Chapter 43
M atthieu made a low, dark noise that actually had her straightening in shock. She had not expected that from him. “That is your stepmother talking.”
Was it?
But she did ruin stuff, right? That’s why she couldn’t hold down a job or a relationship . . .
Only, that wasn’t entirely true, was it?
The reasons she’d lost jobs weren’t usually down to her. Sure, she’d never had a long-term relationship. That was hard when you pushed away everyone that could care about you. However, most of that was due to her issues around her mom’s death and the way her father had turned his back on her.
Could she learn not to ruin everything good in her life?
“She told you that you don’t deserve good, but that’s all fucking lies.
You cannot let her run your life. You have to break free of the cycle, Bébé.
I’m going to help you do that. By showing you that you are lovable.
That you are worth everything good that comes your way.
And that I will not leave you. At least not without a fight. ”
Nothing was guaranteed.
He knew that as well as she did. One of them could die tomorrow.
And I would rather have a week of happiness with you than a lifetime without you.
All she had to do was be a bit brave.
All she had to do was believe in him and then maybe the belief in herself would come.
“I don’t want to ruin us,” she whispered.
“You could never ruin us,” he told her. “I know her words worked their way in deep, but I’m going to pick them out one by one. We’re going to get rid of her poison and make you whole again.”
“I never want to lose you.”
“And I don’t want to lose you. So I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to keep us both safe.”
She nodded, her lower lip wobbling. “I want this so much. You and I.”
“Good, Bébé. Because this is happening. You and me against the world.” He placed his hand on her chest and she moved her shaking hand to his chest. “Say it with me. You and me together forever.”
“You and me together forever.”
“Matthieu and Maya,” he murmured.
“Matthieu and Maya,” she repeated.
“Papa and Bébé.”
Her breath got stuck in her chest. Could she say it? Could she dream it?
But you don’t have to dream it, because it’s right here.
“Papa and Bébé,” she repeated.
He smiled and she couldn’t take it, she had to glance away. But then he touched her chin, turning her face back. “No more of that. Not any longer. You can look at me now that I’m yours.”
“I’m not so sure that’s true. You’re still too beautiful.”
“I’m not the beautiful one,” he told her. “And you can.”
She took a deep breath, but she knew he was right. If he was going to be hers, then she had to believe that he really was hers. All of that sexiness and beauty was hers.
“Such a good, brave girl,” he told her. “Do you think you can continue being brave?”
“I hope so.”
“You think you can trust me enough to show me all of you? Including your Little?”
Deep breaths.
“I want to.”
More deep breaths.
“But I’ve never shown her to anyone.”
“No one?”
“No one.” She shook her head. “Who would I trust with her?” She thought about that for a moment. “Maybe Livvy. Or Millie. Now that I know they’re Littles. I could maybe tell them, but I don’t know if I could show her to them.”
“Because you don’t feel safe,” he told her. “Because you’ve never really felt safe.”
She nodded. No, she’d never really felt safe.
“But I will show you that you can have that with me.”
“I know I’m safe with you. I know you’ll protect me. I don’t think that you’ll make fun of me or tear me down.”
“I would never.”
She nodded. “It’s just still scary.”
“I get that. Letting yourself be vulnerable is always scary. But that’s when you can find everything you ever dreamed of.”
“I think almost every night since I met you, I dreamed of having you. As mine. As my man. As my Papa.”
“Then that’s what you get. Since I’m the person making your dreams become reality.”
She had to smile. He could be so arrogant sometimes. “So now you’re a genie in a bottle? Do I just need to rub you to get what I want?”
“Well, give it a try and you can see what happens,” he said with a wink.
She groaned. “I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”
He just grinned. “Life doesn’t always need to be serious, you know. It can be fun. It can be filled with bad jokes and laughter.”
“I haven’t . . . I can’t remember when I just had fun. I’ve had some fun times, don’t get me wrong. I think it would be impossible not to smile around Millie. But most of my life, I’ve just been fighting to keep my head above water. To keep myself and my babies in a safe place.”
“And now you don’t have to worry about that. Because I’m here to take that on. So that you can live carefree without worry.”
“Shouldn’t we share the worries, though? That’s the way a partnership works, right?”
“Hmm. Let me think about that a moment?” He tapped his finger against his chin. She moved her hands to her lap, pressing them together. “Nope. I don’t think so. You’ve had enough worries and when you’re left to make decisions, you make terrible ones.”
“Hey, I do not!”
“Rescuing puppies from a puppy farm,” he reminded her dryly.
“That’s not the hardest animal rescue mission I’ve been on or the most dangerous.”
He shot her a dark look.
Yeah, that might not have been the smartest thing that she could have said. Perhaps he was right and she shouldn’t be making too many decisions.
“You won’t be doing that anymore.”
“But—”
“Nope. No buts. There are no arguments on safety issues or rules. Understand? If I give you a rule for your safety, then you just follow it.”
She narrowed her gaze at him. “Not sure I can agree to that. You get to make safety rules while I’m in danger, but the rest of the time I think I can at least argue with them.”
“You can think that. But you’re wrong,” he informed her.
Oh, he sounded so sure of himself, didn’t he?
“No arguing. I know how to keep you safe. And your safety is of utmost priority to me. I’m not going to make a rule to be a dick. Every rule, for safety or not, will be with you foremost in my mind. Understand?”
Well, drat.
When he said it like that she couldn’t really argue, could she?
Darn it.
“All right, I’ll agree that safety rules are firm. Other rules, if I don’t like them, I can argue with.”
“You can argue, Bébé. Doesn’t mean they will change.
Oh, and all rules for your Little are mine to make.
They won’t be negotiated. Littles don’t make the rules.
At least, my Little doesn’t. I don’t care what happens in other people’s relationships.
My Little girl trusts her Papa to take care of her.
Because she knows Papa will always put her first.”
Part of her wanted to tell him that this was happening too fast and she needed more time. Surely, he would understand that.
She thought he would.
But she actually wasn’t sure if that was true or just something that she thought she should say. Because everything he said was something she wanted.
More than that, though, it was something that she thought he could and would give her.
“All right,” she said.
“All right, Papa,” he countered.
“Holy moly, we’re just diving straight into this, aren’t we?”
“Do you need some time to think?” he asked.
Time to think?
No. That was probably the last thing she needed. What she needed was to start living.
“No,” she whispered. She shook her head. “No, that’s not what I need. I want to dive in. I want to start this life together even if this is a bit of a crazy way to start it, hiding out in a cabin from a man that seems to want to kill me.”
“Actually, I think this is a good way to start. Just the two of us, well, and your babies. But we can concentrate on each other fully. Without other distractions. I can keep your phone for you, screen your messages and calls. Give you a break from life. If you want to spend most of your time in Little headspace, you can. If we want to spend the whole day in bed together, we can. If we want to spend the entire day naked, we can.”
Holy moly.
She wanted to do that. She wasn’t sure what she wanted more, though.
All of the above.
“My Bébé likes the idea of that. Doesn’t she?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Yes, what?” he asked.
“Yes, Papa,” she said, wriggling on his lap. “I likes the idea of that.”
“Such a good girl for Papa. I’m going to have to make sure I reward her.”
“I know how. I know how!” She put her hand up in the air.
Yikes. What are you doing? You’re acting like a bit of a goof.
“How?” he asked. He didn’t look at her like she was an idiot as she dropped her hand. No, he looked almost indulgent.
“By not spanking me!”
“Oh, you think your reward should be not getting a punishment you earned?”
“A get out of punishment free card!” she told him excitedly. She was on to something here. She could be as naughty as she liked as long as she was a good girl afterward.
“Unfortunately, that’s not how punishment works,” he told her. “If you earn a punishment, there’s no getting out of it. No matter how good you are.”
“Well, that sucks,” she grumbled. “What will my good girl reward be, though?”
“Hmm, well, I thought it might consist of my mouth on your pussy making you come until you scream at me to stop. But if that’s not something you’re interested in . . .”
“It is! It is!” She practically jumped up and down on his lap until he grasped hold of her hips.
“Oomph,” he said. “Let’s try not to hit my balls today, yeah?”
“Oh, sorry, Papa.”
Okay, that slid out surprisingly easy. And she really liked the way it sounded.
“It’s all right. I can tell you’re excited by the idea of me eating you out.”
Oh Lord.
Her cheeks had to be so red. She was certain of it. Maya let out a deep breath. “I don’t know, Papa. Are you any good at it?”
“Well, the French are excellent at kissing. And I’m not just talking about kisses on these lips.” He touched her mouth.
Darn it.
He was an expert at this. Much more experienced than her.
“I’m not.”
He raised his eyebrows in question and she realized what she’d just said. “I meant, I’m not necessarily good at . . . at sex. I don’t have a lot of experience. And the sex I did have was kind of underwhelming if I’m honest.”
“You don’t have to worry about any of that. I like that you don’t have much experience. It means that I can teach you what I like. And trust me, you’ll like it too.”
Yeah, he didn’t need to convince her of that. She already liked everything that he did to her.
And she felt ready for more. For him to roll her onto the bed and take her.
“First, we need to make sure that everyone is settled and unpacked.”
She wanted to argue, but she knew he was right and she already felt guilty for being in here when her babies might be feeling anxious.
“And then, second, we’ll deal with your punishment. Ink made certain to tell me that this room is soundproof so we’ll take care of it in here. We don’t want to upset any of your babies with your cries.”
With her . . . with her what?
“My cries?”
“Yes. You’re being spanked, remember? I’m guessing you might make some noises and Tank, in particular, might get upset. So it’s best we take care of that in here.” He set her on her feet and stood.
She gaped after him as he moved to the door.
“Come on, Spitfire. Time to unpack.”
“You’re really going to spank me?” She didn’t know why she asked that. He’d said it and he wasn’t a person who said things he didn’t mean.
She guessed she just needed to make sure that was really going to happen.
He stared at her thoughtfully. “I’m being a bad Dominant, aren’t I?”
“Umm.” She wouldn’t know. She’d never been with a Dom before.
“I should be sitting you down and going through your limits with you. Is spanking a hard limit?”
“W-what?”
“A hard limit,” he repeated. “Something you absolutely do not want. You know what? I saw a pad and paper in the living room. You can sit down and write out your limits for me while I unpack.”
He walked back and grasped hold of her hand, leading her out of the room. To her surprise, Tank, Big Berry and Dougie were sitting in the hallway, waiting.
Oh no.
Now, she felt bad.
“Sorry, babies. Are you all right?” She gave each of them scratches. She was actually shocked that Tank hadn’t retreated into the bedroom where she’d set up his bed. They walked past it, but he didn’t head in there.
She might think he was feeling anxious and was sticking near her as his constant, but she got the feeling that it was something else. His tail and ears weren’t down and he wasn’t slinking around.
He almost seemed like he was full of purpose.
As they walked into the living room, she saw Gummy at the door. Princess Priss meowed at them from the back of the sofa.
Matthieu stopped to pat her and she preened under his attention. Yeah, that cat had decided that Matthieu was her favorite person now and the thing was that Maya couldn’t even blame her.
He was her favorite person too.
As she sat, Gummy rushed at her, barking several times.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked as the dog moved to the door and barked again. “Oh, maybe she wants out.”
“She just went out, but I’ll take her again,” Matthieu said. “I need to come up with some sort of fence so we can let them out on their own.”
He grabbed a lead and took Gummy outside. Dougie decided to follow, and he put him on a lead too.
Tank settled next to her feet while Big Berry sat on her other side. They were flanking her.
Guarding her?
Wow. Was this what Tank had needed to bring him out of his sadness? A purpose? A reason?
If one good thing came out of what that asshole Vince had done . . . it was this. The fact that Tank had a reason to interact with them, to come out of his room.
To live.
Reaching over, she scratched them both as Matthieu returned.
“She didn’t do anything. If I had to hazard a guess, I think she’s looking for the chickens.”
Oh shoot.
“Maybe I should have left her with Millie. I didn’t even think about the fact that she’d miss Princess Lay-er and the others. I’m so sorry, Gummy.”
Gummy let out a soft bark and sat with a sigh.
“She’ll be all right,” Matthieu reassured her as he grabbed her a pad and pen. “Here, limits. Things you don’t want. And think about a safe word and also, anything that your Little might want or need. A Little Wishlist.”
Right.
He wasn’t asking for much, just for her to dive into her deepest wishes and desires.
Nope. Not much at all.