28. CHAPTER 28
M y face is cold, but the day is still.
I’ve barely moved for the past hour, but desperate times call for desperate measures. The gochujang ran out days ago, and I refuse to live on rice and roast vegetables alone for dinner.
Jintae squirms beside me. “My legs are sore.”
“Your stomach will be sore if you don’t keep still.”
“Shut up,” he tells me, and moves from kneeling to sitting on my lap.
“So you don’t care if my legs hurt?”
“Not right now, I don’t.” It’s easy to hear the precociousness in his voice as he leans his head back against my shoulder.
I rub my head against the side of his, but it’s more about the thought behind the action because we both have our hoods up. “You smell good.”
“It’s too cold to smell anything.”
“Not true. Your cuteness cuts through it.”
He shakes his head, "You’re an idiot,” and lowers the shotgun.
With my eyes still scouring the trees and forest floor, I wrap my arms around him, but it’s not as satisfying as I’d have hoped it would be.
I can barely feel him. I could be hugging a giant teddy bear and it would feel mostly the same.
There’s softness, but none of the warmth that should come along with it.
I squeeze him tighter. “I miss you, Jin.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere.”
“I know. But you don’t look at me the same.”
Whether his eyes are searching for movement as well, I don’t know, but he keeps his head forward. “I wouldn’t say that’s totally true.”
I lower my forehead to his shoulder. “Even if it’s only a little bit, it still hurts.”
“I don’t wanna hear about it, Eden,” he tells me, raising the barrel again, and I bite the tip of my tongue to stop myself from saying something stupid.
I watch the shotgun move slowly from side to side.
Jin’s never been hunting before, but just like with everything else I've taught him, he’s taken to it like a pro.
His initial hesitations have meant his shots ended up missing, but his form is perfect.
“You're good enough to be on your own, now. We could split up. It’d give us a better chance to spot more.”
He shakes his head, quickly changing directions towards a rustle around fifteen yards away. But when it turns out to just be a falling pinecone, he relaxes again. “I don’t want you to go.”
I sigh. I try to make it quiet, but the heat of my breath gives me away.
“I like knowing you’re close.”
Unable to hold it in any more, I ask, "Why don’t you call me hyung anymore?”
“Because you don’t deserve it.”
“Jin, please. It’s been three days.”
“I don’t care if it’s been three weeks.”
“So why did you come out with me today?”
“Just because I’m mad at you doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with you.”
Having had enough of talking to his hood, I pull it down. “Do you know how much of a mind fuck that is?”
“I’d say it’s about as big as having the shit beaten out of you by the guy who's secretly obsessed with you.”
Touché. “I’ll never stop apologizing for that.”
“The list is growing.” His continued monotone nonchalance is like a stab in the sternum.
“I know, I—”
“Sent a naked video of me—”
“And I deleted it five minutes later.”
In a huff, he turns to look at me for the first time. “That’s beside the point and you know it.”
“All you could see was me, your ass, and my dick.”
“And you don't think she was wondering, hmm, who’s that tiny pale man?”
“You’re not tiny,” I smirk.
He rolls his eyes; “God you’re insufferable,” and turns away from me again.
“Who cares what she thinks? You know I don’t give a shit anymore if the whole town talks about me.”
“And what if that actually happens? It won’t take long before people start putting two and two together.”
“You’re thinking about it too much. Your aim will be off unless you relax.”
“I don’t feel like relaxing right now.”
“I’m glad you came out with me.” My voice is soft in his ear, and I lean in to kiss the spot just below it. “You look sexy with a gun in your hands.”
It's easy to tell by the shakiness of his breath that he’s furious at himself for melting into me.
Lifting my chin, I pinch his earlobe between my lips. “I’ve loved having you in my bed.”
“At what point does it become my bed, too?” he asks, all weak and breathy.
“The first time I fuck you in it.”
“So you’re still making all the decisions then?”
“You know that’s bullshit.”
“Do I?”
“I’ve gotta have power over something, cause you control everything else.”
“You’re talking out your ass.”
“Outside of lying together in bed, you’ve not touched me in days. I’ve given you your space. I’ve let you decide every meal. We play what you want. Watch what you want.”
“That still doesn’t change what you did.”
“Shh… I know. I fucked up, and I’ll pay for it as long as you make me. But I need you to know how much it’s killing me.”
Jin nods, but he doesn’t say anything else. He slides off my lap and brings his left knee up to rest his arm on. “How much longer do you think we’ll need to stay out here?”
“As long as it takes.” I look up at the greying sky between the treetops. “Who knows how long this one will last.”
“We’d have been fine if you didn’t develop a spam and rice addiction.”
“Hey. You never said no to cooking it.”
“Still. It could have been spaced out a bit more.”
“And you could have not shown up here and eaten—”
I'm stopped dead in my tracks by the; I’m totally fucking done with you right now, look on Jin’s face.
“Yeah, yeah." I grin. "We both know I’m full of shit… But put it this way. The longer the next storm lasts, the longer it will be before someone finds us.”
“If that’s meant to make me feel better—”
“Shh,” I interrupt.
Both our attentions are drawn away to a male Franklin's Grouse that just flew down from the bottom branches of a giant subalpine fir.
Jin raises the barrel, moves his head into position, and waits.
I’d have taken the shot by now, but he’s so eerily focused.
Still not having seen us, the grouse moves closer. And as it makes its way to a winterberry shrub, Jin pulls the trigger.
With a reverberating bang, the bird falls to the compacted snow.
“Fuck, that was hot,” I say without meaning to as he stands up to collect his kill.
"I’m so gone," I say to myself like a fucking simp as he walks back towards me, grouse in his hand like I didn’t just teach him how to hunt.
“Here.” He tosses it beside me. “That’s one meal. How many more do you think we’re gonna need?”