Erin
I’ve never had an ulcer, but at just twenty-one years old, I might be experiencing my first.
We haven’t spoken since Friday, since the night my plan went up in the most catastrophic of fires.
Not only did Skyler have to make a public scene, including making an early exit with Adam, but Kip also left — which was not part of the plan.
I expected him to run to me, or at the very least, to stay at the dance.
I could have found him later, comforted him as he got wasted, been there for him as he tried to make sense of what happened with Skyler.
I expected it to be a slow transition, but a transition, nonetheless.
But, he’d just left. He’d left without so much as a glance in my direction. And I haven’t heard from him since.
And Skyler isn’t talking to me either.
Cool.
It’s a beautiful Sunday, one of those days in Florida where I’m more than thankful I don’t live anywhere else in the country. There’s a blizzard up north, meanwhile it’s sunny and in the seventies here in South Florida.
In February.
I sigh, tearing my eyes away from Skyler to take another drink as Jess continues her story.
“I don’t know, he’s fun, and the sex is good, but…” She pauses, chewing her lip. “It’s just…”
“He’s not Jarrett,” Ashlei finishes for her.
Jess lets out a long exhale, sucking the vodka and pink lemonade mix up through the straw in her tumbler. “He’s just not Jarrett.”
I smile, reaching over Ashlei to swat Jess’s knee playfully. “Hey, don’t overthink it so much. Do you like this guy? Greg?”
“Yes,” she says, circling the lid of her tumbler with her index finger.
“The sex is good, you like hanging out, he makes you laugh… right?”
She nods.
“Well,” I continue with a shrug. “Then, maybe instead of trying to distract yourself from Jarrett with him, you actually try to let yourself date him — like, for real. I mean, have you guys talked about that at all?”
“We haven’t. And it’s weird because I thought we were just kind of hook-up buddies or whatever, but we talk every day. He calls me all the time, and we hang out almost every night. He talks to me about his internship, about his family. He’s really been letting me in.”
“And have you done the same?”
At that, Jess frowns. “No. To tell you the truth, I’m a little scared.”
Cassie glances over at us, like that statement resonates with her, but she doesn’t say a word. She’s been just as quiet as Skyler since the dance on Friday, and we had to drag them both out today. She watches us for a moment before watching the water again, sitting in content silence with Skyler.
“It’s okay to be scared,” Ashlei says, the wind blowing her hair over her shades before it whips it back again. “Dating is scary. I mean, seriously, is there anything more terrifying than showing someone your heart and just hoping they’ll stick around after they see the crazy shit inside it?”
We’re all quiet at that.
Jess sighs after a moment. “He did ask me to go see a movie this week, one of the new superhero ones.”
“Sounds date-ish,” I assess. “You should go.”
She nods, chewing her cheek as if she’s giving herself a pep talk in her head. “Okay. I’ll go. Why shouldn’t I try to move on?” She pauses. “I mean, it clearly didn’t take Jarrett long to.”
Ashlei squeezes Jess’s knee, and I just take a sip of my drink. Sometimes, there are no words to cool the sting of betrayal, especially from someone you loved as much as Jess loved Jarrett.
I reapply my tanning oil as Ashlei changes the subject, filling us in on the terror of a coworker she’s interning with this semester.
I’m forming my advice for her in my head, ready to relay some of what my mom taught me over the years, but everything washes away when a shadow crosses over us and we all turn to find the source.
Kip.
In nothing but a pair of red, white, and blue board shorts and his reflective aviators, I have a hard time not letting my jaw drop the way the rest of the girls did.
His hair is mussed, being continually tussled by the wind, and he tucks his hands in his pockets easily as a cocky grin spreads over his face.
“Afternoon, ladies.”
I swallow, the act strained against the lump forming in my throat. I trace the sexy stubble on his jaw, let my eyes crawl over the tan skin stretched over his abdomen muscles, and when my eyes find his again, I smile.
“Well, hello there, handsome,” I say, hope blooming in my chest as I hold up one hand to shield the sun streaming in from behind him. I shouldn’t have hope so easily, shouldn’t assume anything. He could be here for Skyler. He could ask her if they can talk.
But I can’t help it, because though those things might be a possibility, his eyes are locked on me right now.
Me.
Not Skyler.
And my fractured heart can’t help but hold onto that.
“You girls need a drink?” he asks, thumbing over his shoulder to where his brothers are set up down the beach. “We’ve got a cooler up by the volleyball net.”
“We’re all set, thanks,” Jess says quickly, but I don’t take my eyes off Kip.
And he can’t seem to take his eyes off me.
He smiles. “Well, if you run out, you know where to find us.” He glances at Jess when he says that, but then his focus is right back on me. “Erin, are you free tonight?”
My heart leaps up into my throat, thumping an unsteady rhythm somewhere right under my tongue as I try not to squeal out loud.
“I was thinking maybe we could catch up. I haven’t really had a chance to talk to you since I got here, and before that it had been at least two years since we had a conversation. What do you think? Wanna grab a bottle of Jack and reminisce on the good ol’ days of harvest?”
That hope that had popped its head up before jumps out completely now, filling my chest with a new, lighter breath. I wonder if I have literal hearts in my eyes, and I’m thankful for the sunglasses covering them — just in case.
Holy shit. It worked. The plan actually worked.
“You bring the bottle and I’ll make my grandma’s famous sandwiches,” I say, focusing on keeping my breaths steady. “They’ll be the perfect ingredients to travel back in time.”
Kip nods, a smirk curving up the right side of his beautiful lips. “I can hardly wait. Pick you up at seven?”
Seven!
I need to shower. I need to do my hair. I need to pick up new lipstick. Oh my God, what will I wear?
“It’s a date,” I say, my mind racing with everything I need to get done. It’s still circling and circling as Kip holds up his hand in a slight wave, turning his back on us without another word to rejoin his brothers.
Oh. My. God.
I turn toward the girls, finally letting my mouth pop open. “Did that just happen?!”
Ashlei and Jess smile, Jess nodding as she removes her sunglasses and gazes down the beach where Kip just walked. “Uh, yeah. Holy shit.”
“I can’t believe it! It worked, girls. It actually worked!”
Cassie is still watching the waves, but she forces a smile, glancing over at me quickly before returning her gaze. “Congrats, G-Big. Mission accomplished.”
I shake my head, mouth still open as I try to process it.
“I can’t believe it actually worked. And I couldn’t have done any of this without you, Little,” I say, tears springing in my eyes as I turn to face her.
I take my sunglasses off, letting my emotion show.
“I mean that. I know this was so hard, and that you had to do something that made you really uncomfortable. But I…” Words fail me, and I laugh, still shaking my head.
“I can’t ever tell you how much this means to me, how much I needed this. Thank you, Skyler. Thank you.”
Ashlei squeezes my forearm as Jess smiles in my direction, and even Cassie gives me a little quirk of her lips, though she still seems lost in her own world.
Skyler just watches me for a moment, and I wonder if her eyes are on me or on where Kip just walked behind me.
“Of course,” she says after a moment, her voice soft. She clears her throat, smiling for the first time since Friday. “It was hard, but it’s over now. And you got what you wanted all along. I’m so happy for you.”
I search for a hint of sarcasm, but find nothing. Skyler seems genuine, her smile true, her eyes kind as she takes off her own shades.
“Thank you.”
She smiles a little wider, holding up her empty cup with a rattle of the ice. “I’m going to go refill. Be right back.”
“I’ll come, too,” Jess says, popping up with her.
When they’re gone, Ashlei and I talk excitedly about what I should wear, and my mind runs wild with possibilities of what the night might hold.
Will we talk all night, reminiscing about old times?
Will he tell me all about his life since I left, about how he missed me after that summer, about how he’s thought about me so much since then?
Will I tell him about the times I called, when I never said a word, or will I keep that to myself?
Will he hold me and tell me everything’s okay, that he’s here now, that he’s back in my life for good?
Oh God, will he kiss me?
I cover my mouth with one hand at that, touching my lips with my fingertips and not even fighting against my smile.
I’m going on a date with Kip Jackson.
I never thought I’d ever get to say those words again, let alone say them and they be true.
But I am.
And finally, after a year of suffering, a year of nothing but regret and painful reminders of all the scars PSU has given me, I see a soft light at the end of the long, dark tunnel.
Happiness.
And it’s finally within reach.