditched the jeans and white tennis shoes for a well-tailored dark gray suit and expensive-looking leather dress shoes.
“I can come with you,” Ethan offers again.
I frown and shake my head. “No. I want to do this alone. I need to talk to him, just me. No distractions.”
Looking like he wants to argue but knows better, Ethan leans across the center console of the car and gives me a firm kiss.
“Be careful,” he warns as he pulls away. “I’m here if you need me.”
When I step out of the car, Stewart looks past me into the car at Ethan. He’s seen the kiss, but his face remains impassive.
“Stewart—” I begin before he cuts me off.
“Let’s go talk over there.” Stewart juts his chin toward a picnic table under a pergola. It’s a short distance away.
“Okay.” We don’t speak as we walk over to the table. The silence is thick and heavy with tension. I nervously wipe my hands along the front of my pants as I sit down. The metal bench is cold beneath me with dried-up gum crusted under its edges.
Marshaling my courage, I say, “Thanks for meeting me here.”
There are no cracks in Stewart’s poker face. “I was surprised to hear from you, obviously. It made me curious to find out why you wanted to get together.”
I pause, wondering when Stewart changed. His demeanor is different now, so remote and calculating. Not a single stutter. Did he begin this transformation the day I lied to him, the day his father died? How much am I responsible for the man I see before me today?
I reach into my pocket and take out a Ziploc bag full of diamonds. Two fistfuls of them, to be exact. I place the bag on the table and shove it at Stewart.
He barely glances at the gems, which shimmer with their own internal fire. “What’re those?”
“A peace offering.” It may have been the wrong thing to do, but I couldn’t come to him empty-handed. I’m hoping he’ll see the diamonds as a symbolic gesture of good faith.
No response from him.
“You’re pretty calm for someone who just got a bunch of priceless jewels,” I observe with surprise. Maybe I was fooling myself, but I thought my gift would evoke some kind of emotion.
“I run a casino, Tiffany. Bags of gemstones aren’t uncommon in my business,” he says dryly.
Oh.Well, I guess I hadn’t thought of that.
“What do you want?” Stewart’s gaze narrows and his lips arch downward. His hand reaches out to sweep the bag off the table and into his lap. Guess he’s keeping them.
“To talk to you. To say I’m sorry. I don’t know what you figured out about that night at the masquerade party, but I lied to you and I regret it. What I did was unconscionable. You were my friend, and I betrayed your trust. I understand it won’t help, but I think about it all the time. I’ve spent years beating myself up for what I did.” The words tumble out, tripping over themselves in their rush to escape.
Stewart’s eyes narrow even more. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Knowing that you think about it? Well, I think about it too.” Finally showing some emotion, his voice crackles with anger. “You screwed me over, Tiffany. When you ran away, guess who had to pick up the pieces? I lost someone who I was starting to have feelings for at the same time I lost my father.” He makes a face, like it pains him to admit that he had liked me.
His words skewer me. I know how lonely grief can be. He lost his parent and was left all alone, just like I was. Why didn’t I see it at that time? If I hadn’t screwed up, we could have helped each other through that terrible experience. I was a fool to lose that opportunity.
Stewart’s still talking. “And I had to cover the tracks you stupidly left behind.”
I had been right. Stewart had protected me, had done whatever he needed to do in order to hide my crime. No wonder the police never came. I swallow hard, realizing that if he hadn’t intervened, my entire life could have turned out differently. All my dreams of becoming a doctor came true because of what he did.
“I appreciate that, Stewart. You have no idea how much. Everything in my life I owe to your shielding me from my own dumb, selfish mistakes. I’m sorry I put you in that position, but it was kind of you to help me. I didn’t deserve it.”
Tears threaten, but I won’t yield to them. I don’t want Stewart to believe I’m trying to manipulate him in any way. I’ve promised myself to be completely honest during this conversation. To throw away all the false masks I’ve worn over the years.
“You sure as hell didn’t.” An angry scowl dominates Stewart’s features. “You could have asked me, you know. If you needed money, you could have told me and I would have helped.”
“I know you would, but I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to end up beholden to you. That would have been leading you on, which I was trying not to do.” I shift on the uncomfortable bench.
“Agreeing to come to a party with me and wearing a pretty dress wasn’t leading me on? If you were trying to avoid that, then you did a poor job of it.” His clenched jaw ticks.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” There’s nothing else to say. I knew this would be a hard conversation, but a little part of me had hoped that Stewart would forgive me. I’m losing that hope now.
Mouth in a straight line, he stays silent, not accepting my apology. Again, I’m taken aback by the changes in Stewart. His face is stern, and his eye contact is direct. It makes me sad, missing the bashful sweet man I had known.
How we all have changed.
“Wait,” I say, a thought occurring to me. “If you covered for me, then why did the guard try to stop us when we were leaving the Luxor?”
“They stopped everyone from the party. The police tried to retain all the guests for questioning because of the shooting. They wanted statements from the witnesses.” Oh yeah, I was still wearing my mask so the guard would have known I was from the party. It all makes sense now. Stewart shoots me a look like he can’t believe I didn’t figure it out on my own, but how could I? Back then, I was too wrapped up in my guilt to think through all the possibilities.
Stewart’s eyes shift to something behind me. I follow his gaze and see he’s looking at the car where Ethan stares at us intently.
“Looks like you have a bodyguard with you today,” he comments.
“No bodyguard. He’s my,” I pause, uncertain how to describe Ethan. We haven’t had the “define our relationship” talk yet, but given the declaration of love he made yesterday I feel confident enough to say, “my boyfriend.”
“He knows about the diamonds you just gave away?” He arches a brow and tilts his head, blinking at me owlishly.
“Yes, he does.” I had told Ethan about my plan this morning, and he had agreed it was a good idea. It was a relief to be honest with him. I won’t ever lie to him again.
“Besides, I’m pretty sure you have a much more professional bodyguard than I do.” I wave toward Stewart’s town car and the brawny man inside. “Is it always like that?” I ask him. “Do you always have a bodyguard with you now that you run the Luxor?”
His face is grim. “I usually have someone with me if I don’t want to end up like my father.” He sighs, and some of his anger seems to deflate as the air blows out of him. “It’s a hard job running a casino. Always surrounded by people, but I’m still alone. Maybe it’s better this way. I never was much good at making or keeping friends.”
An urge to reassure Stewart that I’m his friend comes over me, but I hold my tongue. That would be overstepping. As much as I want him to realize he’s not alone, I understand I gave away our friendship when I accepted the invitation to that party. Still, Ethan has shown me how persistence and patience can thaw even the most frozen heart. Hopefully, there’s still a chance with Stewart.
“Look,” I begin. I brace for rejection but plow ahead anyway. “I don’t deserve it. You have every right to say no, but would it be all right if I emailed you sometimes? Maybe called you just to see how you’re doing? You may not believe me, but I really counted you as my friend.”
Lips pursed, Stewart contemplates my offer. “What about your boyfriend? Wouldn’t that bother him?”
Glancing again at Ethan, I send him a tight smile to reassure him that I’m okay. “He’s not like that. He trusts me.”
Stewart stares at an empty space over my head, his lips tight in a frown. “I don’t know about being friends again. I’m not sure I can do that with you. Not sure I want to.”
Even though I’m expecting it, hearing his words stings. I look down at the mottled brown-green grass under my feet. “I understand.”
A plane drones overhead, the only sound between us.
Finally, Stewart stands up. He takes a quick breath. “I’ll think about it. That’s the best I can do.”
Wind stirs the leaves by our feet, and I shiver. I gather my sweater tight and button it up. As we walk back to the parking lot, I tell him, “That’s all I’m asking for.” I’m grateful for even that small glimmer of hope. I truly want to mend our relationship.
It’s time to make friends again.