35. CHAPTER 35
Iput the four empty beer bottles I’m carrying in my left hand on the kitchen bench. Without taking my eyes off my phone screen, I slide the bottles forward until I hear them clink against the growing pile of empties.
Shawn: I know about you and Carey.
She sent it days ago, but I’ve spent more time staring at it than anything else since I first opened it.
I sense Carey before I feel his hand slide around my waist from behind. “Are you gonna reply this time?” he asks, perching his chin on my shoulder.
“She doesn’t deserve it.”
“Then stop looking at it.”
I lean my head against the side of his. “I don’t mean to, but it just doesn’t feel real.”
“That she knows?”
“That she knows and I don’t feel anxious about it.”
Carey rubs my chest. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
“Maybe… Or maybe it’s that the more people who know, the less the chance I have to be the one to tell my parents about it.”
“Tek, thats—”
“I know, I know.” Reaching up, I run my fingers through Carey’s hair then rest my hand on the back of his neck.
“It’s not them knowing that worries me—the confrontation is inevitable at this point.
If my mother calls me, or shows up here already fired up, I can deal with that.
But it’s the switch in her that I’m trying to avoid.
Sitting down, trying to be a reasonable adult doesn’t work with her.
She’s the parent, and I’m a child till the day I die.
It doesn’t matter that I’m thirty-four. I mean, it’s why my brother ran away. ”
Carey’s hand swiftly grabs my jaw as he playfully twists me to look at him. “Don’t even think about it.”
“Why not?” I smirk back at him. “It’s worked out so far for both of our brothers. Why couldn’t it work for us as well?”
“Because that's not you.”
“But it’s easier.”
Carey shakes my chin. “But you didn’t run two months ago. When things were the hardest, you stayed behind and held the shop together. You worked your ass off to keep your clients happy and the business running.”
“I could only do all that because I had you.”
His hand slips down to rest on the kitchen bench. “But you didn’t want me, remember?”
“I didn’t want you, because I did want you.”
“What are you trying to say?” Carey asks, brushing his nose against mine.
“That you’re a pain in my ass.”
“Uh-uh-uh,” he tuts. “I wanna hear you say it.”
“You’re the worst.” I try to kiss Carey but he pulls back an inch.
“Say it.”
“I couldn’t have run the shop without you.”
“Whilst I love hearing it, what I really want is for you to tell me when you first noticed me.”
“When you bought me the slippers.”
“Oh.” He leans back in. “Was it that early?”
My lips skim over his as I nod.
“So when was the first time you… You know?”
“Thanksgiving… In the basement.” We’re so close, every time I exhale Carey sucks it straight into his lungs. “We were playing pool… You showed me your piercing…”
“Pervert,” Carey whispers then kisses me.
If I’d known back then how good this would feel I’d have never put myself through the torture of denying us both. “We… We…” I pant out, trying to stay strong. “We need to tell Eden.”
Carey acts coy. “We?”
“Yes, we.”
“But he’s your best friend,” he pouts, and I need to step away. “Where are you going?”
“You’re dangerous.” I point at him then open the fridge to get four more beers. “You can’t look at me with that face, then do what I know you’re gonna want to do to me later.”
Carey takes a beer from me and twists off the cap. “I’ve never done anything you haven’t begged me for.”
“I begged you to leave the shop when you first arrived in town.”
He lightly taps my cheek. “But I could see in your eyes that you didn’t mean it.”
“The. Worst,” I repeat.
Carey slides in front of me. “You love me.”
“Do I?”
“Yep. Just like everything else, I know before you do.”
I smile at him because he’s probably right, I just can’t let him know. “Are you gonna do this, or am I?” I ask, nodding towards my living room.
“They’re your friends.”
“But they already like you better than me.”
He takes a swig of beer and mutters, “That’s not hard.”
I stop at the kitchen door to suggest; “If you start it, I’ll finish it.”
With a sly grin, Carey slowly spins back to me. “You can’t complain if I go rogue.”
“As long as you don’t declare, oh, by the way, we’re fucking, I don’t care how you do it.”
“Deal.” He taps the neck of his bottle against the one in my right hand, and spins back around.
Holding back, I watch him approach the closest couch, step over Anaise’s legs that are perched on the coffee table, and slump down into the cushions beside her. The very same cushions where he fucked me for the first time.
Austin looks up at me, and I make my way over. I hand Anaise a beer then round the coffee table to deliver Austin his before putting my phone down and taking my previous seat beside him on the other couch.
“Why are you two sitting so far apart?” Carey asks almost immediately.
“What?” Austin blurts out then tries to cover it up.
“Why are you and Anaise sitting so far apart?” he says again. “I figured you’d wanna be beside her. I mean, unless you’re already sick of each other.”
Anaise sighs with an over dramatic roll of her eyes. “You’re one to talk.”
“Me?” Carey asks, all innocent. “I’ve got nothing to say.”
“I’ll say it, if you say it.”
Anaise and Carey remain staring at each other, neither wanting to be the first to budge.
“Wait.” Austin says. “What’s going on?”
Without taking his eyes off Anaise, Carey answers. “I’m just wondering when you guys are gonna tell us you’re together.”
“W-what? W-we’re not.”
“You know he’s got a crooked dick, right?” I laugh, pointing to Austin with my thumb.
Anaise spins her head in my direction. “Yeah. We’ve all been friends since high school. And considering how much you and Eden love to talk about it, I was well aware.”
“Wait, wait.” Carey holds up his hands. “I’m gonna need details.”
“Well…” Anaise cocks her head to the side as Austin sinks into the couch. “Austin’s dick is… I wouldn’t say crooked. It’s more… perfectly curved. You know what I mean?” She gestures with her hands and Carey nods, totally enthralled. “It makes me come real good when I let him get it from behind…”
Austin chokes on his beer, and I crack up laughing. I know Anaise is just trying to spite me, but Austin’s reaction means I could care less.
“…And, with how obsessed Tek and your brother have been with his dick all these years, it really comes as no surprise that both of them are… well…”
I stare straight at her. “Well, what?”
Anaise stares right back at me. “Everyone in Broadrock already knows about Eden’s mystery man. It was a shock, if I’m being honest. But, what shocks me most, is that the pair of you are still trying to pretend like there’s nothing going on.”
With a smug grin, Carey crosses his arms and sits back. He kept up his end of the bargain, that’s for sure. He dropped a bomb, and is just sitting back to watch the aftermath.
I lean forward, resting my forearms above my knees. “How long have you known?”
Austin jolts upright. “Wait? So it is true?”
Anaise smiles. “Say it, Tek.”
“How long have you known?”
“Since New Years.”
That long? Wow. “We weren’t together then.”
Anaise leans forward to copy my position. “But there was something going on?”
I keep looking at her without saying a word. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I thought I was being discrete.
Anaise giggles because she knows she’s won. Not that it's a competition. “This one.” She gestures to Carey, “Wasn’t even trying to hide it. But you… I think the harder you tried, the more obvious it was.”
My face goes blank, and I sink back. Every interaction I had with Carey during the week at my parents house floods back to me.
I thought I was hiding it.
I thought I was doing well.
“H… How?”
“You mean other than the fact Carey’s been living here almost a month?
” Anaise stands, then squeezes herself in between Austin and I on the couch.
Leaning her head on my shoulder, her voice goes soft.
“I’ve known you for twenty years. I know better than anyone what you’re like when you’re in love.
” From the corner of my eye I can see Carey’s head swivel towards me, and even without looking, I know he’s got a shit-eating grin plastered across his face.
“You’ve shunned connection for so long… It’s been, what?
thirteen years since Miri passed—” Anaise claps her hand over her mouth.
I squeeze her leg. “It’s fine. He knows. He knows everything.”
Austin leans forward. “But I don’t. Who’s Miri?”
Anaise puts her hand on top of mine. “She was my girlfriend in college.” Carey shuffles his foot towards me, and I cross mine over his, wrapping them at the ankle. “The three of us were on our way back from a party and we got hit by a drunk driver, and she… she didn’t make it.”
“Fuck, man.” Austin shakes his head.
“You knew there was an accident, right?” Anaise asks him.
“Yeah, through the grapevine. We all kinda lost touch during college. I never imagined that… fuck.”
Anaise runs her hand over her forehead to lift her bangs. “It’s the crash where I got this.”
Austin turns, holds her by the back of the neck, and kisses her scar.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Me, too,” I say. “I just… couldn’t.”
“It’s fine, man. I get it.” Austin huffs loudly. “Fuck that driver.”
“Amen,” Carey responds, and takes another sip of his beer.
Anaise shimmies out from the middle of the couch to take up position on Austin’s lap. Sitting sideways, she leans against his chest and starts to play with the buttons on his shirt. “Do your parents know you’re together?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. If they do, they haven’t said anything.”
“Then they’re blind, or in denial.” Anaise redirects to Carey. “I assume your brother doesn’t know.”
“Not unless he’s talking to Shawn.”
We all laugh, which is nice.
It’s all nice.
People know about Carey and I, and the world hasn’t imploded.
Maybe it won't be so bad when Eden finds out? Maybe doing it over the phone before the snow is completely thawed is actually a good idea after all? Cause I’m not giving up Carey.
Nothing Eden does or says will change that.
If he wants to sell his part of the shop, then fuck him, he can sell it to me and I’ll hire Reeze back tomorrow.
I’ll miss him, but what I have with Carey is a different kind of love.
Fuck.
I really do love the sly prick. With his golden skin, sunshine smile, and infuriating hair that keeps falling on his face.
“Oppa.” Carey’s voice cracks, and I follow his gaze to my phone. The screen is lit up, and right there in the middle is a text notification from—
“Shit! It’s Jintae.” I snatch up my phone and step to the other side of the living room. “What do I do?”
“Read it,” Carey answers like I’m a fucking idiot because it really was a dumb ass fucking question.
“Right.” I nod, my heart in my throat. “Why the fuck am I more nervous about this then telling you guys about…” My voice trails off and Carey is at my side in an instant. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and asks;
“Do you want me to open it, or do you wanna do this on your own?”
I press my phone against his chest, and as soon as he takes it I pace my way to the kitchen. “What does it say?” I blurt out.
“Gimme a second. I gotta unlock it first.”
I nod, again, silently to myself as I grip the kitchen bench.
“He says he’s safe.”
“And what else?”
“That’s it.”
“That’s it?!”
Carey hands me the phone back and I stare at the screen.
Jintae: I’m safe.
I glare at Carey. “How is that it?”
“But he’s made contact. That’s amazing, right?”
“Right… Right…” I keep nodding because I don’t know what else to do. “I’ll… Write back.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” Carey agrees with a kind smile.
Tek: Where are you?
JinTae: I’m safe. That’s all you need to know.
Tek: Mom and Dad called the cops.
JinTae: Please tell them I’m alright.
Tek: Goddamnit, Jin. Can’t you please tell them yourself?
JinTae: How’s the shop going?
Tek: Don’t act like you didn’t disappear off the face of the earth for two months.
He starts typing, then the dots disappear.
“Goddamnit,” I curse under my breath, then look to Carey who's been reading along over my shoulder. “Am I being unreasonable?”
“About what? Nobody's heard from him in two months. You’re allowed to let him know you’re frustrated.”
JinTae: I feel good, Tek.
“Is he fucking serious?”
Tek: Am I supposed to act happy for you?
JinTae: I don’t wanna fight. I just wanted to let you know I was doing well.
Tek: Are you coming home?
JinTae: Yes.
Tek: When?
JinTae: I can’t answer that right now.
“I swear to god I’m gonna reach through this phone and wring his fucking neck.”
Carey holds my face in his hands, and presses his thumbs against the middle of my lips.
Gently, he runs them out to the edge of my mouth then back towards the center.
With each new pass, I feel myself cool. When my breathing has calmed, he digs between my lips and gives me his thumbs to suck on, and my heart settles back into my chest. “Are you not happy too, old man?”
I bite down lightly. “That’s not the point,” I mumble around his fingers.
“Do you want him to be happy for you when you tell him about us?”
I concentrate on sucking and silently nod my head.
“Then you need to be happy for him. Whatever that means.”
“But what if—”
“Whatever that means!”
Fuck. I am just like one of Pavlov’s dogs.
Every time he changes his tone like that, it’s like he’s tugging the chain around my neck, pulling me out of whatever hole I’m spiralling into.
With me caught deep in his stare, Carey slides his thumbs from my mouth, drags them down my chin and neck until his palms are pressed against me.
“You stay in here and talk to him as long as you need, okay?”
“Okay.”
I try to step back, but Carey grabs my waist and pulls me back in. “I love you, Tek.”
“You fucker, you said it first.”
“I’ve been saying it in my head for weeks.”
I smile and kiss him. It’s hot, and his lips are the sweetest they’ve ever tasted. When I try to pull away, Carey tugs me back in, deepening it for one more intoxicating moment before releasing me with a sly grin. “You don’t have to say it back.”
“But I want to.”
He shrugs. “Save it. Deal with this first. Talk to your brother, then we’ll figure out how to talk to mine.”