5. CHAPTER 5
N othing I did all morning was right.
I could feel the hatred radiating off him. He may as well have been sitting on my back for how heavy my body felt whenever he was there. Six foot plus with his tattooed muscles showing through the holes in his red and black flannel that looked like it's a hundred years old.
I wish I was like Wootek and didn't care.
I wish I could just brush away the shame in our parents' eyes, and with it all the guilt so I didn't have to stay here…
Eden moved on about two hours ago.
He fixed the generator then started on the roof.
I've finished the kitchen but have been standing here staring at a jar of sourdough starter on the windowsill for who knows how long.
I want to open it. I want to see if it smells anything like a finished loaf, but my hands are so sore and wet that I know I couldn't get the lid off.
Walking towards the heat of the fire, I hover my hands over the stovetop.
It stings at first, but it doesn't take long for the warmth to sink in and flow through my entire body.
I close my eyes and listen to Eden work above me.
He uses the drill then swears, but I don't even have the energy to smirk.
Opening my eyes, I stare at my hands. They're shaking, and I can see silver spots creeping in from the sides.
I take two steps and collapse onto the sofa. It's big, and soft, and possibly the most comfortable thing I've ever laid on. As long as I keep listening out for Eden, I can close my eyes and just lay here a while. Let my head settle. Catch my breath. And relax a little before tackling the rug.
T he right side of my head is pounding, but everything is black.
My body feels fine, like it’s floating.
I smile, though I’m not sure why.
Maybe because I’m not cold.
Not like last night.
But still, my head is aching.
“Jintae, you little fuck!”
Jintae? That’s my name.
I smile again, then—
“Ow! What the hell?” I reach for where my scalp is being pulled and feel a hand in my hair. My eyes shoot open to Eden's face only inches away from mine.
“Why the fuck are you asleep?” he yells—his shoulder length, almost black hair hanging down and covering most of his face.
My eyes dart around the cabin.
“Answer me, goddamnit.”
Clenching onto his wrist with both hands, I try to pull him away, but quickly give up and stand so he doesn’t tear out half my hair.
“One more chance, Jin.”
“I finished the bathroom and the kitchen,” I blurt out, and shield my face with my forearm.
“So what you’re telling me is that you’re not even halfway through?”
“No. I…” The speed at which I stood has caught up to me, and my eyes gape, then blink, then gape again as I try to steady my balance. “I… I was feeling lightheaded.”
Stepping back, Eden straightens his arms but doesn’t let go of my hair. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”
I think I might.
My head has been spinning for longer than it should, and my stomach is rising to my throat.
My body convulses, and Eden drops me.
I fall back onto the sofa and wretch, but nothing comes out.
I cover my mouth and try to stand, but I fall to my knees.
“You better not throw up in here.”
I frantically shake my head. That’s the last thing I want.
“How long ago did you finish this?” Eden asks, shaking the empty half gallon bottle in my face.
“I… I can’t remember.”
“You’re a fucking child,” he mutters under his breath en route to the kitchen.
With a hand on my chest, I lean back on my haunches, and watch him take another bottle from under the sink.
Opening the bottom drawer, he pulls out a green vial and takes out a tablet.
Tossing it in the water, he kicks the drawer shut and slams the bottle down on the rug in front of me.
"Get your shit together," he tells me before storming back out of the cabin.
Water drips down my chin and neck as I gulp it down.
Pausing to catch my breath, I look inside the bottle and watch the tablet continue to dissolve. It tastes bitter and sweet but also like sour orange all at the same time.
Stretching out my legs I rest my head on the sofa cushion. I look up at the rafters and notice they're a much deeper brown than the rest of the wood.
I wonder why?
I bet Eden would know.
I bet he knows about a lot of pointless mannish shit.
He’s definitely the kind of guy who would see a woman on the side of the road with a flat tire, pull over to help, do the bare minimum, then fuck them on the bed of his truck. I still can't believe that Shawn was the one who cheated on him and not the other way around.
My fingers trace over my neck then press down on my Adam’s apple. It hurts, it’s a deep pain, like a bruise when you poke it. Then I’m doing the same over my left cheek bone.
I’ve never felt weak before. Not like this.
I might be small, but I can run fast, skate well, I've got a black belt in Hapkido, and I played soccer all the way through to my senior year. I’ve always been smarter than average.
I was popular in high school. Girls flirted with me, and I dated a few of the cheer flyers, though nothing much came of it because I didn't really have anything to give.
I still remember the stories they'd tell me about Eden and my brother.
It started in middle school. From twelve years old the girls would ask me about them. But they were more than twice my age. What sixth grader should have even heard of the things they were asking? And it only got worse until junior year when they wanted to be introduced.
Seriously? Why would I want to be involved in that?
I never introduced them but I still don't know if they gave into the temptation.
God, that sounds horrible to say about my brother, but I don’t really know him underneath all the family stuff.
I’d always stay with him a few nights during school breaks.
He’d take me go karting or into the city to a proper skate park.
But we never talked, not really. And never the stuff an older brother should teach their younger brother about.
“Hey!” There’s a knock on the back window above the sofa. Spinning around, I see Eden hanging upside down from the roof, his knotty hair falling straight to the ground. “Why the fuck are you just sitting there?”
“I… I'm ready to do the floors, but there was nothing in the bathroom.”
“Under the stairs. And don’t let yourself get dehydrated again, cause I won’t be taking you to the hospital.”
Without answering him, I head for the cupboard half hidden by the exposed wooden stairs that lead to the loft. It’s mostly filled with stuff I'd expect like battery packs, and spare lanterns. But there's also a shelf at the very top that's packed full of books, all lined up backwards.
“Stay the fuck out of my room.”
“Does it look like I’m in your room?”
“The fuck did you say?”
Grabbing the carpet sweeper, I walk back to the window and slam the base of it on the rug.
“Why the hell would I want to go up there? It’s probably twice as filthy as it is down here.
” I grin at him through the glass and let the handle of the carpet sweeper fall against the sofa.
Then I return from the cupboard with window cleaner and a rag.
Kneeling on the pillows, I spray the cleaner right over Eden’s face.