Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
Finch
Another year. Another fucking zoo gala.
And this year in particular, I really wasn’t in the mood. I donned my navy suit, the same one I’d worn to the yacht party with Frankie. I didn’t even want to put it on, as if the fabric were still infused with the memories of us. I owned two suits—one for events and one for funerals—and wearing my funeral suit felt a little too on the nose. I was mourning the death of a friendship and possibly something more. I was mourning the death of that brief blip of happiness too, so careless to squander it. Some things just weren’t appreciated until they were gone.
I paired my suit this time with a skinny tie and shined brown dress shoes that matched my belt. When I opened my dresser drawer to grab my watch, I was careful to avoid the box that held the pocket square from Frankie. How pathetic was I that I couldn’t even touch it.
I put myself together as best I could, not relishing in the opportunity to dress up like I usually did. The annual gala required more effort than a normal party. It was one of our biggest fundraising events of the year, one when we’d dazzle all of the island’s rich summer residents and show them cute baby animals to goad them into opening their wallets. We relied on the whole Lachlan family showing up in force for this one night. I couldn’t let everyone down . . . well, at least not more than I already had.
When I left the apartment, I put on my best Finch swagger, schmoosing with guests as they wandered up the mason jar lit path to the Peckish Peacock. I always had ten anecdotes in my back pocket for such occasions, but the delivery was far more strained than usual. I was grateful when I got up the hill to the reception area. My siblings were all on form at least, milling about and chatting up the rich patrons. Crane carried around a blue-tongued skink. Heron was showing off our sulfur-crested cockatoo, flying her over the coiffed heads of the guests. Mom was moving from guest to guest, shaking hands and taking photos as if she were a celebrity, her smile extra wide. When the crowd parted around Dove, I saw that she sat on a stool holding Ron by the chest as guests took turns stroking a hand down his eager neck. It took everything within me not to burst into tears at the sight of him.
I grabbed a glass of wine from a passing tray and drank it back in a single gulp. I needed to get my shit together, but my mind was far from the event. Every tray of food that passed by made me wince. I knew how much thought and time Frankie had put into this carefully curated menu.
I stuck to the far edge of the party, only chatting with people who spotted me. I was keeping my distance from the Peacock, and from Frankie, trying to give her space and not step on her toes during this important event. It had been three days since I’d spoken to her, and it felt like a tortuous eternity. She was probably behind the scenes supervising the waitstaff, which meant we shouldn’t awkwardly bump into each other. But I still found my eyes searching the crowd anyway, desperate to find her amongst the throng of rich patrons.
“You know,” Hawk said, sidling up to me with Hannah on his arm. “We wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to sit this one out.”
I swapped my empty wine glass for a full one as I rolled my eyes. “I’m fine.”
“It’s just, things between you and Frankie seem kind of tense,” he hedged. “We know she moved back into the Salty Dog and . . .” I shot my brother an “I’ll kill you” look and he held up his hands in defense, taking a half-step behind Hannah because he knew I wouldn’t smack her. “Alright.”
“The food is amazing,” Hannah added, not-so-subtly moving the stilted conversation onward. She snagged a miniature quiche from a passing tray and shoving the whole thing in her mouth. Hawk grinned at her like the action was adorable, the insufferable oaf. “Oh, sorry,” Hannah said as if catching herself. “I didn’t mean to mention Frankie.”
I shot her a sideways look. “You hadn’t until now.”
“Well, the catering was done by her,” Hannah amended. “So good food to the head chef to Frankie to you is only like a few degrees of separation, and I’m going to stop talking now.”
“Seriously, you two, it’s fine,” I muttered.
“So you wouldn’t mind bumping into her at this event?” Hawk asked, and it was clear he already knew the answer.
“Nope.”
“Good ‘cuz there she is,” Hawk said, tipping his head across the crowd.
If I had more willpower, I wouldn’t have looked, but no sooner could I have stopped the world from spinning. I spotted her instantly and the force of seeing her collided into me like a zebra kick to the gut. She looked gorgeous in a glittering champagne dress, sweetheart neckline with draped half sleeves. Her hair was pinned back off her face in a chic bun, highlighting her diamond chandelier earrings. She looked like a model, like a queen. The world around her faded into shadows until she was all I could see. It felt like my soul was ripping away from my body, reaching out to her, but I didn’t move, like my mind was screaming for her to look my way, but I remained silent.
“Wow,” Hannah said, giving voice to my own thoughts. Her jaw dropped open as she appreciatively took Frankie in. “She looks amazing. Damn.”
I watched as Frankie took a dainty swig from her glass of wine. Her glittering gaze searched to and fro. Was she looking for me? There was a pinch of concern in those smoky eyes. Did she want to see me, or was she afraid to?
I felt torn in two directions, unsure if I should go to her or retreat away. This was her night. Her catering was truly the star of the show, pulling the whole event together. She deserved to be in her element. An elderly couple approached her, and I could tell from Frankie’s reaction that they were complimenting her on the food. The concern in her expression faded and she morphed into that beaming, confident person so few rarely got to see. It made everything in me ache that she’d shown that side to me before anyone else.
I took a step forward then lurched to a stop. No, I couldn’t ruin this night for her. I couldn’t ruin one more thing in her life.
I cleared my throat. “I’m going to offer to take the Holloways on a tour of the new savannah walkthrough,” I said, clapping my brother on the shoulder.
He looked at me curiously for a second, and I knew he was going to ask something taunting, like why I didn’t go talk to my gorgeous girlfriend, but Hannah came to my rescue.
“Come on, dance with me,” she said to Hawk, tugging him away before he could question me.
“Thank you,” I mouthed to her and turned to find a quiet place to hide.
But as I turned, I saw a crumpled flash of white shirt, my eyes tracking the fast walker, and when I recognized who he was, I started moving before I could stop myself.