1. Chapter 1 #2
“You said that I was your mate.” Arlo gazes up at me, wetting his soft-looking lower lip. “Did you mean that?”
We’re so close. All I can smell is the ocean.
My heart leaps in my chest.
My mate.
Arlo is my mate.
But—No. I had a mate. One I loved. One I chose myself.
I promised Leif that I would never forget him.
I don’t deserve the promise of forever in his scent. I forfeited that right the moment I let my mate and child die.
With a gasp, Arlo falls from my arms. I stumble back, trying to breathe as my heart shatters. “No,” I croak. “I have no mate. Not anymore.”
The hurt that twists Arlo’s face will haunt me until the day I die.
I turn away, unable to bear the sight of the pain I’ve caused, and run into the woods. My fur comes to life as my wolf roars in my soul, trying to make me turn around. I want to give in. To let the beast possess me and do whatever he wants. And gods, he wants Arlo. Needs him.
Tearing the gray fur cloak from my back, I leave it in the dirt and run.
For a time, things quiet down.
Anders goes to live with his mate in the future.
Wulfric and Kieran govern the pack and make sure everyone’s healthy and happy.
I stop in at the longhouse from time to time just so they know I’m still alive, but most of the time, I’m at my cabin on the outskirts of town.
It’s close enough that I have a view of the town below the mountain, but far enough away that I can be alone.
Far enough that no one hears me when I wake in the night snarling, claws gouging into the bedding. No one’s there to witness when I wake at night in the middle of the woods, fully shifted and with no memory of how I got there.
Day by day, the berserker grows angrier and more restless.
I know what he wants, what he needs.
Our mate.
I see him in my dreams.
Arlo.
In my dreams, I don’t let him fall from my arms. Sometimes I scoop him up and carry him to this very cabin.
He gives himself to me, crying out with pleasure as I take him again and again.
I wake from those dreams gasping, my undergarments soaked with my sweat, fangs sharp in my mouth and itching to bite, to claim.
I dream we’re roaming the woods together, his hand in mine.
He’s smiling at me in a way I never thought I could be smiled at again.
Like I’m cherished. Loved. I want to stay in that moment with him forever.
But I wake alone, eyes wet and a lump in my throat.
He will never look at me with such tenderness.
I will lose my mind in this cabin, alone. It’s a fate I thought I’d accepted until Arlo fell into my arms.
The seashell is smooth in my palm, smelling faintly of the sea.
I set it up on my shelf, adding to the growing collection of shells.
Slowly but surely the scent of the ocean fills my cabin, stronger each day with every trinket I pull from the sea.
Being out on the water, surrounded by the salty smell of the sea, helps calm my berserker.
Having that scent, his scent, all around me soothes me like nothing else has.
If I close my eyes, I can imagine he’s here in my home. Mayhap cooking at the pot over the fire, or curled up in my bed, or outside feeding the goats and chickens.
I take the shell from the shelf and hold it to my nose, breathing in deep.
Gods, what’s become of me?
The bond that connects me to Wulfric lights up in my chest. “Come to the longhouse as soon as possible.”
My heart sinks like a stone flung out into the sea.
Wulfric and Kieran were at the longhouse the last I saw. Helga was with them. Anders and Jamie are in Jamie’s timeline, mingling with humans, of all things.
Lyall. Could something have happened to him?
He’s been visiting Anders and Jamie more often.
He’s always had a soft spot for humans, fool that he is.
He went and fell for Soren, a human. Then again, we all trusted Soren.
But it would be just like Lyall to go about befriending humans. What if he’s gotten himself in danger?
My berserker snarls in my soul, making my fangs and nails sharpen.
“Is everything all right?” I ask.
Surely I would have felt if any of my family were injured?
“Aye, but we need to talk,” Wulfric responds.
It’s unsettling, but better than anyone being hurt.
I throw on my furs and shift, barreling through the door and out into the cold. My farm animals don’t spare me a glance. They know I’d never harm them in this form. Once I’m in town, I shift back so none of my pack lectures me for being in my wolf form.
Inside the longhouse, Wulfric and Kieran sit at the table.
Aunt Helga sits by the fire, weaving a basket. “Good evening, lad.”
“Auntie.” I stop by the fire to give her a kiss on the cheek, then face my younger brother and Kieran. “Now, what’s all this about?”
Wulfric sighs through his nose. Kieran gives his shoulder an encouraging rub. “Lyall has been sneaking about.”
“Because you let him,” I say, sharper than I mean to. “We all know he’s soft for humans.”
Wulfric’s stare hardens. “He has approval to travel between timelines. It is not my place to stop him.”
“Mayhap you should,” I snap. “He could get himself in trouble!”
Helga clears her throat. “Hold your horses, lads. Let us wait and hear from the boy himself before making our own conclusions, aye?”
It’s too late now. My berserker is agitated just imagining Lyall around humans. I understand his wish to visit Anders. But what if that isn’t all he’s doing?
“It’s only right to be worried for him. Unless you’ve all forgotten what happened the last time he trusted a human?”
Kieran whips around to face me. “Would you cool it, man? That wasn’t Lyall’s fault.”
Wulfric says, “Enough. He’s coming. I will speak to him first.” He walks out to greet Lyall. I fidget, fighting the urge to listen in on their conversation.
Lyall walks in with Wulfric and I bite my tongue while he and Kieran exchange greetings.
“Where have you been?” I ask as soon as Lyall’s done speaking.
Lyall doesn’t respond.
“Answer me.”
He flinches, and I make myself take in a slow, deep breath. “I was visiting Anders and Jamie.”
“All day?”
Lyall folds his arms. “Aye. I can go where I please, with whoever I please.”
“You spend too much time there. Have you forgotten they live among humans? What if they find out who you are?”
“Anders lives there. I never hear you pestering him about safety. If I were you, I’d worry about yourself, brother. Have you looked in a mirror as of late?”
Damn it, he has a point, but what would he have me do? Break my vow to Leif? “It isn’t safe for you to be there. If anything were to happen to you—”
“Worry about yourself!” Lyall’s shout fills the house.
Wulfric clears his throat. “Lyall, we only want to make sure that you’re safe. That’s all. Besides, Helga misses you at dinner, and we need you during hunts.”
Lyall sighs and averts his gaze like a kicked pup. “Apologies.”
“It’s all right,” Wulfric says, but no, it damn well is not. “You’re welcome to visit Anders, but remember your responsibilities here. Aye?”
“Don’t be a fool, Wulfric. It’s not Anders he’s seeing. It’s someone else.”
It was just a guess, but when panic spikes Lyall’s scent, my fears are confirmed.
He’s keeping something from us. Why?
“It’s none of your business, Gunnar. Mind yourself, not me.”
My brother has never lied before. What is he doing in Jamie’s time? With whom is he meeting? My jaws snap together as the berserker stirs, hungry for blood.
“Who is it? Who are you seeing? Are they safe?” I close in on him. The fur on my shoulders writhes and comes to life, crawling down my arms. Whoever this person is, they will not hurt my brother. I will not let them!
“I am safe, Gunnar.”
My heart races as memories flood my mind.
“Are you? Because the last time you thought that, our father was killed, Leif and—and Bjorn. They were—” A lump aches in my throat, and Lyall becomes a blur through my eyes.
Gods. I can’t lose anyone else in my pack.
I’ll do anything, whatever it takes, to keep them all safe, no matter the consequences.
Lyall’s lips tremble and he presses them into a tight line. “You blame me.”
I shake my head. “No. Never you. I blame him.” Fury surges through me at the very thought of that traitorous scum.
“Is it him? Are you seeing him?” I seize his shirt, claws tearing at the fabric.
Soren tricked him and betrayed him. I will never let him take advantage of my brother’s trusting nature again!
“Gunnar, that’s enough!” Wulfric snaps.
Lyall’s eyes fill with terror, and he shoves me away from him. “You want to know who I’m seeing? It’s—it’s Arlo.”
I must have misheard.
Lyall could not possibly mean that.
He would never betray me in such a way.
“I just… I assumed that since you did not want him, that it was all right if I did,” Lyall rattles on, but my ears are ringing.
Lyall. And Arlo.
He’s courting my mate.
Arlo is letting him.
Gods, no.
How could Lyall do this to me?
This is all my fault.
Why did I reject him?
If I hadn’t rejected Arlo, he wouldn’t have—we would be—
But I did.
I did this.
I pushed him away. Rejected him in front of my whole pack.
I made my choice, and these are the consequences.
“I see.” My voice comes out flat.
Lyall swallows. It’s loud in the quiet. “Have I offended you?”
My shoulders jerk. “The witch is not mine. Do as you like with him.”
“Gunnar, he’s your—”
“He’s nothing to me!” The windows rattle with the force of my rage and pain.
It doesn’t matter. Arlo is not mine. Will never be mine.
It’s better this way. I made a vow, and I will uphold it until I am but ash amongst the ruins of my ship.
“My mate, the one I chose… he’s gone.”
“Brother—” Lyall reaches for me, and I know if I do not leave now, I will crumple into his arms and break in a way I haven’t in years.
I shove past him and out into the night before my tears have a chance to fall.