Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Finch
I wasn’t prepared for this. Not at all. What I’d thought was confidence was now so obviously foolish arrogance.
I’d thought we could keep it casual. That I could sleep with someone as beautiful and funny and kind and warm and sexy and exciting and world-rearranging as Frankie and still not catch feelings.
I laughed to myself as I filled a syringe of antibiotics, going through the motions like a practiced dance.
What had I been thinking?
I’d been the one adamant that she not develop any feelings, but after a week with her, I was starting to recalibrate my entire belief system about relationships.
I shook out my arms and slapped my cheek.
“No,” I growled at myself.
I couldn’t do this. Not to either of us. I was just deliriously exhausted, that was all. So many hours I’d spent sneaking downstairs in between heavenly bouts of sex to feed Cranky in the night. I didn’t think I’d gotten more than a single hour in a row in a long, long time, and I knew that couldn’t be good.
“Look who’s so smug,” Hawk said with a laugh as he appeared in the doorway. “Things going well with Frankie then I take it?”
“Knock,” I snapped.
“What?”
“You didn’t knock.”
“Well, I’m in here now.” I tipped my head back to the door as I capped the syringe. Hawk huffed. “You’re seriously not going to talk to me until I knock?”
“It’s a new rule I’ve instituted of late,” I said, thinking of the way Crane had barged in the other morning. “And I’m very strict about reinforcing it.”
Hawk chuckled. “This is about what Crane said in the group chat, huh?”
“Yep.”
“Still not as embarrassing as what happened to Hannah and me last summer.”
“Accurate.”
“So—”
“Nope.” I jutted my chin toward the door. “Knock first.”
From my periphery, I watched as my older brother rolled his eyes and walked out the door, pulling it shut behind him and waiting a beat before knocking.
He knocked again. I didn’t reply. He knocked louder. I ignored it.
My radio scratched to life. “Carnivores to Vet team.”
“Creative.” I chuckled and picked up my radio, looking at my brother glaring at me through the treatment room window as I said, “Vet team, go ahead.”
“Will you please say ‘come in’ so I can carry on with my very busy work day?”
I laughed and set the radio down. “Come in.”
“Thank you,” Hawk said as he reentered the room.
“No problem, thanks for knocking,” I said smugly, passing him the syringe. “For Ptolemy. Keep an eye on that wound. If he doesn’t stop licking it or it starts looking infected, we’re going to have to dart him, and that’s the last thing either of us need right now.”
“Agreed,” Hawk said. “I’ve got tickets to this Broadway show for Hannah’s and my anniversary and—” I mock gagged, and Hawk bristled. “You are in a relationship too. Need I remind you?”
“Yeah, I know. Just not as cringey, sappy sweet as you two.”
Hawk leaned into me and whispered, “Your girlfriend just asked you to teach her how to go down on you while the two of you were having an office picnic. That is vomit level inducing sweet too.”
I stared at him flatly. “I would very much like to go back to five minutes ago when you were standing on the other side of that door.”
Hawk snickered. “You get used to it.”
“Used to what?”
“Being in a relationship,” he said. “After a while, you stop really caring what other people think. I don’t. I’m happy. Like, ‘feel like I won the jackpot every fucking night’ kind of happy, and I know it sounds sappy,” he cut me off, already knowing exactly what I would say, “but I don’t care because until I met Hannah, I really didn’t think it was possible to feel this way.”
“You’ve made your point,” I muttered.
Hawk clapped me on the shoulder. “It’s probably going to be even worse for you since this is like, your first ever actual relationship,” he added with a chuckle. “I look forward to it.”
I shrugged off his hand on my shoulder. “So how long will you be gone in New York?”
“Just two nights,” he said.
“Just?” I scoffed. “You would’ve never done this two years ago.”
“I’m not the same me as two years ago,” he countered. “Crane is going to cover my animals. He’s been angling to do more carnivore work, anyway. And Mom and Aya are pitching in. Wren’s taking Hannah’s schedule since she’s been doing it since she was like seven. And the summer volunteers this year are surprisingly useful and abundant thanks to Hannah’s article last year. We’ve got all our bases covered.”
“Sounds like it.”
“You and Frankie should take a weekend off?—”
“That’s not going to happen,” I cut in. “At least not until the off season.”
“Why not?”
“Because unlike you ”—I shoved the tiger’s file and dosage instructions at Hawk—“there’s only one vet here and none of you can cover my shifts.”
Hawk gave me that brotherly look like he wanted to give me a dead-arm punch. I angled my body away just in case.
“The rest of us can take care of the animals in the ward just fine,” he said, annoyed. “And we can reschedule any nonessential surgeries. You know, some baboons don’t ever have their teeth cleaned, let alone annually.”
I gave him a stern look. “We take care of our animals better than they’d live in the wild. I have a duty of care and I won’t delay it to go watch a Broadway show.”
Hawk’s smile softened and he shook his head. “You look happy, Finch, but exhausted,” he added quickly. “And it’s going to break you if you never rest or take a day off. The zoo is ours; no one is buying it out from under us anymore. We have the most money in the bank we’ve ever had, plans for expansions, off-season deals. Hell, we even have a movie shooting here in the spring. Things are good. We don’t have to keep living like there’s an emergency around every corner. The adrenaline crash is going to kill you.”
I let out a long breath through my nose. He wasn’t the first person in our family to tell me that. Even Lark had been up my ass about slowing down, the traitor.
I really wanted to slap someone and settled on my older brother, but Hawk anticipated the move and dodged out of the way. “Maybe if you took a break every once in a while, you’d have quicker reflexes.”
My nostrils flared. He didn’t have the slightest clue what it took to live my life and I wasn’t about to share it with him. Everyone thought I was this fun-loving party animal. They had no idea of how much weight was truly on my shoulders.
“Well, you’ve got one thing right, bro,” I said, forcing my patented Finch smile.
“What’s that?”
“I’m happy,” I said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m taking Frankie to the Holloways’ pool for a restful afternoon.”
He smiled at that and stepped back to make way for me to pass. “I’m glad. Have fun.”
“Oh, I will,” I gritted out. “Keep an eye on that sore. Text me if anything changes.”
I shouldered my way past him and out into the hall, still fuming.