Chapter 25 #2
I rubbed my arms, hearing the waves crash against the surf as I stood in the living room, waiting for them to take her body.
An officer had questioned us, but it was obvious what had happened.
What my baby brother had stumbled into. I chomped down on the inside of my cheek.
Had she even thought about him? In her attempt for freedom, had she even considered he might be the one to find her?
The front door slammed open, stopping my anger, and my father stalked in. There were no hugs, no shared tears, no words. He walked right past us and up the stairs. His voice remained even, professional, that of a man who held status and power and didn’t let emotions interfere.
When the interlopers left, carrying my mother’s body with them, he shut the door and turned on us.
I wanted to scream at him, to plea for him to show some sign that this had devastated him like it had us, but his expression was frigid.
His emotions hidden behind whatever walls he had up, the same we had emulated and perfected over the years.
“Why didn’t you call me first?” he said, and I flinched at the accusation in his tone.
Gabe cleared his throat. “I didn’t know what to do. I called Liv first.”
My father stormed over to where he sat on the couch, his hand meeting the tender flesh of my brother’s cheek. I flinched, hiding my reaction quickly before it caused repercussions. Gabe stared at him with cold eyes.
“You call me. Only me. Clean up and wash those tear stains from your cheeks. Men don’t cry.”
He cast a glance at me, anger etched around his eyes, but there was something else shadowed behind it. I didn’t care to search for what it was. Not after he’d hit my brother again, and I braced myself for what was next.
“And you. Did you call the police?”
“I called 911 because my mother was dead on the bathroom floor.”
A tick in his jaw told me my tone had been too sharp.
“You call me. Now I have to deal with the cleanup before this news gets out. You both let emotion cloud your judgment. I expect that kind of sloppiness from you.” I stood taller, keeping myself from showing any reaction. “But you, William, know better.”
He stomped away, complaining about the calls he’d have to make and the mess we’d made for him.
I wasn’t sure who the we was. If it included Mama or just me and Gabe.
I turned my sight from his stalking form and met Gabe’s eyes.
The emotions that battled within them hurt almost as much as this day had.
“Go before he comes back,” I said. He stood, and I saw the shake in his hands as he clenched them.
The imprint of my father’s anger still stained his cheek.
Hate burned in his eyes. Something passed between us, an acknowledgment, a moment where everything changed.
It was formulating in his mind, and I would wait for him to voice it, even if I already sensed it.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, stepping closer to me, and for a second, I thought he might hug me, like when we were younger. I longed for the closeness, the comfort, but it never came. He walked away, his shoulders turned down.
That night, I sat in my room, my back to the wall, my knees drawn to my chest, numbness in my limbs as I called Hudson.
“Hey.” He sounded so happy I wanted to capture it and let it soak into my spirit and remove the anguish that swirled in my body like a helix lined with daggers.
“Hey.”
“What’s wrong?” His tone changed instantly because, out of everyone, Hudson was tuned to my emotions.
“My mother died.” Giving voice to it dug those daggers further in.
“Shit, Olivia—”
“It was an undetected heart issue.” The lie our father had given us earlier after talking to his attorneys. Hudson hadn’t asked for it, but I didn’t want to hear him tell me how sorry he was. He hadn’t killed my mother. She’d done it to herself, but my father had driven her to it.
“I’ll pack and be there by morning.”
God, he was too good for me. My safety. I wanted him here so I could curl into his chest and have him take the pain away. To pretend it hadn’t happened and let him carry the burden for me. But I couldn’t. This was my burden to bear, as was everything I hadn’t told him.
“No, don’t. My father…” What? Was a cold, heartless asshole? “…is too distraught.” I almost laughed as I said it, but laughter seemed an impossible thing, and I suspected it was something I would no longer have. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“I’m here, Olivia. Whatever you need from me, it’s yours.”
Take me away. I don’t want to be here.
“Can you just talk to me? Tell me what you did today.”
“I missed you all day.”
“That’s all?”
“It’s been four days. I hate these breaks when I can’t see you.”
“I know,” I answered, rolling over and pressing my cheek to the carpet. “What else did you do? Did you go to the farm?”
“I did. Worked all day. There’s a new colt…
” He went on to tell me about the colt and the farm and anything that didn’t have to do with my mother’s death.
His voice warmed the chill in my room. He talked until I could no longer keep my eyes open, and when I woke, he was still on the other end, sleeping with me.
A safety net even when he couldn’t be there with me.
My pen stopped, the memory still vivid in my mind as I stared at the pages I had written.
Not an inventory of the day like the ones that had played in my head, but the detailing of emotions I had buried, forcing them to the recesses of my being and not acknowledging them.
And with them, the power of Hudson’s presence that traversed the distance that separated us.
I continued to write, purging the memories and releasing the emotions that I’d stored, as if setting them free would leave me nothing but ash.
By the time night fell, I had filled half the journal, and my fingers were stiff.
I curled over on the couch, just like I had that night on the phone with Hudson, but this time with the journal clutched to my chest and regret thrumming through me.
The echo of my heels on the marble floor usually gave me satisfaction, but today it sounded hollow.
“Good morning, Ms. Icinda,” the morning guard greeted me.
I almost smiled and returned the greeting, but I wasn’t in Valley Knoll anymore, so I gritted my teeth and walked past him because that’s what he expected. It’s what I’d done every day since I'd moved home from school to work for my father. Icy disassociation.
As I swiped my keycard to activate the upper levels in the elevator, I realized those things were now more difficult than they had been.
Paula greeted me when I stepped onto the floor, telling me my messages were on my desk.
I gave her a curt nod, the most I’d ever done, the urge to thank her pushing for release.
A week in small-town USA had broken me, and I didn’t know how to get back to the indifferent bitch I’d been. Or if I wanted to.
It took Gabe only five minutes before he was standing in my office with Tori by his side.
“Welcome home,” she blurted as if we were best friends.
I gave her one of my normal disappointed looks, but she ignored it, her smile continuing.
“I brought you cat socks,” I muttered, before chastising myself for conversing with her. At least the tone had been bored.
“Thanks, Liv.”
I grunted a reply and took them from my bag, but seeing them brought a pang of pain, a burning in my chest, and I stopped with them midair. God, how I hated these socks, but loved them at the same time.
“I’ll get them later,” she said, and I looked up to see her exchange a glance with Gabe. “I have to prep for my ten thirty. It’s nice to have you back, Liv.”
“Yeah,” I replied as she left the office and shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with my brother, whose keen eyes saw straight into me.
He walked closer, and I held my head higher as I returned the socks to the bag, knowing he could see the fight to hold on to my strength. It hadn’t faltered in decades, but he would be the one to spot it when it did.
“Why are you back?”
“Because I live here and I have a job.”
His lips thinned, and he crossed his arms. “A job you can do in Montana.”
“And why would I do that?” I dropped my eyes to study my nails, wondering why I’d chosen pink this time. My nail tech had nearly fallen from her chair when I picked it.
“Liv.”