27. CHAPTER 27
I lost my virginity to the first girl who made an offer without a second thought.
I say I don’t regret it, but I do wish it meant something.
And whilst Jin isn't the first virgin since Marina, he is the one I've spent the most time thinking about—a lot of it having to do with how terrified I am that I won’t be able to control myself once I feel him squeeze around me.
I just don't trust myself yet.
But he’s getting desperate.
All night he stays wrapped up in my arms. If I roll over, he clumsily crawls over my body to snuggle back against the warmth of my chest.
He whines in his sleep. Moans my name. Unconsciously humps against me when his dreams get dirty. He gets so embarrassed when he wakes up having come on me. But I love it. It feeds my ego like nothing else ever has.
Sometimes, I even jerk him off in his sleep when I’m woken by his ass grinding against me—my dick just as hard as his.
It’s awkward to handle us both at the same time, but I manage; Jin subconsciously fucking my fist while I work myself into a frenzy.
And in the morning I explain away the amount of cum by telling him he must have had more than one dream.
I know I shouldn't do it.
I know it’s a betrayal of his trust. But I’m slowly dying.
I feel like a predator.
We’ve barely left the cabin in more than two weeks.
I’ve fucked his thighs and throat that many times that his legs are chaffed and his voice is hoarse.
His body is in a constant state of healing from the amount of bruises I’ve left on him. Mostly from my mouth. The ones he begged me for because he said it was his choice.
He's my every thought, and my every annoyance.
He shits me to tears, but also smiles at me with those gorgeous eyes and dimples that I would kill for.
I’m a masochist for him. For his nonchalance.
But mostly for that dead look he gets when he’s mad at me.
When all expression falls from his face and his eyes glaze over, unfocusing slightly, like just being around me is so much of a chore that his soul leaves his body.
That shit digs at me like nothing else and forces my monster to the surface.
The monster that would do anything for him.
No matter what it is, there’d be no hesitation.
And that scares me almost as much as him finding out how much power he really holds.
Because one look of utter indifference from Jeon Jintae could end with the world burning around us.
Fuck his family.
Fuck my business.
Fuck everything on the face of the earth but me and him…
I nestle my face into the top of Jin's head. His thick black waves are matted from sleep, and his hair smells like my shampoo. His whole body smells like me, it has since he took his first shower here. And it’s even stronger now that he sleeps with me.
He makes the cutest squeak as he wriggles in my arms.
His feet flex and his legs straighten in front of him as he stretches. His ass rubs back against me, and a dry, groggy little laugh follows it up. “Sorry. It really wasn’t on purpose this time.”
I pull him higher on the pillow and nuzzle my nose behind his ear. “You know I’ll never complain.”
“I bet all my money that one day that won’t be true.”
“I’d feel too guilty taking your money when you have so little of it.”
“It’s fine. I’ll be able to make more when you give me a job at the shop.”
“Is that so?”
“It is so,” he says, all cocky, rocking back against me with more force—my already uncomfortable morning erection sliding between his thighs.
I hiss, "We don’t need two receptionists.”
“And what makes you think Carey will want to stay on for the summer?”
“I don’t know. Just a feeling.”
“You sure that’s the only reason?”
I press my palm flat against his lower stomach; my middle and ring fingers landing on either side of the base of his cock.
His hard cock.
Just like mine.
Just like we always are first thing in the morning.
As I push him back against me, my fingers squeeze.
He releases a husky moan with no shame. “You— ah. Quit teasing me so you can avoid the question.”
I draw my hips back and force my dick back between Jin’s irritated thighs. It’s dry, and the friction is intense, but this time when I’m all the way through, I reach beneath his balls to pull myself more snugly against him. “Is there a right and a wrong answer?”
Jin’s hand replaces mine, gently rubbing at my cock head while I drag my fingertips over the top of his. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“On what your answer is.”
“It’s too early, and I’m way too hard for your riddles.”
“Just give me your answer. Do you really think Carey will stay on? Or is it that you actually don’t want me working with you?”
I drag my hand up over his stomach and chest to his throat. Jin lets out another shameless moan as I grab him by the neck and push his head back. “Wouldn’t you rather feel good instead of talking?”
“But we hardly ever talk.”
“We talk all the time.”
“But not about this sort of stuff.” My fingers crawl over his jaw and into his mouth, forcing him to mumble. “Whenever I try, you distract me.”
“That’s because I’d prefer to watch you come.”
“I think it’s because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared.” I force my fingers deeper.
“Yeth, you are.” He struggles around the intrusion. “Ith you're ashamed, just thay it.”
I tear my hand from his mouth. Throwing back the covers, I push his upper body forward and smack his bare ass.
“What was that for?”
Crawling over him, I cage him with my body. “How many goddamn times do I have to tell you, you’re nothing to be ashamed of? This is the reason why I don’t wanna talk about shit. All you do is bring up reasons why I shouldn’t be with you. It doesn’t make any fucking sense.”
His chin quivers and his eyes tinge pink, but he holds back the tears. “I’m scared.”
“I know.” I wrap an arm beneath his shoulders and press my face against the side of his. Jin’s arms wrap around me, and my body sinks down on top of him.
“I don’t want you to realize I’m a mistake.”
“I don’t want you working with me because I don’t trust myself.”
He hugs me tighter, but he can’t hide the way his body moves when it cries. “I want to believe you.”
“So why can’t you?”
“Because you worked with her. And I know what you got up to.”
“Goddamnit, Jin. It’s not about that. I couldn’t give a fuck if I had to stop working every time you looked at me so I could drag you into the back room and fuck you senseless.
You could be as loud as you wanted. You could announce what we were about to do, but it’s…
It’s them… Everyone else. Every other man that walks into the shop…
I never got jealous when guys would look at Shawn.
If anything, it turned me on more. But with you…
” I ball my hands underneath him and bite his shoulder because the urge to come all over him right this second is very real.
“The thought of anyone looking at you; of thinking about touching you…”
Jin’s hands find their way to my face, and they guide me so I’m hovering over him again. “That’s going to happen. But not nearly as often as you think it will. And it’ll be nothing compared to the women who’ll continue to lust over you.”
“But I don’t want any of them.”
“And I don’t want anyone other than you, either. But wouldn’t you rather have me close?”
“I’d rather lock you up.”
“You’ve got me locked up now.”
My next exhale turns into a smirk. “I can always threaten to bring you back here.”
“Is it really a threat if I'd come willingly?”
Crawling back, I lower my body just to the side of his, rest my cheek against his chest, and drape an arm over his waist. “I just don’t think I can watch it happen while I'm meant to be working.
It'll be too distracting, and… you're too good for that job, Jin.
And so is Carey. I don't want either of you getting stuck in a job with no room to grow.”
Jin’s hand brushes the hair off the side of my face, then he combs his fingers through it. “Can I still come and visit?”
“I’d be offended if you didn’t.”
We lay there in silence, and I feel at peace again.
How can a nineteen-year-old make me feel so complete?
How can being in the arms of someone so small make me feel so safe?
My dick is still mostly hard, and his is resting against my arm, but I no longer feel the urge to do anything about it. Nor do I feel the need to move.
I'd spend all day up here if he wanted to. Just lying with him, my head hypnotically moving in waves with every cycle of his breath as it rocks me back to sleep.
I'm wracked by a powerful yawn—the kind where a sound comes from deep in your throat.
Jin catches it, and my head shakes as his lungs suck in as much oxygen as they can take.
When he settles, my eyes are heavy. They close of their own accord.
The thin fingers still stroking my hair, start to falter, and I can hear the beat of his heart slowing.
Then my phone vibrates.
Jin’s hand fists, yanks at my scalp, and then he growls, "Tell her to fuck off.”
I make no attempt to move. “Telling her isn’t enough.”
“Then call her.”
“That’s giving her what she wants.”
“Then turn your phone off.”
“Jin,” I respond in a tone that says; don’t be stupid .
“Eden,” he replies in the same tone.
“You know what she needs.”
He pulls my hair until I roll off of him. “Not gonna happen.”
As soon as he loosens his hand, I pounce back on him. “C’mon. You know it’s the only way she’ll get the message.”
“You’re not sending her a video.”
“A picture then?”
“No.” He squirms beneath me, but I hold him down.
“Don’t be such a prude.”
“I’m not a prude. I’m— ahh. That’s not fair.”
“All’s fair in sex and ex-girlfriends.” I hook my feet over his ankles to stop him from moving his legs while continuing to kiss his chest.
“You never play fair.”
“You’re too easy to get riled up.”
When I’m certain he won’t move, I release his hands and move backwards; my lips marking a course down the center of his stomach.