Chapter 3 #2
She remembered the spit that flecked her cheeks when he shouted in her face. She recalled the burning pain in her scalp when he yanked her forward by her hair. And worst of all, she remembered Mia shaking with sobs as she witnessed her father’s terrifying rage.
Laurie opened her eyes and signed, No.
“No?” Chris shouted. “Just no?”
She swallowed her fear and stood her ground.
“You can’t just–” He paused and made a visible effort to calm himself. “How long are you going to drag this out?”
“I’m not going back to you. I’m done.”
He started up the steps, and she took an involuntary step back.
“What’s wrong with you?” he shouted.
Her hands moved without thinking: You frighten me.
A look of horror overtook his face. Self loathing, even.
So he did still remember some ASL. Enough to understand what she had said, anyway.
He took a step back.
For a moment, they just looked at each other.
Laurie’s kept her expression neutral, but her heart raced with a fear so intense that it made her arteries ache.
“Can I see my daughter, at least?” He took on a miserable, hangdog expression. It was blatant manipulation, and she wanted to say no. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t deny him access to their daughter without risking everything when they finally went in front of a judge.
And so she nodded. And stepped back. And opened the door.
The cousins were crowded around the coffee table, playing a board game.
“Mia?” she called softly. “Your dad’s here.”
Her daughter’s brown eyes went wide behind her glasses, and she walked reluctantly towards the front door. When she stepped out onto the lanai, she immediately glued herself to Laurie’s side with two arms around her waist.
“Hey there, kiddo!” Chris’s smile was bright.
Mia waved hesitantly.
“I missed you! What do you say we get some shave ice?”
Laurie’s blood pressure jumped again, and she craned her neck to see Mia’s response.
“Do I have to?”
Irritation twitched beneath his smile. “Don’t you want to?”
“We’re playing Mouse Trap right now.” Mia’s voice was too quiet for Laurie to hear. Even her signs were small and hesitant.
“Right. Okay.” Chris stepped back. “Can I at least have a hug goodbye?”
Slowly, Mia unglued herself from Laurie’s side. She moved woodenly down the front steps and allowed her father to embrace her. He hugged her so tight that her feet left the ground.
The moment he released her, she raced back up the steps and into the house.
He met Laurie’s eyes and opened his mouth to say something. But then he turned around, climbed into his van, and drove away.
As soon as he was out of sight, Laurie stumbled backwards and sank into a chair.
Her big sisters filed out one by one, surrounding her with support. Halia stood nearby, stoic and protective. Anne sat beside her and took her hand. Oakley stationed herself at the top of the steps with her arms crossed and glared out at the road.
“She should get a restraining order,” Oakley said after a while. She signed the words with sharp, angry movements.
“That’s a dangerous thing to do,” Halia said slowly.
Like their mother, she signed the words that she knew.
“They don’t provide much protection, not really.
And if he responds in kind, then Mia would be forced into foster care for the months that it takes to get in front of a judge.
Laurie would only be allowed supervised visitation. ”
Laurie’s breath caught on her ribs, and her vision went dark at the edges.
“You’re scaring her,” Anne said and signed.
“It’s important to be aware of the risks; we want a peaceful resolution.”
“With that piece of–” Oakley started.
Stop. Anne cut her off with a firm sign, and then she knelt in front of Laurie. “It’s okay. You’re safe. Everything is going to be okay.”
“We’ll keep her safe,” Halia said and signed, looking at Oakley.
OK. Great. Oakley’s signs were exaggerated, even sarcastic. She sighed and said, “I need a walk.”
“Typical Oakley,” Anne said with a strained smile as their sister walked away. “She’s more upset about your situation than you are.”
Not more upset, Laurie signed slowly. Suddenly she felt exhausted. Just more expressive.
Anne squeezed her shoulder. “I’m going to check on the kids.”
She left, and Halia sat down in the chair beside Laurie.
“When you’re ready, I can give you one of the packets that we’ve made for the women who come to A Place of Refuge.”
Laurie winced, embarrassed to find herself in the same situation as the women at Halia’s shelter. Then immediately, she felt ashamed of her embarrassment. What did she think, that a PhD in Literature would protect her from domestic violence?
Did she think that she was better than them?
Better than her own mother?
Obviously she wasn’t.
She gritted her teeth and refocused on Halia.
“You don’t need a lawyer,” her sister continued. “Not unless things get really ugly. And we’ll do everything that we can to try and make sure that doesn’t happen. I’ll help you.”
Thank you, she signed.
“We’re here for you. All of us.”
“I know. And I’m grateful.”
“It may get worse before it gets better. But it will get better. You’ll get through this.”
Laurie nodded. Her analytical mind knew that Halia was right, even if the rest of her wasn’t quite there yet. Her gut was full of dread, and her nervous system was shredded… but as she sat there on the lanai with her sister, her heart eventually slowed to its normal rhythm.
“One day at a time.” Halia held out her hand.
Laurie took her sister’s hand, and her fear collapsed into grief. She squeezed her eyes shut against the sudden rush of tears, but they escaped and fell down her cheeks. She opened her eyes and brushed them away, feeling foolish.
“It’s okay to cry,” said her very stoic sister.
“I’ve literally never seen you cry,” Laurie said, laughing through her tears.
Halia nodded, and her smile was sad. “Sometimes I wish I still could.”
Laurie looked at her oldest sister, thinking about all that she had been through and all that she carried. Somehow, she still showed up for every single one of them. She was their rock, even though she’d endured more trauma than anyone else in the family.
That small shift in focus pulled Laurie out of her spiral, and she scrubbed her cheeks dry.
“Let’s take the kids to the beach.”
Sure, Halia signed, smiling. OK.
Laurie stood and went to pack a beach bag.
All of her problems would still be there tomorrow.
For the moment, she would just try to enjoy the day.