Prologue
I swear to you this: I will find you, Elsie Farrow. And you will be mine.
- Julian Vallen
Before I dropped out of high school, my favorite subject was surprisingly science.
I liked how elements acted in predictable ways, how everyday occurrences were like magical marvels.
It fascinated me, and I spent a lot of my free time—what little of it I had—in my room curled underneath my duvet, reading nonfiction science books.
Maybe in another life, I would have gone to college for it. But I liked the way mine turned out.
For a few weeks, I was in a huge astronomy phase.
This was when I was slowly starting to realize that my relationship with my mother was not only toxic, but emotionally abusive as well.
I liked knowing that I could look up in the sky and take comfort with little balls of light that contained entire worlds—worlds far, far away from mine.
One time, I read about this phenomenon called neutron star collisions.
Two neutron stars in a system together could get caught in each other’s gravitational waves, causing them to circle each other.
As they spiraled faster and faster, gravity would force the stars to merge, colliding at almost the speed of light.
The resulting explosion had the power to either form a black hole or a larger neutron star.
But no matter what, the light from the gamma rays had the power to bring worlds to their knees.
That was what it was like when Julian kissed me. A neutron star collision.
We were two stars pulled into each other’s gravity fifteen years ago, circling and circling and circling, thinking we were never going to collide. But tonight, thanks to a little bravery on my part and a lot of whiskey, we were.
And I hadn’t yet figured out whether this would result in my love for him turning into a black hole that enveloped everything in darkness or a star larger than ever.
Julian smashed me against the wall, his hands already flying to my back, fumbling with the bra hook. “Fuck,” he said, his voice slurring a little. “How do you get this off?”
“Let me.”
I pushed him back, much to his clear annoyance, and undid the bra before slipping my soaked panties down my legs.
Julian quickly followed my lead, throwing his boxers across the bedroom.
His cock looked like it was throbbingly hard, so large that my mouth watered again.
I wanted to run my tongue along the veins, taste the bit of dried precum on the reddish tip.
But I couldn’t, because that would delay him getting inside me, and I couldn’t wait any longer.
And apparently neither could he, because his lips were consuming me again in a frantic rhythm, licking and sucking and biting mine. He devoured me like I was his last meal—and, in a way, I was.
Because this was a goodbye. I couldn’t let myself forget that. In the morning, he would be here, regretting all of this, and I would be far away, ready to start my new life.
That’s all this was. A goodbye.
But it was hard to think about while Julian was palming one of my breasts, stroking the underside before rolling the nipple between his fingers. Goosebumps traveled along my spine from his tongue.
My arms gripped onto his broad shoulders just as Julian thrust his pelvis into mine, sending shockwaves that spread throughout my entire body. His hard erection rubbed against my clit while his lips kissed their way down my jaw.
“Julian,” I whimpered. “Please.”
Within half a second, Julian Vallen was buried inside of me. He groaned as he thrust all the way, both of us too eager to take it slow. I gasped at the fullness. My hands flew to his shoulders while my legs wrapped around my waist, allowing him to thrust deeper, harder.
The world shook. Two neutron stars had finally collided.
And soon, I would have to deal with the black hole.