CHAPTER 28
Flashes of red, white, and blue fill the midnight sky.
They’re coming from the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, but I could swear they’re exploding right in front of me because the floor to ceiling windows look like a movie screen jam-packed with color.
And every time another crack breaks through the silence, the lounge fills with light.
I press my hand to the glass and feel the vibrations. Every hiss, every snap and bang.
Another goes off and I watch the ember shoot even higher than the others until it breaks into a green and orange spiral before fizzing out.
I reach my hand behind me. “Why would you wanna miss this?”
I search further with my fingers, unable to tear my eyes away.
“Tek?” I say, then look to my side.
He’s not at the window.
I turn around and see him still huddled on the sofa. Hunched up, his eyes squeezed shut, his hands covering his ears.
“Tek!” I call out, moving fast.
Another cluster goes off.
He flinches violently.
I drop to my knees at his side.
I reach for his wrist—not to pull it away, just to get his attention.
His eyes shoot open and he glares at me like he’s seen a ghost, then they lose focus.
Another crack slices through the air, and he shuts them again.
“A crash,” he says, flat and small.
The next cluster detonates. Too many. Too fast in succession.
He starts rocking.
Skin to skin, I slap my hands over his.
His breaths are sharp and shallow. “A crash. It was a car crash.”
I climb onto his lap, press my forehead against his, and squeeze my hands tighter.
“A car crash. Me and her. And Anaise… She… He…”
The side of his face flashes in multicolor.
Okay.
Fuck the sky.
“We’re going down stairs,” I shout. “Right now.”
Tek doesn’t move when I climb off of him.
I tug at his arm, but it’s like he’s tied in place. Trapped.
When the next crack tears the room in half, his eyes shoot open, and he sees me again.
“Down stairs,” I repeat.
He nods, but as soon as he’s standing, he seizes.
Facing him, I wrap one hand around his middle and rest my other palm against his cheek. Shuffling backwards as best I can, I slowly lead him to the basement stairs, where, instead of trying to persuade him, I pick him up and carry him down. It’s not pretty—he’s fucking huge. But it's necessary.
The basement is cooler like it always is, and once the den’s door is shut, it cuts off the worst of it. Thuds still punch at the ceiling, but they’re dull now.
I set Tek on the sofa, and when my touch leaves him, his eyes snap open like they’re screaming for me to not leave.
It hurts me to do it, but I have to. Just for a second.
Rushing to the guest room, I snatch my headphones and turn on the noise cancelling function as I run back to him.
I stretch them over his hands and grab the blanket that lives on the back of the sofa.
Thick, heavy, and a little scratchy, I drape it over his shoulders and tightly wrap it around his front, cocooning him.
Then I’m by his side; my arms around his chest and my legs around his thighs, squeezing as tight as I can.
For several long moments we stay like that, his hands still over his ears.
Soon, his head starts to sway, like he’s trying to calm himself. I rock us both together, gentle, at the same pace as his lethargic nods.
In time, his shoulders lower and his hands slip from beneath the headphones, his head falling to rest on my arm.
“I got you,” I say into his temple. “You’re here. Not there. You’re mine. Breathe with me. In… Hold… Out…”
Tek tries, but ends up trembling, his breaths coming out in ragged huffs as he buries into my neck.
“Plastic… In my hand,” he gulps. “Metal… Through my thigh.”
I stroke his hair as best I can.
“Blood.” His chest starts convulsing as tears cascade. “She—Miri—she… Lights wouldn’t stop flashing… I couldn’t get to her… Anaise was screaming, but she… Miri… She wasn’t moving… She was…”
“I’ve got you,” I say again, unsure if he can hear me. Unsure if he even wants to.
All I can do is be here for him.
I press my hand to his heart, and hold him until the noise upstairs thins to sporadic pops before finally ending.
For at least another ten minutes I keep pressure on him. I don’t push. I don’t even breathe in a way that will disrupt him.
His face is red, the front of his shirt is wet, and his eyes are bloodshot when he finally raises his head to look at me again.
“I’m sorry.” He takes the headphones off and shifts, almost like he’s trying to cower away from me. But I won’t let him.
“Where are you going?”
His eyes dart around the room.
His chin flaps several times before anything comes out. “You must think I’m pathetic.”
“I think you’re an idiot, but you’re far from pathetic.”
Pulling his sleeve down over his hand, Tek uses it to wipe the tears from his face.
“You look cute with puffy eyes, Oppa.”
“Shut up.” He sniffles and bashfully punches my arm. “I’m sorry for lying to you.”
I tilt my head. “What did you lie about?”
“Um…”
As the seconds pile up, my stomach starts to twist, but I keep it pushed down.
“...I guess, about why I wanted to go to bed.”
I sigh in relief. “That’s not really a lie. You just didn’t tell me.”
“But I should have.”
“I’m sure you had your reasons.”
Tek gives a single, solemn nod, and it looks like the weight of the world is on his back.
I want to reach out to touch his face and tell him that, with me, he’ll never have to worry about anything ever again. But good intentions don’t count for shit. Not when there's a broken man in front of you and you don’t know if you really do have what it takes to protect him.
“I should have told you about her.”
“There’s plenty you don’t know about me.”
“Have you ever had a partner die beside you?”
His words hit me like a stab in the heart. “No, I’m… I’m sorry.”
“The bastard killed her. Ran straight into the side of the car and smashed her skull in.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again, but there’s a fire in Tek, an anger bubbling inside him.
He kneels in front of me, and I fall back—my bent arms supporting me.
He grips the front of the tank top in his fist and clings to the back of the sofa with his other hand like he wishes he could strangle someone. But I know it’s not me. I did nothing wrong. I’m just a vessel. Somewhere for him to direct his pain.
“She was pregnant and I didn’t even know!”
His tears run.
The veins in his neck pulse.
“Do you have any idea what that feels like? To lose the person you’re in love with and your child in the one goddamn sentence?”
I don’t answer.
I know he doesn’t want me to.
“She was everything. My mother hated her, but it only made me love her more… And it was my fault. I killed her!” He pounds his chest. “I fucking killed the only person I’ve ever loved until…”
…me?
Tek’s eyes bulge.
His chin quivers.
I exhale like I’ve been punched in the chest.
It’s clear he’s just as shocked by his slip up as I am.
Almost frantically he licks his lips, his eyes darting down to my right hand.
I quickly glance in the same direction, then raise my hand.
I’m still a foot away but his lips part, and I know exactly what he wants.
The tip of my index finger draws a line across his bottom lip.
He’s still got a death grip on my tank top and the blanket is still twisted around us, but as soon as two of my fingers press down against his tongue, Tek settles into my lap.
His hand flattens against my chest.
His lips close, and when he starts sucking, the tension in his jaw evaporates.
He’s still crying, but the anger is gone.
He can have my fingers as long as he needs them.
I sit up properly, and just share the space with him until I can feel him settle completely.
I want to tell him I love him too, but it feels so silly right now.
None of this is about me. He’s never even called me his boyfriend.
Tek hums, and I slide my fingers out of his mouth.
I hold his jaw because I can sense he wants them close, and he lets out a stuttered breath when I grip tighter.
“Can you…” He starts, his gaze dropping from me like he’s ashamed of what he’s about to say. “Can you make me forget?”
“You shouldn’t ever forget—”
“No, that’s not—” He stops himself before continuing. “I just wanna forget, now.”
I swallow. “What exactly are you asking me, Tek?”
Reaching for my wrist, he guides my hand to his throat then slides his over the top of mine, forcing me to squeeze.
“I…”
His eyes fall, but he doesn’t lighten his grip.
“...I want you to push me around… Talk down to me…”
His free hand reaches between us.
I should tell him to stop.
“...You can hurt me if you want.”
“I don’t ever want to hurt you.” My fingers go slack but he bullies them to poke harder into his neck.
“You will if I deserve it.”
“Tek—”
“Sometimes I lose control… Sometimes I don’t even know I’ve gone…”
I pry my hand away from beneath his so I can hold the back of his head and press our foreheads together.
“...Do you think you can bring me back to you?”
“I’ll always find you.”
“I can’t… I can’t do this on my own anymore.”
“You don’t have to.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
A tear runs from Tek’s nose onto mine. “I trust you…” He sniffles. “So much.”
“Tell me what you need from me.”
“Fuck.” His whole body shivers. “I…need you to fuck me.”
My mouth is instantly dry.
My dick has never wanted anything more, but my heart and my head are at odds with it.
“I don’t think now’s the right time.”
“But you said—”
I stroke his cheek. “But you’re already with me.”
Like he’s scared it really isn’t true, Tek wraps both his arms around me.
I kiss the corner of his mouth. “I’ll take you away. But no sex. Not tonight.”