Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
Shawn and I broke up before the end of the first semester in college.
We constantly fought, so we concluded that the relationship was what caused issues between us.
Not entirely, though. We went back to being friends with benefits, like when we were in high school.
I figured once we worked through our issues, we’d find our way back to one another. I couldn’t imagine truly losing him.
I distanced myself from my mom and Andrés when I left for college, so Shawn invited me to spend the holidays with his family. I decided to stay back at school. I loved his family, but I couldn’t imagine going back to the same neighborhood I struggled to escape from.
The nightmares didn’t stop when I moved away from Andrés. And even though I had Shawn, I was isolated and didn’t know how to make my own friends. I figured my trauma would be aimed at mistrusting men, but apparently, I had issues trusting anyone.
I had fallen asleep and was awoken by the door opening. “What time is it?” I asked Shawn as he entered our room.
He set his bag next to his desk, which was in front of our joined beds.
We’d been too lazy to move them back since officially breaking up.
I had the time over winter break, but something was reassuring about having him close at night.
Even if that meant I ended up in his bed after being awoken from yet another nightmare.
“It’s barely eight.” He plopped himself on his bed.
I turned to my side, facing him. “How was your break?”
His lips turned up in a grin. “Really good, actually.” He paused. “I have to tell you something.” His expression looked somber.
Anxiety attached itself to my gut. “Good or bad, because your expression is confusing?”
He flipped so he was on his back, staring at the ceiling. “I met someone.”
“You met someone back home in the two weeks that you’ve been gone?” I questioned.
“Not exactly,” he started, “she goes here and is in a few of my classes. We ended up meeting up while we were both back home and hit it off.”
I told myself I wasn’t jealous, because I knew he couldn’t continue comforting and taking care of me forever. Could we even continue being roommates if he was in a relationship? “So, is it serious or is it like how you are with me?”
He swiftly turned his head toward me. “What do you mean by that? How am I with you?”
I picked at my nail cuticles. “Like how we still hook up and go out to dinners, but we’re just friends.”
He stood up from his bed and paced the room.
I sat up in bed and hugged my knees to my chest. “You’re my best friend, Serenity.
You have been since I met you when we were twelve years old.
I do love you, but that love never quite turned romantic.
I thought it could, but we both agreed it wasn’t working.
So, it’s not like how it was with us. I really like her.
” He took a breath. When I didn’t say anything, he continued, “I asked her to be my girlfriend.”
My eyes cast low, tears gathering. How did it go from him meeting someone over break to being in a whole-ass relationship?
“Does she know you still live with your ex?” I snapped.
How could he leave for two weeks and come back with a girlfriend, expecting me to be okay?
Yes, we both agreed not to be together, but we were still acting as if we were up until he left on his trip.
“She knows I live with my best friend, who happens to be a girl.” He sat back on the bed and put his face in his hands. “I already know what you’re going to say, so save it.”
“What is it you think I’m going to say?” I argued.
“That I shouldn’t have lied. That if she knew the truth, she wouldn’t have wanted to be with me, or that she would make me choose. You’re my best friend, and she’s my girlfriend; can’t it be that simple?”
I rolled my eyes at his simplistic thinking.
“We’re teenage girls, Shawn. The second she is around us and sees for herself how comfortable we are together; she’s going to have some feelings about it.
She’s not going to like you living with me, even if she said she was.
Or maybe she is that understanding, but I have my doubts. ”
“How could you possibly have doubts when you don’t even know her!” he yelled.
“First off, you’re not going to sit there and yell at me, so bring it down a notch. Secondly, you’re right. Let’s plan a dinner together, and then we can figure it out from there. Deal?”
“Fine. I’m going to go take a shower.” He left the room, slamming the door behind him.
I threw myself back down on my bed, covering my face with a pillow, and lightly yelled into it. This year was not starting on a good note.
Shawn walked back into the room after his shower, continuing to unpack from his trip. “She can have dinner tonight, if you’re up for it.”
“Tonight?” I asked with surprise. We literally talked about it fifteen minutes ago.
“No better time than the present. We drove back up together because she doesn’t have a car, so we had already talked about getting together. Since you had the idea, I thought we would jump on it before we get too busy with school.” He avoided my gaze as he continued unpacking.
“Okay, sure. Text me where to meet you. I’m going to go run some errands.” I grabbed my purse from my desk chair and left without saying goodbye.
I watched the sunset from the town square when Shawn texted.
Shawn
Want to meet us at Woody’s downtown?
I sent him a thumbs-up and headed to the restaurant, which had the best burgers in town. They were already standing in front when I arrived. I watched them together, but the sting of jealousy never came.
“Hey guys.” I lifted my hand in a low wave. Could I be any more lame?
“Hey,” Shawn said, “I put our name down already, so we’re just waiting for a table.” I nodded. “This is my girlfriend, Jill. Jill, this is my best friend, Serenity.”
“That’s such a pretty name,” Jill said. “Mine is short for Jilian, but please call me Jill. So nice to meet you.” She extended her hand out for me to shake.
I took her hand in mine and shook lightly. She was sweet, and I could tell I had my resting bitch face on by Shawn’s expression. “Great to meet you, too,” I finally said. “Shawn said you’re a student here. What are you majoring in?”
“I’m majoring in Software Engineering; I hope to design video games someday. What about you?”
“That must be how you all met. I’m studying Marketing.
I want to work in a book-related field and then maybe transition to having my own bookstore someday.
” I shifted from one foot to the next, racing thoughts piercing in about what the future held.
Luckily, before we could continue, the host called for Shawn, indicating our table was ready.
I followed swiftly behind the new happy couple, holding hands.
We took our seats, and I buried my face in the menu. “Opening up your own business can be hard; you’re very courageous for taking on that path.” I couldn’t help but take her comment as patronizing. She probably didn’t mean it to come out that way, but it still felt like a dig, nonetheless.
“I’m sure when the time comes, I’ll figure it all out,” I said with a flat tone.
Shawn shot me a stern expression. I wasn’t trying to be intentionally mean to her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way, but even he could tell that her comment was unnecessary, right?
“So aside from school, what are you into?” she asked, changing the subject.
“I mostly read when I have the free time to do so. I lost some of my love for reading now that I read so much for school. Shawn and I are music buffs too, so we go to local shows.”
Jill’s smile slowly fell. “You two don’t get tired of each other spending so much time together? When I shared a room with my sister, any time I wasn’t home, I didn’t want to be around her.”
Shawn finally chimed in, “We don’t spend all that much time together.”
I looked over at him, taken aback. A small laugh lodged itself in my throat.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“It’s okay to admit that I haven’t made many friends in college.
Shawn makes sure I don’t feel alone.” In all honesty, Shawn had been the one to initiate outings with me or stay in to watch movies or listen to music instead of going to parties his other friends had invited him to.
So, I didn’t understand why he acted as if we were barely acquaintances.
“Some people have a harder time connecting with others,” she said, condescendingly again. “I’m sure you’ll make friends soon and can have a break from this one.” She pointed over at Shawn.
We were interrupted by the waiter who took our orders.
“I’m afraid I might be stuck with that one for life, or our tattoos would be really awkward.” I knew I shouldn’t have brought up our tattoos. They weren’t matching, but they represented our friendship.
“Tattoos?” Jill questioned, looking slowly over at Shawn.
He ran his hand through his hair awkwardly.
“I got trees, and she got mountains for the move here. It’s not that deep.
” He gave a pleading expression. The truth was, I got six mountain peaks, and he got six trees to represent how long we had been friends.
We even scheduled to get an additional one for another year of friendship this year.
Our food came then, quieting the conversation while we sat and ate in silence.
“Can I have your pickle?” Jill asked Shawn. I sucked in my lips, holding back another laugh. Jill noticed, though. “What?”
“Asking Shawn to give up his pickle is like asking if he’ll give up one of his limbs.” I laughed. “He is way too obsessed with pickles, and everything pickle flavored.”
Shawn laughed along, taking a bite of the pickle in question. “Sorry, babe. Serenity is right, pickles are my first love.”
“I didn’t realize you were so passionate about pickles.” Shawn and I both laughed again. Her eyes roamed between the two of us, but she went back to eating without saying another word.