Chapter Twelve #2
“Don't let fear keep you from living. That's not what your mom would've wanted for you. Life's too short for regrets.”
I studied Dad's face, noticing the deep lines etched around his eyes and mouth that hadn't been there last year. His hair, once salt-and-pepper, now seemed more silver than dark.
“Dad, I...” I was unsure how to voice the guilt gnawing at me. When was the last time I'd called him just to chat? How many dinners had I skipped out on, claiming work as an excuse?
He raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue.
“I'm sorry I haven't been around much. I should've made more of an effort to stay in touch.”
Dad shook his head. “You're busy, Son. I understand.”
But I could see the hurt in his eyes, the loneliness that had plagued him since Mom died. I remembered the way he used to be—strong, larger than life. Now he seemed diminished somehow.
“That's no excuse,” I insisted. “You're my father. I should've been there for you.”
He sighed. “We both know I wasn't exactly the easiest person to be around after... well, after.”
I winced, recalling the arguments and cold silences that had stretched between us in those first few years after Mom's death. We'd both been drowning in grief, unable to reach out to each other.
“Still, I could've tried harder.”
“We both could've. But we're here now, aren't we?”
I nodded. “Yeah, we are.”
Another silence. A comfortable one this time.
“Your mom would've given us both an earful for being so stubborn.”
A chuckle escaped me, surprising us both. “Yeah, she would've.”
Dad's lips quirked up in the first genuine smile I’d seen all day. “Remember how she used to threaten to lock us in a room together until we worked out our differences?”
“God, yes.” I laughed. “She was always so determined to keep us talking, even when we were at each other's throats.”
“She knew how important family was,” Dad said. “How easily it could slip away if you weren't careful.”
I’d mirrored Dad's posture without realizing it—hands shoved deep in my pockets, shoulders hunched against a chill that had nothing to do with the weather. This was hardly the tough-love conversation I’d been looking for.
An image of Olivia surfaced. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. But her face lingered, a beacon of warmth in the cold cemetery.
I started, feeling Dad’s hand on my shoulder.
“You okay, Son?”
I nodded, unable to put my thoughts into words. But as we stood there, paying our respects to the woman we both loved and lost, I felt something stirring inside me.
Something I wasn't sure I was ready to face.
* * *
I drummed my fingers on the kitchen counter, my eyes darting to the clock for the hundredth time. Where the hell is she? Olivia was usually punctual, but today of all days, she was running late.
The weekend had been torture. I was unable to settle to anything, the urge to see her was almost physically painful.
I paced the kitchen, my coffee going cold. What was I thinking, letting her bring that dog to work? It was unprofessional, a disaster waiting to happen. But the thought of easing her pain, of seeing her face light up... It was worth it.
The sound of tires on the brick street froze me in place. I peered out the window, my mouth going dry as I saw Olivia's car pull in. She emerged, looking stunning in a soft blue blouse, Pete trotting happily beside her.
I closed my eyes and breathed in through my nose. This was just another workday. Nothing had changed. I couldn't let her see how much she affected me.
My back door swung open, Olivia letting herself in as always. I leaned against the kitchen island in an effort to appear casual.
“Oh, good morning, Carter! I hope it's still okay that I brought Pete. He's very well-behaved, I promise.”
I looked down at Pete. He wagged his tail, gazing at me with those big expressive eyes. Damn dog was almost as charming as his owner.
“It's fine,” I managed.
“Do you want to pet him?”
I hesitated. Pete's tail swished furiously, his tongue lolling out in a doggy grin. Shit. Is it even possible to say no to that face?
“Sure, why not?” I crouched down and Pete's ears perked up as I extended my hand. He sniffed my fingers, then bumped his head against my palm, demanding attention. I obliged, scratching behind his ears.
“He likes you.” Olivia’s voice was warm with approval. I glanced up, catching her delighted smile. Fuck, she was beautiful when she looked at me like that.
Pete inched closer, his whole body quivering with excitement. Before I could react, he lunged forward, his pink tongue swiping across my face.
“Ugh!” I sputtered, jerking back. But then something unexpected happened. A snicker escaped my lips, growing into full-blown laughter.
Pete wagged even harder, encouraged by my reaction. He showered me with more enthusiastic licks, his paws scrabbling at my chest.
“Down, boy!” I laughed, gently pushing him away. My cheeks hurt from smiling—when was the last time that had happened?
Olivia's giggles joined mine, the sound light and musical. “I'm so sorry! He gets a bit over-excited sometimes.”
I straightened up, wiping my face with the back of my hand. “It's fine. He's... not so bad.”
Our eyes met, and for a moment, the world stood still. A kaleidoscope of emotions passed over Olivia’s face. Her cheeks flushed and her lips parted. It felt like all the air had gone out of the room. I cleared my throat, breaking the spell.
“We should, uh, get to work.” I clutched the back of my neck and my skin was hot to the touch.
“Oh, sure thing. I just need to run out to the car and grab a couple things I brought for him. I'll be right back!”
She turned on her heel and hurried out the door, leaving me standing alone in my kitchen with Pete sitting at my feet. His fluffy tail flicked back and forth across the hardwood floor as he peered up at me expectantly.
“Alright, Pete. Let's get some work done.” I patted my thigh for him to follow and took off down the hall toward my office.
Pete trotted along next to me. I looked down at him only to find him looking up at me, and I couldn't help the smile that overtook my face.
No wonder he made Olivia feel better; he'd been here less than five minutes, and I’d already laughed and smiled more than I had in months.
I took a seat at my desk. A second later, there was a soft nudge at my hip. I looked down to see Pete's nose stuck through the hole of the armrest in my chair.
“What?”
He pawed at me insistently. I hoisted him up by his ass, and he settled comfortably between me and the back of the chair. I guess I have some new lumbar support.
“Pete! Oh my God!” Olivia’s hand flew over her mouth, stifling her giggle.
“Is this normal?”
“For dogs? Or for Pete?”
“Both, I guess.”
“Can’t be certain, but I’m going to go with ‘no’ for dogs. For Pete, this is entirely normal.”
“Good to know.”
“Alright, come on, Pete. Time to get down.”
“He's fine. He can stay.”
“Are you sure?”
I shot her a look that told her I was, in fact, sure.
“Okay, fine. Just say the word, and I'll take his furry butt to his bed under my desk.”
Our gazes lingered on each other a moment, and I nodded.
Olivia grinned at me and shook her head. “You really are full of surprises, aren't you?”
Without waiting for a reply, she turned and made her way toward her desk. I missed her smile instantly. She was like the fucking sun. Hot, radiant, and very quickly becoming the center of my universe.
But I needed to put some distance between us. To shut it down like I always did. To be the asshole everyone expected.
That was the only way to avoid having my heart ripped from my chest. The way it had been when I was sixteen, and I found my mother dead on the bathroom floor.