Chapter 11 #3
A choice stood before me. Go to my room and ignore her the rest of the day or deal with her because seeing her nervous about the storm scraped at that side of me that still wanted to protect her. To soothe away all her troubles.
Ridiculous, Hudson. You hate this woman, and she’ll be gone in days.
The thought stalled as an unexpected jolt of discomfort shot through my chest.
“Come on,” I said with a sigh. “I’ll put a movie on.”
And sit ridiculously far from you.
“A movie?”
“Yeah, I have a handful you can choose from. The Wi-Fi and cable will likely go out soon. It’s a given with storms like these. The infrastructure is flimsy this far from the city.”
I heard the patter of her feet as she followed me into the living room. The leather couch creaked when she sat. Grabbing a handful of DVDs, I handed them to her. Strands of auburn hair slipped forward as she studied each one, her bottom lip sucked between her teeth.
“I don’t know any of these,” she said, handing them back to me just as the power flicked back on. The generator was sufficient to keep us lit for two days. I was hoping the storm would be over by then.
“You don’t know any of them?” They weren’t old movies. I tried to keep up with current releases, adding to my stash when I really enjoyed one. I’d only brought the newer ones over to her.
“I don’t go to the movies.” A simple statement said with a scratch to her ear and averted eyes.
“But surely you stream movies? Binge-watch them?” She stared at me, eyes wide and skittish like a newborn colt. “Movie marathons?”
Still the stare, but this time with a drawn-out head shake.
I sat next to her, defeated with my attempts to understand a woman I’d once known every intimate detail of.
Hell, I still knew those details—every birthmark, every freckle, every place that deepened her moans.
I clutched the movies, only then noticing how close we were, our thighs touching.
She turned her face up to me, her lips parting, and my eyes followed their movement.
It would be so simple to drop the movies and sink my fingers into her hair, pull her face to mine and kiss her.
Simple yet dangerous. A move that would unravel years of blockades I had built around my heart and leave me defenseless to the inevitable.
The moment she would leave me again. It had taken me years to lock my heart away, and I didn't know if I had the strength to do it again. Not if she was the one who unlocked it.
I turned from her, staring at the DVDs and breaking contact. A whoosh of air flooded my lungs, and I ran a hand over my face, trying to free myself of the inclination that had almost broken me.
“I don’t watch movies,” she said.
“Never?” I asked, not looking at her.
“No.”
Curt and final, with no explanation. We had gone to the movies many times over the four years we’d dated, yet she hadn’t since.
Her life was so different now. She was so different.
I looked over at her, observing her as she fidgeted with some unseen thing on her jeans.
Maybe she’d only been different with me, and without me she’d become what I had shielded her from.
The realization struck me like the lightning that streaked across the sky.
“You pick,” she said, her voice steadier with a demand to it like she was fighting her way back to the iciness to cover a weakness.
“Fine,” I snapped, my mood strangely dictated by hers. It was like a seesaw that teetered precariously between two extremes.
I chose an action movie, thinking it safe to stay away from anything with emotion or a romantic plot.
Not that I had romances, but I wasn’t about to add even the remotest suggestion of one.
When I returned to the couch, I took the other end, far from her.
I should have chosen the recliner, but it was too close to where she was sitting, and I needed distance.
By the time the movie ended, the storm was battering at the house, and Olivia was sound asleep.
I turned off the television, grabbed the blanket, and covered her.
For as much as she’d been sleeping the last two days, I had to question if she ever slept at home…
and what it was that kept her up at night.
Against my better judgment, I moved a curl from her face and tucked it behind her ear.
My heart twisted, more of its bindings crumbling as I took her in.
Sleep made her guard lower, her face peaceful, her breathing calm, and I wanted to keep her like this.
Without whatever strain burdened her bones and kept her from smiling.
From laughing. That instinct reared deep in my core to keep her here and not let her return to the city.
Whatever was there, whatever she had left me for, had done this to her.
Changed her so that my Olivia was merely a fragment of what she had once been. A glimmer below the facade.
Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I left her there, intent on checking on the horses.
Certain the storm was spooking them. I didn’t really want to go out into the storm, but given the storm brewing in my chest, I needed to remove myself from the vicinity, knowing if I stayed, my walls would only crumble further.