25. CHAPTER 25
M y left hand is freezing, my back is sore, and the trip has taken fifty percent longer than it should, but his legs are half the size of mine.
“I’m really proud of you, Jin.”
He tugs playfully on my hand. “Quit trying to be my dad.”
“Your dad’d be in prison if he thought of half the shit I have.”
He pulls away from me. “That’s disgusting.”
“You’re the one who brought him up.”
Jin gags and wanders farther away from me.
“Get back over here,” I tell him—making a grabby hand in his direction. “I was trying to pay you a compliment.”
Pretending like it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done, he trudges back towards me and takes my hand. “You may continue.”
“Well, I was gonna say that I’m proud of you because we’ve only got a few hundred yards left to go and you haven’t complained once. But now I'm not so sure.”
“And why exactly is that?”
“Because I remembered that I’ve carried everything.”
“Fuck you,” he play-punches my chest with his free, gloved hand. “I offered, but you said no.”
“That’s because I’m too much of a gentleman.”
“You didn’t trust I wouldn’t drop it, more like.”
“Well, you are like a baby deer in those snow shoes. And they're designed for children.”
As I step forward, Jin lets go of my hand, and when I look back, I see him staring at me with his arms crossed and a rotten look on his face. “That wasn’t funny.”
I hold my hand out again. “Yes it was. Now come on.”
“I’m not a child.”
“And I’m not a fucking criminal. But you are small, and cute, and sexy as hell.”
His lips press together and I know he’s trying his hardest not to smile. “Give me something to carry.”
“You’ve dragged your big mouth the whole way, so let's just call it even.”
He tries to look pissed, but he wants to be back by my side as much as I want him here.
“Are you gonna give me any clues on what we’ll be getting up to later? Because I promise I don’t plan on being naughty.”
Glancing down at him, I see the tip of his tongue run over his top lip, all while avoiding my gaze.
“Licking your lips like that is being naughty.”
He quickly sucks it back inside his mouth and straightens his back. “I hope breakfast was alright. I know it was a bit rushed.”
“The food always tastes better when you cook it.”
“But that's because food always tastes better when someone else cooks it for you.”
Tilting my head to the side, I give him a look that says; are you forgetting my roast veggies , and he laughs.
The glimmer in his pretty eyes, the way his cheeks push up, the depth of his dimples, and the tiny sliver of his gum that peeks out whenever he shows off his full smile…
I can’t imagine them ever not affecting me.
They punch me in the gut every time. And they choked me, slapped me, shot me in the chest, the first time I actually took notice.
Jin was the gun that night, and when his eyes met mine for a split second, he pulled the trigger. It was instant, and primal, and I didn’t know what it was until I thought I’d lose him in that storm…
About one hundred yards before the trees open up, I stop and tug on his hand. He pivots towards me, and I kiss him. “Merry Christmas, Jin.”
“You already said that,” he whispers, refusing to pull away from me.
“I know. But I needed to say it again.”
It’s not easy with all that I’m carrying, and the fact we’re both wearing snow shoes, but I manage to shuffle us so Jin’s back is facing the oncoming track.
“I’m gonna need you to walk backwards.”
He looks at me dubiously. “Why?”
“Because I don’t trust you to keep your eyes closed.”
“I’ve seen the lake before.”
“You’ve seen it with a grey sky, and under less… happy circumstances.”
“And whose fault is that?” He pops his hip out like a sassy little bitch.
“Hence why I’m trying to make it better this time round.”
“Fine. But if I trip over it’s your fault.”
“A small price to pay,” I tell him as I step to his side and take his gloved hand.
Jin quickly shoves his bare hand into the pocket of his brother’s jacket and lets me guide him.
It’s slow going, but I know it’ll be worth it.
“I’m sorry about leaving you here.”
“I’ve already forgiven you,” he says, diligently looking at every reversed step his feet take.
This might be the cutest he’s ever looked.
It’s almost impossible for him to hold my hand properly with the glove on, but I can still feel him reflexively tensing against mine each time he lifts another foot.
I’ve seen this lake frozen over many times before, but it never ceases to amaze. And on a sunny day like this, even my breath is stolen as it comes into view.
With the last of the trees still bookending the vista like a perfect frame, I stop, and smile to myself.
“Are you gonna close your eyes and let me turn you around?”
Jin shakes his head, and I let go of his hand. Then I watch as he steps on one of the snow shoes—stumbling slightly—before freezing. With his body half way around, his head slowly pans the rest of the way. “Holy shit.” His eyes widen as his words puff out in a cloud of vapour.
“I told you it looked different.”
“Yeah, but it’s like… a screen saver.”
“For fuck’s sake,” I snicker. “You are such a city boy.”
“We don’t live in the city,” he whispers, still awestruck.
“That makes it worse.”
I leave Jin there, and brace myself for the inevitable punch in the face that’s coming my way in about three seconds.
“Goddamnit,” I shiver when the windchill ratchets up the cold factor tenfold.
“Holy crap,” Jin says about fifteen seconds later when he too steps beyond the protection of the trees. “How can it look so pretty but be so freaking cold?”
“You tell me. You’re the smart one.”
He pulls a face like he’s pretending to laugh, and puts on the other glove I gave him.
Deciding better than to set up out in the open, I retract my steps back to the track and dump everything I brought with us onto the snow. Taking the folded camping shovel, I clip all its pieces into place and start digging down to the earth below it.
“Could you please go find some stuff to make a fire?” I ask Jin when he seeks shelter beside me.
“Aren’t we meant to be fishing?”
“Yes Jintae, we are. But ice fishing can be tedious, and without a shelter, it’s brutal under the best conditions. So I want to give you somewhere to get warm if things get too much.”
I can tell by the look on his face that his knee jerk reaction is to bark some snide remark back at me about how I always treat him like he's weak, but he stops himself, swallows the words back down, and takes off the snow shoes.
When he returns with an armful of kindling, he lays it down in the hole I’ve created, and lingers, like he wants to say something.
“What is it?”
“Oh, nothing,” he mutters and turns around.
“Jin.”
He looks over to the pile of tools I’ve unpacked. “Can I have the axe?”
“The axe?”
He waves his hand dismissively, “Forget about it,” and turns away again.
With a sigh at how annoyingly attractive I find his sulking, I pick up the axe and hold it out towards him. “Jin.”
“What?” he says, all crabby, but it quickly morphs into a tight lipped smile when he sees the axe. “Thanks.”
As I watch him walk away, the hunger I have for him that always sits in my chest, starts to bloom with untapped depravity. It’s not a new phenomenon—I’ve done some downright disgusting things in my time—yet with Jin, it’s also mixed in with an overwhelming need to protect him.
Shaking all the ideas swimming around my mind out of my head, I take off my snow shoes and focus on digging out a narrow track from the fire pit to the frozen lake.
Once I'm a few steps onto the ice, I brush away some snow.
It really is beautiful when it freezes clear like this. I can see the brown and grey of the stones beneath it even more clearly than when it’s thawed.
Thirty or so yards further out, I use the shovel to push aside a larger area of snow. Not because it’s needed, but because I want Jin to see it. Finishing it off by dusting it completely clear with my hands, I stand back up and call out. “Jin!”
“Yeah?” I hear him faintly through the trees.
“How much longer are you gonna be? I need the axe to make the hole.”
“A couple more minutes, I think… Probably.”
“You’re hopeless.”
“Shut the hell up!”
“No.”
When I get back to the shore, I can hear him hacking at something.
The plan had been to set up the chairs and rod so they're ready for when he finished, but before I load up my arms, I can’t resist sneaking over to look at him.
Following the sound of the axe, I spot him chopping at a fallen spruce. He’s already cleared out the lower branches and is almost one third of the way through the trunk.
“Fuck,” I swear under my breath at how hot he looks; drowning in Tek’s jacket, but digging away at the tree like it’s nothing.
For my own good, I back away.
This boy is dangerous.
Each day he’s proving that he needs me less.
That he’s the bow and I’m the fiddle.
That with one sour look he could bring me to my knees. And I’d let him.
“Is that you, Eden?”
Shit. “Yeah.”
“Could you help me carry this back when I’m done?”
“Sure.” I make my way through the trees towards him, but keep my distance.
Picking up some of the larger fallen branches, I break them with my foot and throw them into a pile.
“Do you think it’d be easier to carry it back then cut it there?”
“Um, probably—yeah. Yes. It would be.” I stumble over my words like a bumbling fool instead of a man who owns his own business.
“Are you alright?”
When I look at him, he’s standing there with the axe over his shoulder.
“Not really.”
“And why not?”
“Because I… I don’t think I can be around you, right now.”
His face pales and his shoulders drop. “What have I done?”
“Nothing… Everything… I’m gonna regret what I do next if I don’t walk away.”
He smirks. “So don’t walk away.”
“We’re here to catch dinner.”
“This was my gift.”
I take a step back. "And that’s exactly why I need to leave.”
Jin drops the axe. “Can’t I change my mind?”
“Not for this.”