Chapter Nine #2
“I love you, Master. Like, in a ‘words can’t explain’ kind of way, as in ‘I wouldn’t want to go on without you’ kind of way. That’s what I meant when I said I didn’t want you to take things wrong about Gerard and Marco.”
Phil nodded. “I’m already secure in your feelings for me, but thank you for reiterating them.
” Phil chuckled. “Even Masters need reassurance sometimes. However, I think we’re dancing around the subject too much.
So, let’s discuss this in plain terms. Tell me what it is that has you concerned that I’m going to take something about Gerard and Marco and you the wrong way. ”
“Um…” Terry squirmed some more in his seat.
“I haven’t been hiding anything from you, at least I don’t look at it that way.
You know, since we already discussed playing with them again and so on.
But ever since that day when Marco came to the house, I’ve realized how much he means to me, and how important it is they remain a part of our lives.
” Terry’s head shot up, and while Phil couldn’t hold his gaze while he drove, he sensed how vital it was to Terry that he understand.
“I’m not saying I want to do anything with Marco without you there or do anything with Gerard—although doing anything with Gerard would never happen anyway, other than the whole watching and being watched thing—but my point is, I sort of feel this weird monogamous thing with them.
Like tonight? I felt as though I were cheating on them when we were watching those subs all tied up while they were sucking off different Doms.” Terry snorted. “I’ve lost it, haven’t I?”
Something eased inside Phil, something he hadn’t realized was there until just that moment. “You haven’t lost it, baby. Now that you’ve voiced your feelings, I’m wondering about my own.”
“Oh God.” Terry dropped his head in his hands. “I fucked everything up, I can’t believe how I fucked everything up.”
Phil sighed as he grabbed Terry’s hand. “No, you haven’t, calm down.
Listen to me, baby. Nothing has changed between us, not a goddamn thing.
I love you as much or more than you love me but that has nothing to do with what we’re feeling about Gerard and Marco.
Because I feel the same way. I feel like they’re ours, our play partners, and I don’t want to be with anyone else or anyone else to be with them. ”
Terry squeezed his fingers so hard, they hurt. He lifted his head. “Okay, so what are we going to do about it?”
****
Terry stared at the menu he’d been holding in his shaking hands for the past ten minutes, but still hadn’t managed to absorb any of it.
He set it down, then wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on his upper lip.
He didn’t actually need to pick anything out—Phil always ordered for him anyway—but it had given him something to do.
Phil’s random inquiries over which wine he’d prefer and whether he was in the mood for steak or seafood had barely registered.
“Baby? The waiter is coming with our wine.”
Terry straightened and pretended he wasn’t freaking out. Phil reached for his hand under the table and twined their fingers together. He waited until the wine ritual was completed before clearing his throat to speak.
“Master? Do you really think this can work? That it won’t turn into something that destroys what we already have?”
Phil tugged on their joined hands, encouraging Terry closer in the crescent-shaped booth.
“I wouldn’t have given it a second thought if I didn’t have confidence in the idea.
I also believe Gerard and Marco will be thrilled, judging by how forthcoming he was with me the day Marco showed up at the house, as well is how much closer we’ve become since working together.
But regardless of that, what we have between us takes priority over anything else.
You are my heart, my everything. Nothing changes that. ”
Terry mused over what sort of reaction they’d get from their fellow restaurant patrons if he climbed onto Phil’s lap. Tempting. He needed his Master more than he needed steak, but he had the impression that Phil taking them out to dinner was very important to him for some reason.
“I guess I wanted some verbal reassurance as well.” Terry laughed shakily. “My life sure has changed these past few months.”
“For the better, I hope?” The tone of Phil’s voice radiated a childlike concern.
“Oh my God, yes, much better. It’s just hard to believe how different it is, and how I never would’ve guessed my world would grow in such extraordinary ways.”
Phil’s lips twitched before turning into a sly grin. “Extraordinary sounds perfect. Let’s drink to that.”
Terry exhaled, his mind relaxing for the first time all evening. “Good plan. I could use a drink or seven.”
“Now, now. We’re getting one bottle and that’s it.”
“Awesome. And what will you be drinking?”
Phil grunted. “Ha. Funny man.” He raised the glass the waiter had filled and Terry raised his own. “To our extraordinary, shared lives.”
They clinked their glasses, then each took a generous swallow. The Cabernet hit his empty stomach and the warmth spread through his veins.
“Excellent choice, Master, as always.”
“Good. I have to keep my sub and soulmate happy.”
Whoa. He’d never heard Phil use that term before. Every once in a while, he’d get shocked by how much Phil had evolved since their breakup, how much deeper his emotions ran and how freely he shared them.
Soon, their food arrived, and as usual Phil prepared his dish for him.
He sliced off a piece of the filet mignon he’d ordered and added it to the seared scallops on Terry’s dish.
Phil also gave him some of the garlic mash and asparagus spears they’d ordered on the side, then presented him with the completed meal.