Ashlei
I feel better today than I have in weeks.
It’s been rough at the studio, but today I feel strong – focused – and as I spin fast around the pole, the smile on my face is irreplaceable.
The moves I’ve been working on since July are starting to come effortlessly to me and I know if I stay on track, I have a chance of taking the title in January.
That’s my sole focus now.
Sometimes it takes getting to a low place, maybe even falling to the bottom, before you realize that it’s time to start climbing up again.
For me, I didn’t know I was falling until I came face to face with the dirt.
Literally. In a way, I’m glad it happened quickly.
At least now I can save myself before it’s too late.
A stream of sunlight interrupts the darkness of Kitty Heels as Hayden and Kya enter through the front door. When Hayden’s eyes find mine, he offers me a forced smile, but I just drop to the floor and walk in the opposite direction toward the water fountain.
“Hey,” he says softly, sliding up next to me as I continue to drink. I wipe my mouth with my wrist when I stand to face him, but the pit in my stomach almost makes me spew the liquid out.
“What do you want, Hayden?”
“Listen, I’m sorry about what happened.” He can’t even say it out loud, which just makes it hurt more. “We got a little carried away, it happens sometimes when you’re high. But it won’t happen again.”
“Damn right it won’t because I’m never touching that shit again. Ever. Do you hear me?” I turn on my heel and retreat back to my pole, but Hayden follows.
“Christ, Ashlei, just wait a second.” His long hair is disheveled and stringy, his eyes surrounded by dark circles. Hayden is insanely sexy to me – or at least, he always has been before now – but today he just looks sad. And broken. And pathetic.
He nervously plays with his eyebrow ring as he tries to find the words to say next. “You weren’t hurt, right? I mean, everything is okay, right?”
My mouth drops open. “Are you fucking serious?” When he doesn’t blanch, I snap my mouth shut. “Wow. You are.” Hayden snatches my arm as I try to turn away from him again, but I rip it free.
“Why are you acting so crazy?”
“Crazy?!” I scream louder than I intended. “You shoved me out of a moving vehicle, you vapid asshole. You could have killed me.”
“We weren’t even going thirty miles an hour, Ashlei. It was a joke.”
“Yeah, well I’m not laughing.”
“We were high.”
“Exactly!” I cut him off just as he says the word.
“We were being stupid. And you? You’re always being stupid.
You mess around with that stuff like it’s not going to catch up with you.
Well, I’m done. I’ve sat on it for weeks now, trying to figure out how I felt about all of it, and now I know.
I’m staying to dance, to work for Leslie, but I want no part of what you and Kya are mixed up in. Do you hear me? None.”
“Ashlei.”
“Eat a wiener, Hayden.”
I don’t give him the opportunity to answer before I climb back up my pole and start working on my advanced moves, the adrenaline still pumping hard through my veins.
There’s an achingly heavy pressure on my chest at the thought of not having Hayden in my life anymore, but I know this is the right move.
I was crazy to let him talk me into trying cocaine in the first place.
I should have known it would blow up in my face.
The night after initiation, I blew off my sisters to hang out with him and Kya.
It was only my third time getting high with him, but apparently the third time is a charm.
What started as a fun evening letting loose ended up with me limping on the backroads back to campus.
Since then, I haven’t been myself. I’ve been lost. The only night I felt even semi-normal was on Halloween with Bo.
I bite my lip at the thought of her and slip a little in my transition, making me fall into a Nose Breaker Drop without meaning to.
I catch myself just in time, my face inches from the ground.
Circling the pole a few times to gain my composure again, I swing my way back up and do a few rounds, trying to ignore the voice in the back of my mind that wants to talk more about what Bo means to me.
“You okay?” Leslie’s voice is kind and soft, but it startles me nonetheless and I drop back to the ground, panting.
“I’m good.”
She assesses me for a moment before nodding.
“Okay then. I need you sharp for January. I know the holidays are coming up and you’re probably stressed with school, but I need your focus here as much as it can be.
Can you do that?” I nod. “Great.” Her eyes soften and she glances up at Hayden before addressing me again.
“I’m always here if you need help, Ashlei.
” She levels her eyes and I have a feeling she means more than just pole practice, but I just give a curt nod again and climb back on the pole.
I need to work out this adrenaline – and fast. When I go back to the house, it’s shopping and semi-formal preparation. How I ended up in two vastly different worlds, I’ll never know – but balancing them is getting to be more of a challenge than what I thought I signed up for.