Bear
“I know it’s upsetting, but remember how you got here in the first place,” Alec says to a full, groaning chapter room on Friday night.
He holds up his hands to try to silent my brothers, but it’s a futile attempt.
Everyone is already anxious to get out to the bars, being that it’s our first weekend since rush, but with Alec’s news, that anxiousness turns more to anger.
Alec is the most hated alumni of Omega Chi Beta, mostly because he was the one to deliver us our asses on a silver platter last year in the form of a chapter suspension. And with the news he just delivered, his reputation isn’t getting any better.
Because even after minding our Ps and Qs last fall, we’re still suspended.
And my brothers are pissed.
After a semester of good deeds, we all thought we’d be back in action this year. But it turns out one semester doesn’t undo years of getting ourselves into trouble, and honestly, I can’t say I’m surprised.
“Look,” Alec says louder, calming the room.
“You guys did great in the fall. Your philanthropic efforts were spot on, and you stayed out of trouble once the suspension was put into place. I know another semester feels like a lifetime, but if you can hold it together, you’ll be back to full status next fall. ”
The room erupts in groans again, and I’m secretly thankful that our first chapter doesn’t include any of the new guys who decided to pledge Omega Chi. They’d be changing their minds real quick if they saw us right now.
“What about the seniors?” one brother asks above the rest.
“Yeah, what about Spring Break?”
That causes another unified growl of disapproval, and Alec looks a little sorry then, scanning the faces of the other alumni advisors behind him.
One of them says something to him that none of us can hear over all our brothers bitching and moaning, and Alec comes back to the mic with his hands up again.
“I’ll try my best to get you permission for Spring Break, but even if you can do something as a chapter, it will most likely have to be with another fraternity, too.
” Alec kills the protests to that before they can even start.
“OR, you can not go at all, the choice will be yours — if I can convince nationals that you deserve a Spring Break.”
We all pack up our shit in relative silence when chapter ends, a solemn disappointment settling over all of us.
The Omega Chi Beta brothers were the top fraternity on campus, until our suspension, and now we’re quickly being replaced — or at least rivaled — by Alpha Sigma.
My brothers hate it, and so do I, but there’s not much we can do.
“This fucking blows,” my Little, Josh, says as we push through the chapter doors and out into the cool night air. It’s our first chapter, less than a week of classes under our belt in the new semester, and now that rush is over, there’s not much for us to look forward to.
“It’ll be alright,” I assure him, adjusting my book bag on my shoulder. “We’ll just have to party off campus or at other frat houses like we did last year.”
“Oh yeah, let’s just continue to go to Alpha Sigma parties and help them elevate their status above ours. Sounds great.”
“Better than not partying at all, am I right?”
Josh frowns, not happy about that point. He runs a hand over his curly, ginger hair, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips.
“Whatever. I just hope we get to go on Spring Break.”
“I think Alec is actually in our corner this semester,” I say. “Let’s just hope nationals will listen to him.”
“We’ll find out.”
Josh looks at me, taking in my haggard appearance.
I know I look haggard, because I slept half the day away and woke up just in time to throw on business slacks and a button up for chapter.
It was my first chance to catch up on rest since last semester ended, after spending winter break up in Pittsburgh helping my little brother, Clayton, find a part-time job.
“You need to get laid,” Josh says when we turn onto Greek Row.
I chuckle. “I don’t think I have the energy to fuck anyone right now.”
“Well, you better take a nap and find some. And fast. Because you look like shit.”
“Thanks, Little.”
“I’m serious,” he continues, unapologetically.
“You spent your entire winter break helping out your fam, which is admirable, man, and I think it’s awesome that you’re there for your little bro.
But seriously dude, you’re Clinton Pennington.
You’re M.O. is weightlifting, partying, and fucking — and I haven’t seen you do much of any of that in a while. ”
I frown, considering his assessment. With Omega Chi being suspended, I have toned down on the partying, and after the little stunt I pulled with Shawna in front of Lacey last semester, I’m not getting any tail from her anymore.
The combination of worrying about my brother and feeling sick over treating Skyler like shit had me sitting in my room playing video games more than lifting weights at the end of last semester.
In a way, I guess you could say I’d let myself go.
“I’m just in a funk,” I finally say. “I’ll be fine.”
“Here,” Josh says, thumbing out a text on his phone.
Mine pings in the next instant. “I just sent you an invite for this dating app everyone is talking about. It’s exclusive to PSU, and it’s literally like shopping for a fuck buddy.
You just swipe right on a girl’s picture if you’re interested, and swipe left if you’re not.
If you match, then you can see their phone number and they can see yours.
It’s up to one of you to make a move then. ”
“Sounds creepy.”
“It’s efficient,” he argues. “And I’ve already fucked three girls this week.”
I raise my brows, and as sad as it is, he has my attention.
“I’ll think about it.”
Josh opens the door to our house, letting me in first before he holds up his phone again. “Don’t think about it, do it. Seriously, Bear. You spend so much time taking care of everyone else — the fraternity, your family — but what you need to spend some time doing is getting your dick wet.”
“That almost sounded sincere.”
Josh just shrugs. “Hey, I’m nothing if not honest. Download the app. And come out to the Kappa Kappa Beta date auction tonight. You need to get out of your room.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he’s jogging up the stairs to his room.
I sigh when I’m inside my own room down the hall, dropping my bag at the door and taking in the small space.
It’s the same room I’ve had since I joined Omega Chi, same bedspread, same décor.
The same gaming system rests underneath the same TV, the same paddle with the same letters hanging above my bed.
So much in that room is exactly the same as it was the day I moved in, and yet the man who sleeps inside it every night couldn’t be further from the boy he was that day.
I flop down on my bed, eyes on the ceiling as my Little’s words play on repeat in my head.
In a way, he’s right.
I can’t help but take care of the people around me, it’s just who I am.
Between my brothers and my family, I haven’t had energy for much else.
Add in the fact that Erin still won’t let me in to talk about what happened last year, and you could say the amount of space left in my energy tank for dating is pretty nonexistent.
But as much as I want to blame it on time and energy, the truth of why I’ve avoided anyone other than Lacy hovers over me like a blinking neon sign.
I’m not over Shawna.
Just bringing her memory to mind makes my chest tighten, and I roll on my side, staring at my phone on the bedside table.
Have I even tried to get over her? To forget her?
I know that answer before I even ask the question, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I don’t do feelings. Before Shawna, the most a girl had ever gotten out of me was more than one night in my bed.
But after her? Well, no girl had a shot in hell of getting anything at all from me.
Lacy had been there, sure — but as a distraction, as a mutual understanding.
We didn’t talk, didn’t hang out, didn’t go on dates. We banged, and then she left. The end.
But I’d ruined that.
Huffing, I swipe my phone off the table, opening up Josh’s text and clicking the link inside it.
I don’t know if I’m ready for dating, or even finding a fuck buddy, but I decide to give it a shot, anyway.
My brother is fine — he’s got a job now and still has plenty of cash leftover from the generous gift Skyler gave him last semester.
My brothers are stuck on suspension, and there’s nothing more I can do about that right now.
And Erin? Well, she doesn’t want my help — no matter how much I want to give it.
It’s a new semester, a new year, and maybe it’s time I get back to basics — back to Bear.
So, I make a new gym plan, order some protein powder online, and then I download the stupid motherfucking app and start swiping.