Chapter 27 Anne #2
“I’m so tired,” Oakley admitted.
They sat together, leaning back against the same tree, and she rested her head on Anne’s shoulder.
Anne wished that she could just scoop up Oakley and the girls and move them into the big house in Pualena. Trent could move to the mainland for all she cared.
But she held her tongue. That was Hayden and Harper’s dad.
Anyway, he and Oakley had been together for a long time. Chances were, they would make it through this rough patch – and when they did, Anne didn’t want to have said anything negative about her brother-in-law.
All she could do was listen and give her sister a shoulder to cry on – even if she would rather drive up to Waimea and slap some sense into Trent herself.
“What about you?” Oakley asked after a while.
“What about me?” Anne echoed.
“How’s your love life?”
She let out a quiet huff of a laugh. “We don’t need to talk about me.”
“Distract me,” Oakley said. “Please?”
“It’s complicated,” Anne said quietly, looking out past the edge of the cliffs. The ocean shone sapphire blue, glinting in the sunlight.
“I’m listening,” Oakley pressed, picking her head up to look at her.
“We’re taking things slow. It would be easy to jump right into a relationship, with our history… and if it was just the two of us, I’m sure we would have.”
“But?”
“I’ve barely started to patch things up with Zoe.”
Oakley let out a huff of frustration. “Zoe’s a grown woman. You’ve got to stop tiptoeing around her eventually.”
“It’s not just her. It’s my other kids too. They’ve been through a lot this year. And Noah’s. Did you know that he had two kids living at his house?”
“I knew that he fostered sometimes.”
“These kids have been with him for a while already, and I don’t think they’re going anywhere.
The girl – Jasmine – is the first friend that Claire’s made here.
She and her brother have both been through a lot.
More than mine, for sure. I don’t want to add any extra chaos to anyone’s life by trying to blend our families too soon. ”
“That makes sense,” Oakley conceded, “but what do you want?”
Anne shrugged. “I’m happy with things the way they are.
We spend time alone when we can. A lot of lunch dates now that the kids are in school.
And I like it better this way. Our time together feels like a respite from everything else, instead of one more thing to juggle.
I’m not ready to mix that together with parenting yet. I don’t want to complicate things.”
“And Noah? Where does he stand on all that?”
“The same as me, I think. He understands. And he’s… cautious of trusting me, maybe, after everything I put him through.”
“You were just kids,” Oakley said, immediately coming to her defense. “He can’t hold that against you.”
“He doesn’t. The man’s a saint, I swear. It’s more like… he’s taking his time to get to know me. The woman I am now. And I’m doing the same.”
“I suppose that’s sensible.” Oakley’s expression turned moody, and she looked out into the distance. “I’m not sure Trent and I know each other anymore, and we’ve been living together this whole time.”
“People change,” Anne said gently.
“I wish I could blame him…” Oakley’s mouth twisted. “But I think I’m the one who changed. I put my whole heart into raising the girls, and I… I don’t know. I guess I lost sight of him. He’s still the same as he ever was. There’s just such a disconnect. There’s this gap that I can’t bridge.”
“It sounds like your growth outpaced his.”
“Maybe.” The sour expression on Oakley’s face didn’t change.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
“I know how hard you try. I know that you didn’t let him go without a fight.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. I’ve tried so hard to fight for us… but I don’t think that fighting was the right approach. I just wish I knew what the right approach was.”
“It takes two people to save a marriage,” Anne said quietly.
Oakley nodded, and a single tear rolled down her cheek.
They sat quietly for a long time, just listening to white noise of water on rock. The bigger waves sprayed up over the edge of the cliffs, misting them with a fine spray of salt water.
“Do you think you’ll marry him?” Oakley asked eventually.
“Noah?” Anne asked, surprised by the question.
“Who else?”
“I don’t know.”
“But do you want to?”
“Honestly?”
“Always.”
“I’m not sure.” She thought for a moment, trying to put her feelings into words. “I let Colin become the center of my life, so much so that I let Zoe go without a fight. I always meant to come back for her. But after college, when she wanted to stay with Mom and Dad, I just… let her.
“I’m ashamed to admit it, but I think a big part of that was not knowing how she would fit into the life I’d made for myself – not least of all, how a kid would fit into my relationship with Colin.
“I don’t want to center my life around a man ever again. Not even a man as perfect as Noah.
“I’m so glad that we’re in each other’s lives again, but I don’t want to structure my whole life around him. I look forward to our dates, but I’m not fixated on them to the exclusion of everything else. I’m too old for that.”
“You’re not old,” Oakley interrupted.
“I’m old enough. Too old to build my life around a man. Any man. I’m ready for a life of my own.”
“What are you building your life around, if not the man that you love?”
“Family,” she said immediately. “Community. This is the first time in my whole adult life that I’ve lived near family.
And honestly, it makes me sick to think of how desperate I was to escape something that feels so idyllic now.
When I think of the time I could have had with Dad, I just want to scream. ”
“That house used to be a lot more chaotic than it is now,” Oakley reminded her. “It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows growing up. We wanted out for a reason.”
“True,” Anne acknowledged. “Even so, I’ve had to work through a lot of guilt. And I feel like I’m finally through it now. Or through the worst of it.
“I’m actually enjoying my life, for the first time in a long time. I love spending my days with family. I love having all three of my kids in one place. I’m not eager to overturn any of that just to move in with a man.”
“Even if that man is Mr. Right?”
“Even for Noah Kapono,” she confirmed. “I’m happy with things as they are, for now. Once all the teens are grown, maybe we’ll reassess. That’s just a few years away. I’m not saying that I never want anything more serious. But for now… I’m happy with things as they are.”
“But he’s the love of your life.”
Anne turned to look at Oakley. Her almost twin. Her lifelong best friend. Her biggest cheerleader and adventure buddy. The person she could call for a midnight pep talk or cry to at two in the morning.
“No,” she said, squeezing her sister’s hand. “I love Noah. I do. But he’s not the love of my life.”
“Tell me you’re not still hung up on Colin.”
Anne snorted and shook her head.
“Well?”
“You’re the love of my life, Oakley. You always have been.”
Oakley’s eyes filled with tears, and she put her head back down on Anne’s shoulder. They sat that way for a long time, in the shade of the same trees that had sheltered them when they were small.
Whatever else life might throw at them, they would always have each other.