Chapter 43
Forty-Three
Choices
Back in the hulijing palace, Niang Niang said, They killed my Rey. Perhaps that was my punishment.
She was the one who hired the demon hunters who killed my mother.
I thought I would be furious, raging, but instead an overwhelming sadness washes over me.
No wonder my grandmother is such a toxic waste of space.
She did this to herself. I realise how prescient Tony was, not to choose a path of anger with Max.
He didn’t want to end up with this kind of self-destruction.
When the others emerge from the cave, red-eyed and sombre, I tell them about seeing my father and mother boarding a ghost ferry. That we have one more chance to see them, at Madame Meng’s tea house.
‘I can take us back,’ Lord Black says. ‘Unless you would like to try?’
‘Might as well practise, right?’ I say. ‘Maomao, would you like to join us?’
She’s back in her fox form and leaps into Lord Aengus’s arms. I take that as a yes. Carefully visualising the docks of yin Shanghai, I blink. Nothing happens. I try again. My head spins and I stumble. Lord Black grabs my arm, keeps me from falling.
He peers closely at me, then says. ‘I should have realised how drained you are. You need rest before you attempt to shift realms again. Allow me.’
As before, Lord Black dips his chin and the forest disappears, replaced by the docks of yin Shanghai. This time Tony and Lord Aengus manage to stay upright.
‘Since it’s afternoon, we’ll have to wait until tomorrow for the next round of ferries to arrive,’ Lord Black says. ‘I shall update Big Wang.’ He dips his chin and disappears.
Lord Aengus takes Maomao sightseeing while we head back to the hotel.
I think about reminding Lord Aengus to be sensible, but something tells me that Maomao isn’t the silly sort.
Back in the lobby, Max intercepts Tony. Alarmed, I’m about to join them but Marianne puts a hand on my arm. Quietly, she translates for me.
Max says, ‘Tony, could I have a word?’
Tony regards him with a wary gaze, and nods.
‘I know nothing can ever undo my mistakes, and I don’t expect you to forgive me.
However, I have to express my deepest gratitude for your kindness and mercy.
If not for you, I would not have been able to be here, to support my grandmother and sister.
I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye to my father, nor have this once in a lifetime chance to speak with his soul.
I don’t know how to ever repay you, but I will dedicate the rest of my existence to bettering myself, to learning right from wrong and to doing everything in my power to help you live your new life to its fullest.’ Max bows.
Tony seems genuinely surprised by Max’s emotional confession. He watches Max join his grandmother in the waiting lift. Once the lift doors close, he heads to the lift himself.
‘That was rather satisfying,’ Marianne says. ‘Didn’t Big Wang say he wanted us to have a reunion dinner? You’ll have all your family together.’
I smile, but then Tony’s words float back to me.
In time I would regret my selfishness. Tony knows right from wrong, and his choices directly affected Max; in fact, his actions helped Max change for the better.
While I know it would be futile to expect Niang Niang to change, I still need to do what’s right.
‘Marianne, I’ve got to go back to speak to Niang Niang.’
‘I’ll come with you—’
‘Do you have a death wish?’ Tony strides to my side, interrupting Marianne.
Startled by his sudden appearance, I point at my chest, meaning to ask him if he’s talking to me, but all that comes out is a dazed, ‘Hah?’
‘You can’t go back there,’ he says. ‘She’ll kill you.’
I look over my shoulder. There’s no one behind me.
My heart stutters. He is speaking to me.
He’s not bleeding resentment from every pore.
When was the last time he looked at me without all the baggage from that night?
I try to remember. Maybe my first taste of absinthe? He’d flashed me a double-dimpled grin.
‘Jing!’ His sharp tone snaps me back to the here and now. ‘It’s not funny. She will kill you. Don’t go.’
I quickly rearrange my face and focus on his words. He’s worried. About me. I suppress the surge of joy that threatens my mahjong face. ‘I have to. And I’m pretty confident she won’t hurt me this time.’
‘What is wrong with you? Have you no sense of self-preservation? You look awful—’
Marianne gasps at Tony’s blunt and, frankly, rude assessment.
I cut in. ‘So sorry I’m not looking my fabulous self.’ I flick my hair over my shoulder. ‘Funny how finding my tortured father’s remains makes me not give a rotted shit about my appearance.’
He pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘That’s not what I meant. Is it true that the whole way home you ate almost nothing apart from two baguettes? Or that you haven’t drunk a drop of blood since we left Paris?’
‘Who told you that?’ It was three baguettes, actually. With butter.
Marianne quietly slinks away, giving us privacy.
‘Ah Lang,’ he says. ‘But that’s not the point. You don’t even have the energy to shift realms, so how can you protect yourself if she attacks?’ He shakes his head, exasperated. ‘Why are you smiling? Is this some big joke?’
Because you care. ‘No, of course it’s not a joke,’ I say.
‘I was just thinking of what you said before. Satiating a personal grudge is a pleasure that never lasts. I doubt I’ll ever forgive her for what she did, but she is my mother’s mother.
It’s not right for me to take away their chance to say goodbye.
I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror and spend my life regretting. ’
My refusal agitates him. ‘What about me? My life?’
‘I am sorry I took away your choice. But I can’t regret the fact that you are standing here before me, still blazing with life. Do you regret being alive? Is being vampire so awful?’
His expression shutters.
‘The thing is, I’m vampire, and I enjoy life just fine.
Selfish and abhorrent I may be, but it doesn’t negate the fact that I feel.
Stars and sunrises make my heart sing. I love and grieve and hate.
Max, for all his faults, cherishes his existence.
You can hate me, blame me, leave me even.
I’ll never hold it against you. But, Tony, don’t waste this precious second chance you’ve been given.
Live your best life. That’s all I want for you. ’
I offer him a sincere smile as I visualise the details of Niang Niang’s Hall of Preserved Harmony and blink.
Tony Lee gapes at the empty space where Lady Jing stood just seconds ago. Emotions flicker across his face – shock, frustration, remorse, confusion. Lord Black strolls towards him.
‘I see Lady Jing has managed to use her dragon pearl,’ the dragon king says.
Tony Lee rounds on him, concern turning to anger. ‘Why didn’t you go with her?’
Disrespectful. But the dragon king merely raises an eyebrow and asks mildly, ‘Why didn’t you?’
Tony Lee doesn’t answer.
‘I normally do not concern myself with mortal—’ – the dragon king corrects himself – ‘non-Celestial affairs, but I am particularly fond of the little fox and do not enjoy seeing her suffer. So I will offer you my wisdom, Tony Lee. In life, there are choices and there are choices. Some are bounded by social mores, dictated by our beliefs and principles. These are choices between black or white, right or wrong. A maze, where sometimes you can see where your choice leads; sometimes it is a surprise, pleasant or otherwise. However, some choices are not a choice at all but a commandment, one which the heart will not suffer to be ignored.’ The dragon king tilts his head, observes Tony Lee with an uncanny gaze.
‘Last year, when the hulijing matriarch nearly killed you, Lady Jing was ready to forfeit her life so that yours would be spared. She gave no thought to the fact that your mortal life is but a single blink of an eye in the vast span of her immortal years. Whatever the cost, she was ready to pay because you are and remain the first and most important commandment in her heart. Apart from what you have already observed yourself – her loss of appetite, her inability to drink blood, both of which endanger her well-being – what else has she agreed to pay to save you this time?’ Lord Black’s expression remains mild but his gaze burns with rage and warning. Then he dips his chin and is gone.
Foreboding wraps around Tony’s heart like a heavy chain as he realises he should have insisted on accompanying her to Turquoise Hills and wonders what on earth she used to barter for his life.