I don’t want this to be complicated.
“I DON’T WANT THIS TO BE COMPLICATED.”
Erin
I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover, but my eyes aren’t even open yet and my head is hammering away in my skull.
It’s safe to say I have one now. Groaning, I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and pull the fluffy, light blue covers up and over my head.
When they’re jerked back, I bolt upright.
What the hell?
Slowly craning my neck to the side, I squeak and scurry from the bed, taking the covers with me and quickly wrapping them around my chest.
“Fuck, Josh, stop messing around!” Clinton sprawls out, naked as the day he was born, stretching his legs and wiggling his toes.
I swallow as the tight muscles of his abdomen ebb and flow with the movement.
His dark skin is a vast contrast against my cream sheets and my eyes can’t help but fall to the cut V that leads right down to another part of his body coming to attention this morning.
When his eyes open and he finds me cowering in the corner and staring at him wide-eyed, he blanches. “Erin?”
“Bear.”
We just stare at each other for a moment in disbelief. Slowly, our eyes scan my room, surveying his clothes in a pile on the floor and my dress thrown over the back of my desk chair. Ashlei’s bed is still made from the day before, which means she probably didn’t come home at all.
Which also means I was alone with Bear all night.
As if I just emerged from beneath a salty wave, my eyes clear and I remember in blurry, yet surprisingly vivid details what happened after semi-formal last night.
I snuck Clinton inside. We made out. He ripped my dress off. There was some sort of talk about stopping that neither of us listened to. And we had sex.
We totally, totally had sex.
“Did we?”
I nod. “Uh, yep.”
Clinton’s brows furrow and he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Well, shit.”
All at once, I spring into action, gathering his clothes off the floor and shoving them toward him before pulling on a pair of shorts and sleep shirt to cover my still-naked body.
“You have to get out of here. Mom Cindy is going freak out if she finds you here.” I shake my head, cracking my door open just enough to peek down the hall before turning back to Clinton.
“Oh my God. I can’t believe this happened. ”
“Relax,” he says groggily, pulling on his last dress shoe.
He left the belt off his slacks and his white dress shirt is unbuttoned at the top.
With his tie and jacket in one hand, he moves toward the door where I’m still standing.
“It’s fine. We had a few drinks and then had a little fun. No harm, no foul, right?”
My heart is beating rapidly against my rib cage and I can’t seem to find enough breath even though I know I’m inhaling and exhaling over and over again.
Skyler would probably kill me if she found out this happened.
And the other girls would totally judge.
It’s Clinton we’re talking about here. Plus, I’m trying to move up in the sorority – I can’t do that if word gets out that I’m sneaking boys into the house.
“Bear… we can’t…”
“I know. I won’t say anything.”
“Like, no one can find out.”
“Erin, it’s fine,” he assures me again. Holding up two fingers, he cocks a brow. “No one hears a peep about it. Scout’s honor. Okay?”
I nod. “Okay. I won’t tell anyone either.”
At that, Clinton smirks. “Obviously.”
Placing his free hand on the door handle, Clinton glances back at the bed and it’s as if he remembers what happened, too, because he smiles a little broader and throws me a wink before disappearing down the hall.
Forcing the door shut behind him, I press my back against it and let out a mixture of a moan and a sigh, shaking my head.
That did not just happen.
I can feel myself hyperventilating. I don’t have control of this situation. I clearly didn’t have control of anything last night. I need something I can exercise power over and fast. Right now I’m spinning, losing balance, and this is not me. This is not Erin Xander.
The last time I let myself lose control of my emotions and actions was the summer before my senior year of high school.
It was the summer I visited my grandparents in Kansas and in a way, I found myself in those short two months – but I also lost myself, too.
I shiver, the blue eyes of a boy I haven’t thought about in a long time sneaking up on me out of nowhere.
I vowed after that shit show that I would always have a plan and more than that – I would always stick to said plan.
Hooking up with Clinton was not in my plan.
Quickly, I cross the room and rip my laptop from its power cord before falling back onto my bed.
Before I can process it, I’m feverishly typing out my essay for my Recruitment Chair application.
I was hesitant about applying, since usually executive positions are reserved for seniors, but I’m too impatient to wait around for the presidency and I don’t want a small chair position. I want to lead. I want authority.
More than that, I need it.
As if my morning couldn’t get any worse, my phone rings and my mom’s picturesque face fills the screen. Though her hair is dark unlike my own, I definitely inherited my high cheek bones and chocolate eyes from her. I pray every day that I don’t inherit anything else – especially characteristically.
She’s ensuring my arrival for Thanksgiving, no doubt, especially since they’re hosting their annual dinner at the country club.
Just the thought of making small talk with my parents’ friends and listening to Mom and Dad’s incessant pleas for me to find a suitable man make me want to crawl under my bed and die. If only they knew about last night…
I laugh out loud at that and silence my phone at the same time. I can call her back later, and she will definitely never know about last night. I can’t even imagine the lecture I’d get if she ever did find out.
What is Bear’s major? Football? Beer? Mind-blowing Sex?
Shit. Did I really just think that?
Typing faster, I set my focus back to the task at hand – on something I have control over. I can’t help what my parents feel about me or take back my actions from last night, but I can take over what will happen when I get back from Thanksgiving.
I’ll be elected Recruitment Chair, ace my finals, party with my sisters and then take off for a European Christmas trip with Kelsey. I had a little too much fun last night, but now it’s back to business.
And, this time, no straying from the plan.