Chapter 20
Twenty
Two of a Kind
My brain is a tangled knot of questions I want to ask Big Wang but which I’m not sure how to broach.
Neither of us are very good at being open with our feelings and thoughts; I tend to bottle things up and impulsively blurt them out at the most inopportune time; Big Wang is the same, without the impulsive blurting.
There’s no easy answer. I settle into a chair in Yue Gui’s tidy office and stare at the tree outside the window while I wait for my call to connect.
A small green parakeet with a cherry-red beak appears on the windowsill then flutters down to one of the branches.
I look down and realise it’s the plum tree we passed earlier when Yue Gui took us through the courtyard.
The bronze joss urn now burns with a lively fire the colour of twilight, that glowing blue when the sun hovers just below the horizon – bright and deep with a hint of violet.
Having spent quite a lot of time with Da Ye in Custom House, I also know the colour indicates a communication with Hell.
A Custom House clerk is probably already running Yue Gui’s report over to Big Wang.
‘Wei? Little Jing?’ The telephone line distorts Big Wang’s voice; he sounds tinny and lacks his comforting rumble. ‘Are you hurt? What happened?’
My clothes are stained and torn. I’m glad he can’t see me. ‘I’m fine, though I think we’re all a bit shaken.’
I chew my lip, wanting to ask him about House Durand, the fulu, the outpost. All the things Big Wang kept from me. In the end, I take the coward’s way out.
‘I delivered Lord Aengus to his healer, Lady Brigid. She seems nice, though she gave him an earful as soon as she saw him.’
Big Wang chuckles. ‘I hope he is soon restored.’
The conversation judders to a standstill and we listen to the static coming down the wire. A second parakeet lands in the tree outside. I watch the two flit from branch to branch until Big Wang clears his throat.
‘Yue Gui sent a message when the train didn’t arrive and again when Mr Lee called to say where to pick you up.
She only said the train had been diverted and that you were with the vampires.
I’m waiting for’ – there’s a pause – ‘ah, here it is. I’ll read the report after our call.
I am glad you are not hurt, but please, tell me what happened. How are the vampires involved?’
I take a deep breath, fully intending to recount the hijack. But instead, I say, ‘Why didn’t you tell me there are vampires in Paris?’
The static stretches for so long I wonder if the line’s been cut. ‘Big Wang?’
‘I . . .’ he says, saying nothing at all.
The words flood out of me now. ‘You set up an outpost in Paris to gather intel on vampires. You had fulu made specifically to ward against them. One of them even came to yin Shanghai. All these things, you never thought I might want to know?’
The other end of the line remains silent.
Green wings flash as the parakeets chase each other through the leaves. I can’t tell if the one wants to be on the same branch as the other, or is driving the other off, or if they are just incredibly indecisive little birds.
Finally, he says, ‘I was afraid.’
His voice is so small. My chest goes tight at the knowledge I made him sound like that. Part of me wants to apologise, but another part refuses. He should have told me. Even so, I tamp down my impatience and gentle my voice.
‘What were you afraid of?’
He speaks quietly and I have to concentrate to catch all his words through the static.
‘Contain my selfishness, Little Jing. You’d just lost your mother when the French vampire came to yin Shanghai.
He was conceited and arrogant; you were so young and had suffered so much.
What if he had come to kidnap you? I didn’t want to expose you to yet more cruelty.
In order to protect you, to keep you safe, I needed to know more about your paternal side. I needed intel.’
‘So you created the outpost.’
‘Yes. And the fulu. By then you were in your teens. Your temper was prodigious.’
‘Understatement of the century.’
This elicits a soft chuckle. ‘By then I knew there was an entire community in Paris, but you were unpredictable and stubborn, only hearing what you wanted to hear and acting on whatever thought came into your head, no matter the consequences. We were constantly at odds; I worried that if I told you about them, the next time you had a tantrum you might well run away. I couldn’t bear the thought, so I kept putting it off.
I told myself: When she’s older. She’s not ready yet.
‘I sent you to anger management lessons to prepare for that day because I was convinced you’d hate me for keeping you in the dark.
Years turned into decades; before I knew it you came of age.
There was no reason now not to tell you; but I kept putting it off.
My justifications were weak even to my own ears.
A great rock would settle in my throat, stopper my words, when I tried to tell you about the vampires.
’ His voice breaks. ‘Your train would not have been hijacked if I’d told you about them.
If I’d sent the North Wind Division like I’d planned.
If I hadn’t been a coward. What did they want from you?
Were they . . .’ he pauses, his voice barely audible. ‘Were they kind to you?’
I blow out a long breath. He was right not to tell me when I was a teen; now at least I recognise when I make bad life choices, back then I had no such awareness and simply followed my impulses come what may.
His words return to me: When making decisions to protect someone, it’s not always clear if the path is the right one. You can only hope for the best.
Big Wang tried his best; I can’t ask for more than that.
‘Don’t blame yourself. They weren’t looking for me at all. I’ll explain, but you have to promise to listen calmly until I’m finished.’
Big Wang doesn’t reply.
‘Silence means consent, okay? There are two things you need to know. The first is that the train wasn’t exactly diverted .
. . the vampires hijacked it – REMEMBER YOUR PROMISE!
’ I shout over the noise at the other end.
When it quiets down again, I continue. ‘They were after Gigi, to petition her for help in overturning the Jade Emperor’s ban on vampires.
House Durand believes one of theirs went missing in the Middle Kingdom about a hundred years ago. ’
‘Mmmgh,’ he says.
‘The second thing you should know is that the missing vampire is my father.’
Another long silence as Big Wang fits the pieces of my past together. ‘The vampires in Paris, the Durands . . . they are your family?’
‘Yes.’
More noise on his end, crinkling paper. ‘I’m reading Yue Gui’s report,’ he says, voice gruff.
‘It’s an exciting story. Let me know when you’ve gotten to the part where the Durand matriarch rips off her chevalier’s head,’ I joke. ‘I should write my memoirs. It’ll be a great riposte to that Bram Stoker’s mean-spirited account.’
‘Do not leave the Manor!’ Big Wang bellows down the line.
It’s so loud and sudden, I nearly fall off my stool.
Shit sticks, I’m clearly not as funny as I think.
There’s a deafening scuff scuff bang scuff on Big Wang’s side of the line.
It sounds like he’s simultaneously scraping cardboard over the mouthpiece and throwing rocks at it.
Raised voices in the background are followed by Big Wang’s muffled bellow, Lord Ma!
Lord Nioh! Come now, immediately, at once!
‘Big Wang! It was a joke!’ I try to get his attention, but he’s too busy shouting.
More scuffing and banging, then Big Wang says, voice no longer muffled, ‘Do not leave until Lord Nioh and Lord Ma arrive. I will contact my colleagues from the Convention of Immortals to arrange a security force—’
‘Stop! Big Wang, please, stop! I was joking! JOKING! I didn’t mean to scare you. Mémère has no intention of harming me. You should have seen her – all she did was weep and pat my hand.’
The background noise quietens. ‘Little Jing, how can you be certain you are not in danger? You said this woman ripped the head off one of her own!’
Shame makes my voice tremble. ‘She did it because I asked.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I-I didn’t know my words would cost him his life.
I demanded recompense for Gigi and Ah Lang’s injuries.
’ Big Wang’s silence tells me he’s not convinced, so I try again.
‘If I were not who I am to her, then you’d be right.
But you need to understand how much she loves her son – my father – and how much guilt she carries over his disappearance.
Her last living link to him is me; I’m pretty sure the others will all agree with my assessment that she would rather die than see me harmed. ’
Big Wang’s exhale triggers my own sigh of relief. Another round of scuffing and banging is followed by a shout of Stand down. Return to your posts. I think the noise must be Big Wang’s rings knocking against the mouthpiece.
His voice crackles down the line. ‘I trust your judgement, Little Jing. I’m happy for you.
Contain my selfishness. I should have gone to meet them when I discovered there were vampires in Paris.
I should have asked them why they came to the Middle Kingdom instead of assuming they came to hurt you.
You might have had a loving family growing up. ’
His voice is so heavy my chest hurts. ‘Big Wang, I already have a loving family.’
‘Oh.’
It’s only one sound, not even a word, but it carries so much – surprise, pleasure, even a hint of bashfulness.
I smile and keep talking, so he doesn’t have to be embarrassed.
‘I do want to find out more about my heritage and it’s as if the Cosmos is showing me a Way. I am fortunate to have this chance.’
‘I see you’re taking Lord Black’s advice to heart.’ There’s a pause, and then Big Wang asks carefully, ‘How did Tony react to the vampires?’
Even though I know Tony and the others went upstairs, I still check the door is shut tight and lower my voice.
‘Honestly, I don’t know. He isn’t one to complain, though I’m sure it was really frightening. He’s mortal after all. I’ll have a chance to talk to him privately later.’ I perk up. ‘I learned something important: the Durand matriarch wasn’t always vampire. There is a way to make Tony immortal.’
‘Does Tony want that?’
My stomach sinks as I remember our argument. ‘He said he wants to stay mortal. That it’s part of him, like being vampire and hulijing is part of me.’
‘Tony is a very principled man, Jing. He likes order and predictability. It’s part of why hulijing unsettle him; they act on whim and desire. I can’t imagine he would look kindly on vampires after that beheading.’
‘He . . . he thinks it’s reassuring to know when he dies I’ll be there at the docks to greet him.’ A tear rolls down my cheek. ‘Big Wang, I can’t. I won’t. It’ll destroy me.’
Big Wang’s sigh echoes down the line. ‘It’s alright, Little Jing.
You won’t have to.’ He uses the same gentle tone from my first days in yin Shanghai, when I was a scared little whelp.
‘I won’t let that happen. But you must promise to talk this through with Tony thoroughly, so you both understand what is at stake.
Be honest, be patient, and trust him. The last thing he would ever do is hurt you. ’
Sniffling quietly I nod, then remember he can’t see me. ‘I promise,’ I say. ‘Big Wang?’
A pause. ‘Mmmgh?’
‘Would you – would you help me search for my father?’
This time the answer is immediate. ‘Of course, Little Jing.’
Afterwards, Yue Gui shows me to my room where they’ve prepared robes and other necessities to freshen up while we wait for the Jade Emperor’s response. As I watch Yue Gui walk away, hips swinging to unheard music, Tony emerges from the door next to mine.
We ought to talk about the fight we had, about the hijacking and his vulnerability, about the fact vampires can be made, and that my newfound family can tell me how.
But I’m physically tired and emotionally drained.
I don’t want to fight. What I want is his skin on mine, my lips on his, to forget where he ends and I begin so there is no room between us for stress or worry.
‘Stay with me in my room?’
‘It wouldn’t be proper for us to share,’ Tony says. ‘What would Big Wang think?’
‘He won’t think anything if we don’t tell him.’ I waggle my eyebrows, trying to charm him into mischief even though I know this is a battle I can’t win.
Tony abhors lying and is an utter shit-stick about propriety.
Without looking, I can guess the exact expression he’ll have smeared thick as lard across his face: horror at the thought of lying to Big Wang, indignation I would besmirch his integrity by even suggesting he could do so, and disappointment I would consider lying to get my way.
Still, I am very good at finding ways around rules. So I back slowly into my room, my eyes never leaving his. ‘Visiting isn’t against any rules, is it?’ I drag my gaze from his eyes down to his mouth and bite my bottom lip as want builds inside me.
His pupils blow wide. It’s all I need for a yes so I grab his collar and pull him into my room.
Between one step and the next though, I’m no longer leading him, he’s leading me.
With one spin, he pins me against the door, his long, lean body flush against mine, making my breath hitch and my insides shiver.
Long lashes sweep his cheeks as his gaze moves to my lips.
He leans in, movements excruciatingly slow, waiting for me to say yes.
I wrap my hands around his neck, close the remaining distance.
Yes, I say with my lips. Yesyesyes.