Chapter 13
Hudson
There was no explanation for what I was doing.
For why Olivia was sleeping soundly, curled up with her head in my lap.
I kept my hands from her, resting my arms on the back of the couch, even though my fingers twitched to touch her.
Now that she was asleep, I dropped my hand to her hair, letting my fingers drape over the damp strands.
Something had shattered in me the moment she had slipped, and the water had taken her from me.
Fear had coiled in my chest, squeezing it so tight that my scream had come out broken.
The water hadn’t been that deep, but the ground was soaked and muddy, the stream flowing through the front of the yard, eroding the grass and leaving a slick slide that took her away.
She wouldn’t have drowned, there wasn’t enough water, but she could have been seriously hurt.
I slid my hand over her shoulder, closing my eyes to the sensation of holding her again.
The glint of possibility shone too brightly in my mind, and I laid my head back, hating that it was there, and how her presence stirred the emotions that still lived in the recesses of my heart, something I didn’t want to acknowledge.
Flicking off the television, I looked down at her.
Relaxed and peaceful. I shifted, sliding from under her and gently lowered her head.
She still wore my robe, a gift from my brother years ago that I’d never used, leaving it tucked in the back of my closet.
No one had worn it until now, and I knew no one ever would, even after she left, because her scent was on it, and I was certain I wouldn’t want to remove it or have another woman taint it.
Like I could watch Olivia return to New York and turn to another after this.
It had taken me years to move on, and even then, I never fully had. This time, I didn’t think I ever would.
I gathered her in my arms, lifting her from the sofa.
The robe slipped, exposing the top of her breast, and I tore my eyes from it, my body reacting impulsively to the knowledge that she wore nothing below it.
She murmured and snuggled into my chest, and I stood there, savoring the act of holding her.
Of being something to her again, the shelter in whatever storm she lived in, the safety that allowed her to relax, that lifted the strain that kept her from sleeping at home.
Walking from the room, I considered that maybe her trouble with sleep was the same that I struggled with. Nights of regrets, of missing something that could never be, of the resounding hollowness where she had taken a part of me that would always be hers.
I carried her up the stairs, breathing in the scent of jasmine and sensing more of my barriers crumbling.
I wasn’t so sure any would remain when she finally returned home.
Stepping into the spare room, I cursed the suitcase and clothes on the bed.
There was no way I could lay her down without waking her. Too much stuff cluttered her bed.
“Damn,” I muttered, contemplating my choices.
With a sigh, I walked her to my room, lowered her onto the bed, and pulled a blanket from my closet to cover her.
She didn’t wake, even as I tucked the blanket around her.
Smoothing her hair from her face, I took a moment to admire her.
The freckles that graced her cheeks, the lush lips parted and perfect for kissing, the thick lashes that surrounded her eyes.
She curled further into my pillow, and I doubted I would wash the case anytime soon.
Inhaling, I turned and left her to sleep, making my way back to the living room and getting comfortable in the recliner.
Sleep took me faster than it normally did, even with the noise of the storm, and I didn’t have to question that it was the tempting, beautiful woman from my past sleeping in my bed who made it easier this time.
Olivia was still sleeping when I slipped into the room to grab clean clothes.
I showered and returned downstairs, sipping my coffee as I convinced myself to brave the storm and check on the horses.
The front of the house looked like a swamp.
The steady flow of water streaming from the mountains left a distinct path through the ranch and down past the barn into the field beyond.
Thankfully, it hadn’t hit the gravel driveway, or Olivia would have been banged up even more.
“Good morning.” I turned at the quiet greeting, seeing Olivia coming into the kitchen, still wrapped in my robe. She had combed her hair, and her face shone as if she had just washed it. I hadn’t heard her upstairs, too lost in my thoughts to notice.
“Morning,” I said, pulling a coffee cup from the cabinet and pushing it toward her. “How are you feeling?”
The bruise on her cheek had darkened, and I imagined it had to be sore to touch.
“Like I got into a fight with a bathtub.”
I snorted, lowering my coffee so it wouldn’t spill.
“Thank you,” she said, still standing in the same spot. Her eyes dropped, an awkward silence hanging between us.
“Well, I couldn’t very well let you drown.”
“I’m sure you wanted to.”
I tilted my head, trying to figure her out. She seemed different.
“Eh,” I said with a shrug. “I considered it for a second.”
She nodded, coming over to the island and taking the coffee cup. I turned and leaned on the island while I watched her put a pod in the coffeemaker. She kept her focus on the coffee as it filled her cup.
“I know you hate me,” she said, pain lacing her voice.
“I don’t hate you.” I had, but the emotion had always twisted with the love I couldn’t remove.
The coffee flow stopped, yet she didn’t turn. With her back to me, the uncertainty in the air, the emotion that charged it, the one memory that hurt the most, that destroyed me every time it returned, came barreling into me.
I gaped at Olivia, trying to comprehend why she was so upset.
“It’s your graduation. I’m going. I don’t care if you don’t have enough tickets. I’ll stand outside the field house and bellow my cheers for you when I hear your name called.” I pulled her to me, but she fought me and tumbled from my arms. “Olivia, what is this really about?”
“You can’t be there, and no, they won’t let you do that. Don’t be ridiculous.” Her lips thinned, a flash of agony streaking through her eyes. “It’s a stupid idea. Just like everything you do.”
I reeled back. Her words were making no sense, and the anger in them was unwarranted.
All I wanted to do was be at her graduation the following week.
To celebrate her achievement. I pinched my brow, thinking of the ring in my pocket, the plans I had for today that she was ruining by getting so upset about such a small thing.
“Fine, we’ll celebrate after.”
“No.” She crossed her arms, a look of determination coming over her features. “We won’t. I have dinner with my father and brother.”
“Good, then I can finally see your family again.”
A look of sheer horror morphed her expression. “No,” she barked. “You won’t. God, you’re so demanding.”
“Demanding?” I stepped back, her tone so vicious I almost didn’t recognize her. “I’m not demanding. I’m simply asking to be there for an event that I want to celebrate with you.”
“It’s demanding. I don’t need you telling me what to do—”
“I’m not telling you what to do.”
“You always are. Barking orders, giving out commands you expect me to answer to. Like this.”
I stared at her, thinking of how her body shuddered every time she thought I turned demanding.
“What the hell is wrong with you today?”
She pushed her hair behind her ear. “I’m sick of it.” Her voice cracked, and a sudden sense of foreboding overtook me. A prickling that reminded me of an out-of-control car barreling toward a brick wall. “I’m sick of you.”
Gutted. Those words had left me gutted, and I took a step away from her, the ring in my pocket suddenly as heavy as bricks that were crumbling to bits.
“Me? Do you hear yourself, Olivia?”
“Don’t call me that,” she hissed.
I bristled, my defenses going up. “What is it you want?”
“To be away from you and your demands. I can’t take this anymore.”
“You’re breaking up with me?” My world was spinning.
She’d been slowly pulling away from me, but I’d chalked it up to nerves about graduation.
Sleeping in her dorm more, giving me excuses about having too much studying to see me.
But never had I imagined this would happen.
My mood shifted, and I narrowed my gaze at her. “Are you seeing someone else?”
Her pure look of shock should have been a relief, but the situation was too tenuous.
“No, I’m not seeing someone else.”
“And my other question?” I folded my arms, bracing myself as the slivers of my future sank like piercing daggers gouging into my skin.
“Yes.” The word hung in the space between us. Pain lanced my chest, my insides curdling, my lungs refusing to work.
“I don’t want you at my graduation.” Another crack in her voice, her eyes shimmering with tears that wouldn’t fall. “And I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
She walked past me, but I didn’t move, too stunned to. Too hobbled by her words. I could have chased after her, but as the door slammed behind her, I couldn’t bring myself to. Instead, I found my way to my couch, where I fell apart.
“Why did you leave me?” I asked Olivia, recoiling from the memory. The sting of pain still fresh.
She whirled around, shock turning to iciness, the mask sliding into place.
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Tell me the truth because it was a stupid argument about your graduation that suddenly blew up to you leaving. With no explanation, no warning.”
“I’m not going back to that time, and neither should you.”
“I’m not going back to it because I never left it.” The words were out in a rush I couldn't take back.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, her voice a raw whisper.
I closed the distance between us, towering over her. “It matters to me.”
“Just drop it, Hudson.”
She pushed past me, setting her coffee on the island.
“God, you’re such a bitch,” I snapped. “Cold and cruel. I don’t know what happened to make you this way, but that’s what you are.
That’s what you were the day you left, and it hasn’t changed.
No wonder you’re still alone. Up there in your fancy hotel, with your meaningless affairs and designer clothes.
You deserve everything you have, Olivia.
” I couldn't stop myself. The insults flowed from me, my frustration with her, with the situation, with the emotions she stirred in me fueling them. “I’m going to check on the horses.”
I stomped over to my boots, tugging them on and grabbing my hat and jacket. “When the rain stops, you can stay with Russ and Bridget until your brother fetches you. Tell him the deal is off. I’ll give him all the money back and sell the ranch to the neighbors. Dealing with you isn’t worth it.”
I pulled my coat on, my hand on the doorknob when I heard, “I didn’t want to leave you.”
I froze, my hand gripping the knob.
“I didn’t want to leave.” There it was again, but this time each syllable was a fractured breath so painful that I turned around to look at her.
She seemed so broken, and no matter how angry I was at her, I only wanted to pull her into my arms and comfort her.
It took all my will to stand there, to wait for the words I’d wanted to hear for fifteen years and the ones I suspected would change me forever.