Chapter 15 Laurie
Laurie
Laurie sat on a tiny beach she had been to a thousand times before, basking in the sunlight. She picked up a handful of sand and watched it run through her fingers, feeling dazed and untethered.
She had officially filed for divorce, and Chris had immediately responded by petitioning the court for full custody.
Every day he sent long text messages pleading for her forgiveness and begging her to come home… and when she didn’t reply to those, he sent threats instead. Eventually he switched back to apologies, and the cycle repeated.
She couldn’t block him, because she was legally obligated to facilitate contact between Mia and her father. So she just endured the stream of abuse… and saved it all in the hope that the endless string of unhinged messages would help her case in court.
In the midst of all that, she had signed an agreement with Auntie Kua.
They were officially business partners; Kua would take a share of the sales in lieu of rent.
Right that moment, while she lay on the beach watching her daughter play, Kekoa was pulling out molding ceiling tiles and hauling them away.
Right there, on the edges of the present moment, her worst nightmares were competing with her wildest dreams – and it was hard to feel like she had any control over what came to pass.
Beneath all the details of daily life and making ends meet, she grappled with endless anxiety.
Her happiness hinged on Mia’s wellbeing.
What would she do if a judge decided that the best thing for Mia would be to return to private school in Hawi?
She couldn’t stay in Pualena and let Chris have their daughter five days a week.
If that happened, she would have to move back and find a place there…
and then her little Pualena bubble would pop, and she would be just another single mother desperately scrabbling to make ends meet in Hawaii.
Oakley emerged dripping from the lagoon and flopped down onto a towel in the shade. Out in the sunshine, the kids clambered over black volcanic rocks and jumped into the cool, clear water. Anne dozed in a hammock, and Claire had posted up in the shade of the ironwood trees with a book.
Laurie smiled at her niece. The scene reminded her of the thousands and thousands of hours she had spent doing the exact same thing in the ironwood forest of her childhood.
She used to go down with a book (or three) and read in the cool shade of the trees until she finally lost the light, at which point she would run home for dinner.
She wanted that for Mia – all the best bits of her island childhood, without any of the trauma.
Her stomach twisted as she thought of the trauma her daughter had already been subjected to, and she felt an odd mixture of determination and helplessness at the thought of her going through any more than she already had.
Oakley caught her attention and signed, You’re very quiet today.
Laurie shrugged and looked back out at Mia, who was dancing on the miniature lava-rock island with Harper.
Hey! Oakley signed in her face.
What’s your problem? Laurie shot back.
“Every time I try to talk to you,” she said and signed, “you just shrug me off!”
“I have a lot on my mind.” Mia was looking at them now, so Laurie spoke without signing.
“I know you do! That’s the point. You can talk to me.”
Sure. OK. Laurie meant to placate her, but the response came off sarcastic instead.
“What’s your problem?” Oakley demanded.
Nothing.
“It’s not nothing!” She signed with big, sharp motions. “You shut me out! You shut all of us out when all we want to do is help you.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“What did I ever do to you?”
Oakley, enough! Anne signed. Leave her alone.
“I’ve done nothing but try to help her and I’m the problem?” Oakley continued signing even when she was talking about Laurie instead of to her, and that conjured up a weird mixture of frustration and affection… which more or less summed up how she felt about her overbearing sister.
“Stop making everything about you,” Anne said.
Oakley opened her mouth and shut it again. Her hands hung quietly in the air for a moment and then dropped into her lap.
If anyone else had said that to Oakley, she would have jumped down their throat. But coming from her other half, she actually paused and took it in.
She glanced at Laurie and signed, Sorry.
“I’m opening a bookshop,” Laurie said.
“You’re what?” Oakley’s eyes went wide, showing the full circle of each blue iris.
She lifted her chin, daring her sister to say that she couldn’t manage it.
“I’m going to turn the old dance studio into a bookstore.”
“Laurie!” Anne nearly fell out of the hammock in her excitement. “Really?”
Really, she signed emphatically.
“That’s so exciting!”
“How?” Oakley asked. “With what money?”
“I have some savings.”
“But don’t you need those for… everything else?”
“You think I can’t do it.”
“I never said that!”
“No, you never outright say it. You just doubt me and shoot me down.”
“I’m not shooting you down, Laurie! I’m asking if you need help.”
Laurie pulled her head back in surprise and stared, her mouth hanging open as she processed Oakley’s words. Every time her older sister asked questions that seemed designed to deflate her… was she just trying to figure out how to help?
Anne disentangled herself from the hammock and joined them on the sand.
“Did you already lease the space?” she asked.
Laurie nodded. “I partnered with the woman who owns it. She’s going to take a share of the profits in lieu of rent.”
“Wow, that’s amazing!”
Oakley smiled and shook her head. “Only in Pualena.”
“What’s the plan? Will it be used books, or…?”
“A little bit of everything, I think. Used books, local authors, Hawaiian history…”
“Laurie, that’s so exciting!”
“I’ll keep working online,” she said, glancing at Oakley. “Multiple income streams and all that.”
Smart, she signed.
“When I think of the childhood that I want for Mia,” Laurie said, “I know exactly what it looks like. Quiet mornings in the garden, afternoons together in the bookshop, beach days with family…”
“What’s wrong?” Oakley asked when she trailed off.
“Chris filed for full custody.”
“Typical,” Oakley scoffed. “He doesn’t actually want to be a full-time parent. He just wants to force you to move back.”
“Probably. But what will the judge say? That’s her home, her school…”
“Not anymore.”
“How long before your court date?” Anne asked.
“We have the preliminary hearing soon, but nothing much happens then. We’ll do court-appointed mediation, and if we can’t come to an agreement, we’ll go back in front of a judge in a few months.”
“Have you registered her as a homeschooler?” asked Oakley.
“Not yet. Auntie Mahina’s daughter runs a co-op. She’s going to try that. Pete too, right?” she asked, looking at Anne.
“Yeah, he said he’ll give it a try.”
“Oh.” Oakley looked deflated for a moment, and she looked over at her daughters. Then she perked up again. “Good. Choose a curriculum, get her in some local groups – anything that you can do to show that she’s settled here, that she’s thriving.”
Laurie cringed at the performative dishonesty of it all, but she nodded. Oakley was right. She should get a jump on the things that she was going to do anyway.
“What’s with the face?” Oakley asked.
“It just feels… manipulative.”
“Deal with it.”
Anne shot her a look, but she waved it away.
“I mean it. That’s just a word that men use when women advocate for themselves and their children. The system’s broken. We all know it. If we have to manipulate a broken system to survive, then so be it.”
“The system seems to be working out just fine for you,” Laurie said.
A shadow passed over Oakley’s face, and immediately Laurie regretted her snarky comment.
In that moment, she realized that she actually had no idea what was going on in Oakley’s life – or in her marriage.
She had been too wrapped up in her own problems to even give her sister a moment’s thought – and all the while she had been so certain that Oakley was the problematic one.
Sorry, she signed.
Oakley waved her apology away.
“How can we help?” Anne asked.
“Well, I should probably start scrounging up some used books. Good ones, no mildew or anything.”
“I’ll see what I can find.”
“Will you carry kids’ books?” Oakley asked.
“Of course!”
“I have piles and piles that the girls have outgrown. I can probably stock the kids’ section myself.”
Laurie’s heart rose up to her throat, and she reached for Oakley’s hand.
“Thank you.”
“We’re here for you, little sister.”
“I know you are.”
Oakley’s eyebrows came down. “Do you?”
“I forget sometimes,” she admitted. “But yes. I do.”