Erin
“Alright, ladies,” I say once the room is quiet, glancing over my notes for tonight’s Chapter meeting. “I think that wraps up everything on the agenda. But we do have some visitors tonight. So, phones away, everyone give your full attention, okay? First up, the ladies of Zeta Pi Alpha.”
My sisters sit and clap politely as Jess lets five girls from the sorority stand at the front of the room and tell us about their upcoming philanthropy event.
I’m half-listening, half-watching my sisters with a proud smile.
It’s a bigger Chapter night with our visitors, so I booked us one of the large rooms in the Sciences Building.
And now that our new members have been officially initiated, the room feels whole, and I love knowing that I’m a part of what made this organization what it is now.
After last semester, Kappa Kappa Beta was awarded the best GPA out of all the sororities on campus.
With Jess taking over during recruitment, we had a brand new, all-star pledge class, and with each member of exec mentoring another sister, I have faith that when we hand off the torch at the end of the semester, it’ll be with this sorority in the best shape it’s ever been in.
But it just might end with Cassie.
She decided again not to take a Little this semester, and as much as that pissed me off when she didn’t as a sophomore, I accept it now. So what if our line ends with her? If it did, I’d say we’ve had a pretty badass family line, and every single one of us has left a mark on this sorority.
Besides, I’m done trying to tell others what they should do or judge them based on their decisions.
God knows I wouldn’t want anyone judging me based on mine.
After the Zetas leave, I announce that the brothers of Omega Chi are next, and I take a seat off to the right of the podium still in a slight daze.
Until Bear walks in first, leading a group of ten of his brothers to the front of the room.
I stiffen immediately at the sight of him, sitting up straighter in my chair. He winks at Skyler and smiles at various sisters around the room, but then his eyes find mine, and he keeps them on me until the moment he reaches the front of the room and turns to address the chapter.
“Ladies,” he says, his booming voice commanding attention as always. “Thank you for having us.”
And as he stands there, demanding that power, I can’t help but appreciate the way he looks when he’s cleaned up for Sunday Chapter. I love Bear in his basketball shorts and muscle tanks, but there’s just something about seeing him in dress slacks and a button-up that makes it hard to swallow.
“We know you’re busy, and that all of you probably want to get home to enjoy what’s left of your Sunday before classes tomorrow, so we won’t stay long. We just wanted to wish you good luck on mid-terms, and bring you a little something…”
At that, he looks to the back of the room where one of his brothers is still standing, and he nods, opening the doors. As soon as he does, more and more Omega Chi brothers pile in, each of them holding a dozen roses in one hand and a reusable bag in the other.
The girls all gasp and smile in delight as each Omega Chi brother finds a sister and gives her the roses and bag.
A few of the guys are carrying two of each, and they bring the extras to the front of the room to the brothers who were already standing there.
When Bear has his in hand, he turns to me, and the smile slips off my face.
The room is abuzz with girls laughing and squealing and kissing cheeks and pulling all the goodies out of their bags — chocolate, salty snacks, a couple of shot-sized alcohol bottles — but I’m so focused on Bear walking toward me that I barely register any of it.
I stand when he’s a few feet away, and he pauses, extending the bundle of roses and goody bag. He doesn’t say a word as I take them from his hands, but our fingers brush, and I inhale a deep breath at the contact.
“Thank you,” I manage.
He nods, and there’s something there in his eyes — something I can’t quite put my finger on. He looks so sad, so tired, and… maybe a little sorry.
Our dinner flashes in my mind, and my cheeks heat as I tear my gaze from his.
It’s all I can do to hold it together through the rest of Chapter once he and his brothers are gone, and as soon as I call it, I gather my belongings and force a smile through small talk with sisters until the room is clear.
I lock up behind me with one thought on my mind — I need wine. But when I turn and spot a familiar shadow leaning against the brick building, a completely different thought comes to mind.
“Gavin?” I ask, shaking my head. “What are you doing here?”
He kicks off the wall with a grin. “Picking you up.”
“Picking me up?” I cross my arms and arch a brow. “It’s a Sunday night. I’ve got class early in the morning.”
“I won’t keep you out too late.” His eyes flick to the flowers in my hand, but he doesn’t address them.
“I take it that means you’re not taking no for an answer.”
The crook of his lips is all I get as a response, and he holds out his arm, waiting for me to slip mine through it.
***
“I’m sorry,” the girl on stage at The Black Lily says, looking around the dimly lit room at all of the patrons. Gavin and I are in the back corner, at a table for two, each of us sipping on warm Earl Grey tea.
I can’t take my eyes off the poet on stage, and it seems Gavin can’t take his eyes off me.
“I’m sorry for distracting you, my shoulders too bare, my thighs too exposed in these shorts. I’m sorry for speaking too loud, my words ugly with truth, your ears sensitive from ignorance.”
Each word she says hits like a beat of a drum, the cadence powerful and seductive, and I lean into every line.
“I’m sorry for chasing my dream, how selfish of me, to not ask for permission first.”
A few girls snap at that, firing up the energy in the room.
“I’m sorry for leaving you, how careless to stand on my own when you begged me to bend.”
“Preach, girl!” someone calls out in the dark.
“I’m sorry for proving you wrong,” the poet says, grabbing the mic and raising her voice as her haunting brown eyes sweep the room.
“How embarrassing my smile is for you, I’m sure.
I’m sorry the flower you tried so long to drown bloomed anyway — that stem, once so fragile and weak, now roots dug deep. ”
A few more snaps ring out, and I snap, too, completely lost in the moment.
“I’m sorry,” she says, louder now, her eyes boring into the crowd. “That I was never sorry.”
“Yes!”
“Go on, then!”
The poet pauses, lowering the mic back into the stand before she whispers, “And that I never will be.”
Applause rings out as she takes a little bow and exits the stage, leaving the mic open once again for the next performer, and I shake my head in awe, leaning back in my chair with my muscles relaxing all at once like I was just holding onto a speeding train for my life rather than listening to spoken word.
“She’s amazing,” I whisper, glancing at Gavin. “All of these performers are.”
“Open mic is pretty cool, huh?”
“Very,” I say, reaching for my tea to take a sip. “You come here a lot?”
“Almost every Sunday. It’s a cool place on a regular night, too, but… for me? Open mic is where you get the real. The raw. The brave.” He nods toward the stage. “It takes a lot of guts to get up there.”
“Do you ever?”
He shakes his head easily. “I’m more of the lurk in the corner kind of guy than the one who wants a mic in his hand.”
“Fair,” I say with a smile. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“Of course.”
I study him for a moment while the next performer gets set up — a young man, no older than eighteen if I had to guess, with an acoustic guitar and a wide, unabashed grin.
“Have you thought about our little therapy assignment?”
Gavin frowns. “What assignment?”
I chuckle. “Don’t you ever listen? Jackie asked us to think about what we miss about the old us.”
“Oh,” Gavin says with a frown. “Yeah, well, I instantly wrote that off as stupid and never considered it again.”
“Why do you think it’s stupid?”
“Why do you think it’s not?”
A little laugh bubbles in my throat. “I don’t know. I guess I’m open to any and everything therapy has to offer. I’ve tried handling this all on my own,” I confess. “It didn’t work out well.”
Gavin watches me curiously. “Okay. Tell me yours. What do you miss about the you before you were all fucked up?”
He waves his hands in the air like a fortune teller with those words, making me giggle.
“I miss a lot of things, actually,” I say, playing with the handle on my teacup. “I miss when my biggest worry was what to wear to a sorority event. I miss when all my friends trusted me and looked up to me.” I swallow. “I miss wanting to have sex.”
I can’t look at Gavin when I say those words, and they hang between us for a long time before he responds.
“I just miss my sister.”
My heart cracks in my chest, and I close my eyes, inhaling a breath before I open them to meet his gaze. For a long while, he watches me unashamed, but slowly, he lowers his eyes to the table, jaw ticking, nose flaring.
He looks so old and tired and broken in that moment that I can’t help but reach over and shelter his hand with mine.
Gavin swallows at the contact, covering my knuckles with his thumb, smoothing skin over skin, his eyes flicking up to meet mine. I offer a small smile, squeezing his hand in return.
“Thank you for sharing.”
I get a genuine smile for that, and Gavin shakes his head, bringing my knuckles to his lips briefly before he pulls his grasp from mine to reach into his back pocket.
“Alright,” he says, slapping a twenty down to pay for our tea and leave a generous tip. He stands then, holding out his hand for mine again. “I promised to get you back early.”
“I just need to use the restroom.”
“Come on, I’ll take you.”
Gavin leads me through a dark hallway in the back of the venue, waiting outside the bathroom for me. Then, we slip out the back door, and it’s just the two of us alone in the alley.