Chapter 21
Liv
The country yellow quilt on the bed didn’t bother me as I cleared the last of my things from it. I’d asked Hudson for a few minutes alone when we’d returned, and he had swept me into his arms and carried me to his spare room.
“You don’t have to carry me everywhere,” I’d said, slapping his chest.
“If it makes you smile, I’m doing it.” He’d kissed my cheek and jogged back down the stairs, leaving me there to shake my head and consider why my mind was a sludge of thoughts and confusion.
The confidence I had earlier had fled, an uncomfortable sensation taking its place.
Hudson was right. I’d been trying to please him by being something I wasn’t.
As I hung my clothes in the small closet, smoothing my fingers over the silk and satin, the hand-stitched seams, the leather tips of my heels, that confidence returned.
This was who I was. Someone who loved the finer things and reveled in her power.
But I was also the parts that Hudson had brought out.
The woman who loved to experience the wind on her face, racing across the open land on horseback, sketching as the sun settled behind the mountains.
Two sides of the same woman. I’d tried hiding them from each other, leaving the perfect daughter behind when I’d been at school, leaving the wild spirit behind when I’d returned to my father’s side.
But I’d never let them live in harmony. Maybe that was the key.
Admitting that there were imperfections, that my mask was only a shield to keep myself divided from the parts of myself I didn’t like.
The parts that reminded me of what I’d lost. Of Hudson.
A rap on the door had me swiveling to see it opening.
Hudson stood in the doorway, his back against the doorframe.
It occurred to me that I may have sifted through the clothes, putting aside the ones that pushed my comfort too much, but I’d left them all in this room.
Like I needed a divide between us and what awaited me.
A line that delineated the due date that hung over us.
Hudson’s brow raised, his lips lifting in a smirk that had me squeezing my legs. “Those aren’t pajamas. Those are temptation.”
I glanced down at the set I was wearing: short black silk bottoms paired with a matching silk tank that hung loose on my frame.
I’d been planning to throw a wrap over it, but from the way Hudson’s eyes were devouring me, I suspected nothing was covering my exposed skin but him.
A shudder passed through me, and that smirk grew.
“Come on, I made dinner and I’ve got one of those boring movies ready for us.”
“Great. If you wanted to put me to sleep, you could have just sent me upstairs with a glass of wine.”
“Trust me, you won’t be sleeping because I don’t plan on paying that movie any attention.”
A laugh fluttered from me, and I thought of how little I’d laughed since I’d cut him from my life. It felt good, and I didn’t think I wanted to go without laughing again.
“I’ll be down in a minute.”
His hand laced over the doorframe, and he leaned into the room, his shirt pulling from his pants and exposing his sexy abs. He was yummy, and I thought maybe dinner could wait.
“Don’t put anything over that outfit, Olivia. It won’t be on long enough, anyway.”
“You’re naughty.”
“Yup, but I’m your naughty.”
I tilted my head, studying him and getting lost in those rich chestnut eyes. “Yes, you are, aren’t you?”
“Damn right I am. Get your ass downstairs before I lose my patience and drag you down caveman style.”
“Brute,” I mumbled as he left the room.
I took a minute to pull my hair up into one of those messy buns Tori liked to wear, thinking it didn’t look half bad before I made my way downstairs.
The kitchen smelled like pizza, and I leaned on the island as I watched Hudson slice a thin-crust pepperoni pizza.
A bottle of beer and a glass of red wine stood to the side.
“Boxed wine, frozen pizza, and pepperoni? You’re out to kill me, aren’t you?”
“No way. All the preservatives in these will make you live longer.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” I teased, reaching for the wine. I swirled it, letting it breathe before sniffing it. His hands stopped their movement, his eyes fixing on me. “You’re really making me do this?”
He said nothing, his gaze focused like a cat ready to attack its prey.
“Fine,” I huffed before taking a sip of the wine. “Oh, that’s not bad.” I swiped my tongue over my teeth, letting the taste linger.
“Good, and it’s not boxed.” He nodded to the counter where a bottle of merlot sat with the corkscrew next to it. “I may have moved to the country, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten all my roots.”
“So you don’t drink boxed wine?”
He took two plates from the cabinet and returned to the island as I picked up the bottle to study it. Expensive brand and aged.
“Tried it just because I knew it would piss my mother off if she even imagined me doing it, but that was the end of my affair with boxed wine. My brother sends me a few bottles of the good stuff for Christmas every year.”
I glanced up from the bottle. “He really loves you, doesn’t he?”
Hand palming the back of his hair, he peeked over at me. “Yeah. But so does your brother.”
“Ha, he sent me to Montana and stranded me with an ex who very well could have killed me and hidden the body in one of his fields.”
“I doubt he would have sent you if he thought that. Besides,” he said, gathering the plates, “I’m not the killing type.” He walked through the kitchen and into the living room. “I would have made you suffer, but killing is just too messy.”
When I didn’t respond, he looked my way, chuckling. “Come on, I’ve got the perfect movie to bore you to death.”
I squinted at him. “So, you are trying to kill me.”
“Nah, I need you alive and kicking when I rip those flimsy pajamas off you later.”
“These aren’t flimsy. They’re silk and very expensive.”
He sat on the couch, patting the seat next to him. “I bet, but that’s not what anyone would call pajamas. Next time we go into town, I’m going to get you a real pair. Maybe with kittens all over them.”
I sat next to him, folding a leg under me. “Please don’t. Tori made me where snowman ones at Christmas, and I wanted to puke.”
His laugh bellowed through the room. “Did she get pictures?”
Elbowing him, I went to reach my wine from where I’d placed it on the coffee table. He caught me and pulled me further into his side, and kissed my head. I rested my hand on his chest and peered up at him. His irises were a rich shade of chocolate that I could lose myself in.
“I missed this,” I said, my voice barely a whisper, the words not completely encompassing the lonely nights and shallow days. The mere act of living that had been nothing more than a task to be completed.
Fingers caressing my cheek, he said, “I missed us.”
Ache and yearning tinged the words, and I pushed up on my knees, resting my hands on his chest. So much passed between our eyes, emotion that solidified the words we’d exchanged, the love that had bloomed again yet was still fragile.
And it was that fragility that terrified me.
Getting over Hudson had taken…well, forever because I never had.
Only well-fortified walls and a mask of ice had given me the strength to continue through my days.
The thought of going through that again terrified me, and with that fear, the fragments of the mask gathered, readying for the day I would need it again.
I wasn’t so certain it would be enough this time.
“Olivia,” he said, and I blinked, seeing creases around his eyes. “You’re in your head again.”
“I know.” I looked down at his shirt, picking at the collar. “I’m not sure I can leave it.”
My voice shook as the double meaning in those words took shape. He released a ragged sigh and rested his head against mine. “Leave it for now. The pizza’s getting cold, and my beer is getting warm.”
“And you hate warm beer,” I said, turning my cheek and leaning it against his chest.
“Damn right I do.” He reached over and grabbed the blanket from the end of the couch and threw it over me before shifting so I was more comfortable. With a flick of the remote, he pulled up the movie. “Ready for some World War II history?”
“Can’t I go to DC to get that?”
He looked down at me. “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that. What are they teaching you in the big city?”
I smiled and curled further into him, thinking of all I’d learned in the city: how to be cold and aloof, distant and cruel. None of it had to do with any history but that of my family.
“You always were a big history nerd. Should have guessed that hadn’t changed,” I teased.
“I’m gonna turn you into one, you just wait and see.”
“Didn’t work last time.”
His hand smoothed down my back. “No, it didn’t, but you didn’t give me enough time.”
The movie started, and I let his comment linger in the silence. Time had been my enemy back then, and now it sat poised to attack again. If I let it.
My eyes scanned the figures Tori had sent in response to my proposal. Solid figures that gave breath to my ideas for the ranch. I picked my phone up from the table and shot Gabe a text.
Liv: These numbers look good.
It took a few minutes for him to respond with, Why are you up so early? Isn’t it only eight there?
Sending him a rolling-eye emoji, I typed, Cowboys get up early.
I could almost hear him laughing as he typed his next line. Beating him to it, I added, I put together a list of potential buyers.
His dots faded before I read, Send it to me. You’re more in tune with those people than I am, so I’m sure it’s a solid list.
Liv: That’s because you’re antisocial.
Gabe: Not anymore. If Tori drags me to another charity event, I’m going to sell all her dresses.
Liv: Stop.
Gabe: You know I hate those things.
Liv: But you get to see Tori all dressed up.
Gabe: True. Those cocktail dresses with the heels are sexy.
Liv: Gross. Where is she?
Gabe: Running a meeting on the financials with the hotel managers.