12. Anne
Anne
“It’s time to talk about our next steps,” Anne told her kids. They were sitting on the floor around the coffee table, playing a card game and waiting out the midday sun.
“I want to stay here,” Pete said immediately. “I thought about taking Rikki on a plane, but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t believe me if I tell them that he’s a kitten. Maybe it would have worked as soon as we found him, but he’s too big now.”
“You are so weird,” Claire muttered. Pete ignored her.
“Anyway, I like it here! I like going to the beach and watching movies with Grandma and playing with my cousins.”
“Your cousins go back to school soon,” Anne told him. “Hayden and Harper go to school way up in Waimea, but Mia’s going to start at a homeschool co-op right here in Pualena. A friend of ours runs it out of the community center.”
“At the playground?!”
“Yeah, the place with a playground. They have two big rooms inside, too. It sounds like they do a lot of art and science experiments and stuff. Field trips too.”
“Can Rikki come?”
“No.”
“Aw.” Pete scooped the mongoose up into his arms and cuddled him for a moment.
“Rikki will be fine.”
“Okay,” he said on a sigh. “I guess I’ll try it. For Mia. Can we start the same day?”
“Yeah, that’s the idea. The co-op is on break too, but they start back in a couple of weeks. Mia’s already made friends with some of the kids. I’ll see if I can get you together with them too, before it starts.”
“Okay!” He jumped up. “I’m gonna go tell grandma.”
Claire sighed and leaned back against the couch, flicking through an endless scroll on her phone.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“Everyone back home is just moving on without me.”
“This is home now,” Anne said gently.
Weeks before, Claire would have resisted. Now she just nodded, looking morose.
“It’s time to find some friends here.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“I’ll ask around and see if there are any homeschool meetups for kids your age, or anything like that. I’m sorry. I should have done that sooner.”
“It’s fine. I know it’s been busy.”
“I’m never too busy for you. I hope you know that.”
“I know.”
“What do you think of the online programs we were looking at? Did you pick one that you want to try?”
“Not yet.”
“The ones with live classes start really soon. Let’s look through them together and pick one. You can try it for a month or so, and then if you don’t like it, we’ll reassess.”
Claire set her phone down on the table with a thunk.
“Can’t I just go to school here?”
Anne hesitated. “You could, yeah.”
“So why are you trying to make me do school online?”
“I’m not trying to make you. I’m just… offering it as an option.”
“But why?”
“Public school in Hawaii was… not a great experience for me. Or for your aunties.”
“That was like a million years ago.”
Anne took a slow breath in before responding. “Homeschooling would mean more time with me. More time outside. More time to do whatever you like.”
Claire was quiet for a while, shuffling and reshuffling the deck of cards.
“What if I spent the school year with Dad?” she asked eventually.
Pain and pity twisted through Anne’s chest.
“It’s not me choosing him over you,” Claire said, looking up. “I just… I miss my friends. I miss being able to walk around La Jolla. Grandma’s house is fine for a visit, but I never wanted to live here.”
“I know, sweetheart.”
“So… can I?”
“I don’t think that’s an option.”
“Why not?”
“Your dad…” Anne struggled to find words that weren’t doesn’t want you. “He’s not able to take care of you for the whole school year. He doesn’t have a place of his own.”
“Candy might let me stay,” she tried, referring to her dad’s new girlfriend.
Anne pressed her teeth together and didn’t say anything.
“Yeah, okay, I know.” Claire looked down, and her voice was so quiet that Anne could barely hear it above the shuffling of cards. “He doesn’t even respond to my text messages.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Doesn’t he have, like, rights and responsibilities?”
“He signed them away during the divorce,” Anne admitted. “I have full custody.”
“Oh.” Claire blinked rapidly, trying not to cry. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep you in La Jolla. I really tried. But in the end, I think that being here with our whole family–”
“Your whole family,” Claire interrupted.
“Right.” Anne tried to find the right words. “I think that being surrounded by family – your grandma and your aunties and your big sister – is the best thing for you, in the long run. You’ll make new friends. We’ll build a good life here.”
“I want to go to school.”
“Okay.” Anne pushed aside her own trauma. Maybe things had changed for the better in the past thirty years. “I get it. You’ll meet a bunch of kids your own age who live nearby. And if you decide later that you want to try something different, that’s okay too.”
Claire nodded, still not meeting her eyes.
“I know it’s not easy. Transitions are tough.”
“I’m gonna take a walk. Can I have money for shave ice?”
Anne hesitated. She didn’t like sending her daughter off alone in a new place.
But having the independence to walk all around town was one of the things that Claire missed most about California. And anyway, this was Pualena; there were aunties on every corner to watch out for her.
That hadn’t been enough to protect Zoe.
Anne wanted to say NO. She wanted to bubble-wrap her teenager and keep her close, at least for a few more years. But if she was too overprotective, Claire might actually move in with Colin and Candy. Or worse.
Giving her daughter just enough independence while still keeping her safe was such a difficult line to walk.
“Hello?” Claire was staring at her. “Earth to Mom.”
“Sure.” Anne stood and fished a twenty out of her pocket. “Would you pick up a bag of onions at the store, too? I need them for dinner.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Thank you.” She pulled her daughter in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you. And things will get easier. You’ll see.”
Claire nodded and then escaped through the front door.
Anne stood there chewing her lip, fretting over Claire’s first day of school. At least she was going to be a freshman; it would be the first day of high school for everyone her age.
Eventually she went into the kitchen and funneled her nervous energy into dinner prep.
Claire would be going to Kea?au High, which hadn’t even existed when Anne was a kid.
Hopefully it would be a positive experience.
And if not, at least she would be the easygoing mom who let her kid make a change instead of the weirdo who forced her to stay home.
She was so steeped in worry that she didn’t even notice Noah walk in through the front door. He was nearly next to her before she saw him, and she just about jumped out of her skin.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to pick Zoe up.” He tilted his head, watching her closely. “Are you okay?”
“Just worried about Claire.”
“I saw her on my way here. She was walking into town.”
“Yeah, she’s just going to get some shave ice.”
“So what’s the matter?”
“I offered to homeschool her, but she wants to go to public school to meet other kids.”
“And you’re worried she’ll have a hard time,” he guessed.
“You know what public school was like for me.”
“Not too bad, I hope, by the time you got to high school.”
She grinned and glanced away. “Yeah, well. She doesn’t have Noah Kapono on her side.”
“Sure she does.”
“It’s not the same when you’re not there.”
“The twins will look out for her. This will be their second year at the high school.”
Anne nodded, but her lips twisted uncertainly when she remembered Jayce’s black eye. She wasn’t entirely sure that she wanted Claire hanging out with him. But maybe Jasmine was alright. Gardening was a healthy hobby.
“Thanks,” she said. “So where are you and Zoe going?”
“We’re taking the twins camping in Volcano.”
“Oh. Cool!” Some small, selfish part of her felt hurt that she hadn’t been invited.
The logical part of her mind knew that Zoe wasn’t ready for something like that, and she didn’t want to take away from Noah’s time with his foster kids.
But simmering beneath all of that logic was an irrational jealousy…
and she despised herself for it. It seemed like being home dredged up all the youngest, smallest parts of her psyche.
Beneath the jealousy, she felt a deep remorse.
Noah had created a real family – albeit an unusual one. He had forged a strong relationship with their daughter, despite a rocky beginning.
And Anne wasn’t a part of any of it.
She lived in the same house as their daughter – or at least on the same property – and they were no closer now than they had been before she moved home.
“What’s wrong?” Noah asked, stepping closer.
“I have so many regrets,” she admitted.
“You have to stop living in the past,” he said gently.
“It’s not about the past. Not for me. It’s about the present that I’ve created with all of my mistakes… and how my kids have paid for them.”
“It seems like your kids are thriving.”
“Zoe wants nothing to do with me.”
“Give it time.”
“I’m trying.”
“Be patient, Annie.”
“I’m trying.”
He chuckled. “Maybe you need to try a bit less… and just let things be what they are. You’ve accomplished so much in the past couple of months, but you really haven’t been here that long. It might take a while for Zoe to accept that you’re here to stay. That is… if you are here to stay?”
She slipped her hand into his. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Well then.” He put a hand on the side of her face. “Give it time.”
“You’re a very patient man, Noah Kapono.”
“Very.” He kissed her, slow and sweet.
“When’s our second date?” she asked.
“Whenever you’d like.”
“How long will you be in Volcano?”
“Just overnight. We’re going to camp in a eucalyptus grove and then drive into the park before sunrise to see the lava fountains.”
“When you get back, then?”
“It’s a date.” He kissed her forehead and then stepped back.
“Have fun,” she said, and meant it.
“See you soon.”
She stole one last kiss, and then he was gone.