Ashlei
I thought doing cocaine would be the highest high I would ever feel.
I still remember the first time, the night we won first place in four categories at the South Florida Pole Dance Event.
Hayden pulled me into the bathroom, we got high, and then we had the best sex I’d had up until that point.
I thought that was it. In my head, it couldn’t get better than that feeling right there — the ultimate high.
But right now, stuffing the last bit of cash I needed into my small Vera Bradley backpack and handing off the final bag of Molly, a new kind of high sets in. It’s the kind that can only be obtained when the optimum feeling passes over you.
Freedom.
The girl who bought the last bag from me is young, maybe a sophomore, from a small private college in New York.
She’s dressed in cut off, high-waisted jeans and a frayed top with a flower headband wrapped around her huge, bouncy blonde curls.
She looks like she’s ready for a music festival, and with her new possession courtesy of me, she might as well be.
“Thanks,” she says sweetly, tucking the baggy in her pocket and skipping off to rejoin her friends standing outside of Sloppy Joe’s.
I pull my backpack over my shoulders again and tighten the straps, hiking it up to my upper back.
Most of the money I’ve made this week is stashed back at our suite, but today’s portion — the final portion — is finally resting right in the center of my back.
Funny, it’s the lightest my shoulders have felt in months.
It’s only the third night of Spring Break.
I thought it would take so much longer.
Bo slides up beside me, her pinky hooking around one of my belt loops. Even though it’s hot and humid tonight, her fingers are icy as they graze my skin. “Who was that?”
It’s such a simple question, but her words chase away my momentary high of freedom.
Because the truth is, I don’t know who that girl is.
I don’t know if she’s a druggie or if this is her first time.
I don’t know her apart from any of the other kids I’ve sold coke or Molly or marijuana to over the past few days.
I knew going into this that I’d have to disconnect my personal feelings.
I can’t think about them and save myself, too. I had to make a choice.
I chose me.
Still, what if someone gets hurt because of me? Would I even know? Hundreds of kids get too stupid on Spring Break and hurt themselves. But until now, I never had to make peace with the fact that I could, potentially, be the one responsible for that.
But they would probably find a way to get the drugs with or without me, right? It’s not like I’m the only one with a stash. And it’s their choice to take the drug, not mine.
Sighing, a bit defeated, I realize it doesn’t matter how I put it — I still did a shitty thing. But when I glance over at Bo’s wide eyes sparkling in the bright lights of Duval Street, knowing she’s safe from Xavier, knowing I’m free from his grip on my life, I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel guilty.
I feel relieved.
“No one. She just asked to borrow a hair tie,” I reply.
Sliding my hand up Bo’s arm, I hook my fingers around the nape of her neck and pull her into me, pressing my lips hard on hers in the middle of the sea of Spring Breakers.
For a moment, it feels like everything around us is muted — the harsh lights, the shrieks from tipsy girls, the bar chants from rowdy boys.
Bo freezes, fighting the urge to moan, her hands gripping my waist before pushing me away.
“What are you doing?” she hisses, her eyes searching the busy street. “Someone could see us.”
I grin, knowing she’s right but not really caring at the moment. “Let’s go fucking crazy tonight. I mean like let’s take it to an entirely new level.”
Bo’s eyes light up and I feel my energy transfer to her. We’re tied together like that — if she’s low, I feel low. If I’m high, she feels high. We feed off each other.
“What do you have in mind, Ashlei Daniels?”
Grabbing her hand in mine and tugging her toward The Lazy Gecko, the excitement I felt building all day burns faster, consuming me inch by inch.
“Let’s start with shots and go from there.”
Bo giggles, bouncing with me. “Deal!”
***
A few hours later, Bo and I are closing our tabs at the fifth bar of the night.
It’s late, or should I say early, but Key West doesn’t shut down until the patrons let it.
Every bar stays open as long as they feel like it, and with the bass still thumping hard and bodies still pressed together on the dance floor behind us, I know they’ll be here a while.
Bo is signing her check when I spot him.
I’m not the kind of person who finds attraction to a person slowly.
I know from the first time I meet them whether I’ll be into them or not.
With Bo, the connection was instant, even if I didn’t voice it out loud.
And right now, staring at a tall, dark-haired, dark-eyed guy just down the bar, I feel it — that instant assault of flutters in my stomach.
“Bo, what if I told you I wanted to do something really crazy tonight?”
She eyes me, letting her pen drop to the bar. “What do you mean?”
I swallow, unsure of what her reaction will be when I pose my next question.
But the adrenaline is coursing through my veins right along with the alcohol, my freedom from the hell that’s been binding me for months making me feel more alive than ever.
Taking her hands in mine, I kiss her knuckles and level my eyes with hers. “Have a threesome with me.”
“What?” she balks, her mouth hanging open. “Ashlei, I don’t… I just want you.”
I swallow, nodding. “I know, and you know I want you, too. I love you,” I say the words before thinking better of them, but I don’t take them back. It’s true. I do love her.
She closes her mouth, her brows pulling inward as her hands squeeze mine. “You do?”
I nod. “I do, Bo. You pulled me out of a darkness I didn’t think I would ever survive.
And now that I’m here, in a better place than I’ve been in months, with you — I want to celebrate by doing something wild.
But only if it’s with you. I want this with you.
” She frowns, but I pull her closer. “Please.”
Bo studies me, chewing her slim bottom lip. “Have you ever done it before?”
I shake my head, and that seems to reassure her.
“I just… I feel so alive right now, Bo. I feel spontaneous. It’s Spring Break, I’m here with you, I’m free from all the shit that’s been holding me back,” I trail off, not wanting to get into details since Bo isn’t aware of what I had to do to achieve said freedom.
Tucking a strand of blonde hair behind my ear, I ask again.
“Please. Let’s experience this together. ”
For a moment longer, she keeps her bottom lip pinned between her teeth. But then, slowly, she nods, and when I smile, she does, too.
“Come with me.”
I wrap my arms around her waist and walk her with me, straight up to Mystery Man, whose eyes are just as fiercely attached to mine as mine are his.
“Hi,” I say softly, not even attempting to hide how my eyes are devouring every inch of him.
The corner of his lips tilts up in response, and he takes it as permission to do the same. “Hello, ladies,” he replies, his gaze finding Bo next.
Bo swallows, flushing before she asks me, “Is he the one you want?”
I nod and she takes a deep breath, giving me a small smile that lets me know to make my next move. Excitement burns through me, its source at my core as I turn back to the guy.
“What’s your name?”
“Alex,” he answers smoothly.
“Alex…” I try it on, tasting it as my eyes skate over his muscular forearms. “Take us back to your place.”
***
Bo’s hand shakes in mine and I squeeze it gently, trying to soothe her nerves as the cab drops us at the large gate of a private home.
“I thought you said you were here with your fraternity brothers?” I ask, referencing Alex’s conversation in the car ride over. It turns out, he’s an Omega Chi. I have no fucking idea how I’ve never seen him before now.
He unlocks the large wooden door and gestures for us to walk in first. “I am.”
I shoulder off my Vera Bradley bag and toss it into a small chair near the front door as Alex shuts it behind us, my eyes on the lavish surroundings and my hand still latched onto Bo’s.
“A little high-end for a house full of fraternity brothers, don’t you think?
” I ask, glancing back at him. He runs a hand through his dark hair and grins, his eyes heavy from the alcohol.
“It’s my uncle’s place. He rents it out most of the year, so when I found out this is where we were going for Spring Break, he blocked it out so I could have it. ”
“Wait, so you guys get to stay here for free?” Bo asks, now letting her own eyes wander the no-doubt expensive paintings lining the walls. Alex nods and I trail my fingers along the smooth, polished wood surface of the long dining room table before my eyes catch on something shiny in the next room.
“Oh my God, your uncle must be a bachelor.” Dropping Bo’s hand, I cross quickly into the other room, empty save for a few air mattresses blown up along the far wall and one, lone pole in the middle.
One wall is made up completely of floor-to-ceiling mirrors and I note my wild blonde hair and dark, mascara smeared eyes.
Alex chuckles. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” He slides up next to Bo and watches me carefully as my hands find the pole.
When the cool metal hits my palms, I exhale long and slow, a rush of emotions hitting me — fear, excitement, longing.
I’ve missed being on the pole, and I’m just drunk enough to not let the dark thoughts creep in as I grip it hard and swing my legs, hoisting myself up into an easy spin and high kick hold.
I drop back down to the ground gently, balancing on the balls of my feet as I circle the pole, one hand still attached, my eyes finding Bo’s.
Suddenly, she doesn’t seem so nervous.
She seems mesmerized.