Chapter Seven #2
“I guess I’d never thought of it like that,” I admitted, heaving a giant exhale.
My shoulders collapsed from my ears as my mind tried to comprehend how he’d uncovered this perspective so effortlessly.
“I’ve spent so much time focused on what I did wrong, or rather what I didn’t do right, that caused Zane to leave me.
I never opened my mind to what our marriage would’ve been like had we gotten married.
As much as getting left at the altar was seriously fucking awful, I guess I’d rather that than be married to someone who didn’t want to be married to me. ”
I uncrossed my arms and tucked them in my oversized barn jacket before turning my attention to him.
His expression was one I wasn’t quite ready for; the way his lips were curling up under his mustache on one side, the intensity in his almond-shaped eyes resembling little pools, and the low hypnotic grumble that came from the back of his throat making him so damn desirable.
Seemed wild to me that he just stood here listening to all this shit and then proceeded to support me, and even more than that, side with me.
Zane would never.
“I knew you were a smart woman,” he said, his eyebrow arched.
“And I obviously don’t know what your relationship was like and I don’t want to overstep here, but what I do know from the few encounters we’ve had is that you’re an incredibly insightful woman, and the way you see beauty in all things is truly inspiring.
On top of all that, you conversed with a stranger in the dark and made said stranger feel a little less alone.
So, as far as I’m concerned, if some man couldn’t see all that, then trust me when I say, you’re lucky he’s out of the picture,” he said. “He is out of the picture, right?”
I broke his gaze as soon as I felt that familiar rush of heat invading my cheeks. Were those compliments? Or was he just trying to make me feel better because he felt sorry for me? And what the hell was that last part?
“Right,” I responded, frantically searching for another topic. “All right, well, that’s definitely enough about me. Your turn.” I playfully slapped his arm, surprising myself. Really, I think it was just my subconscious using any excuse it could find to touch him.
“What do you wanna know?” he asked.
“Wait, really?” I said, skeptical. “I did not think it was going to be that easy.”
“You literally just told me that you got left on your wedding day by the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with…”
“True,” I said, wrapping my arms around my waist to try to keep myself warm. The crisp breeze had picked up, and the air seemed chillier than before. “I just assumed someone like you would keep things to themselves.”
“You do a lot of assuming when it comes to what you think you know about me. Has no one told you what assuming does?” he asked as he shrugged out of his large camo jacket, revealing fluffy cream fleece lining the inside.
Before I knew what he was doing, he’d laid the jacket over my shoulders and attempted to close it over my already jacketed body. His body was stable behind mine as he stretched his arms even farther around my chest.
I gazed up over my left shoulder, unaware of how close his face would be to mine.
The scent of spearmint mixed with that same leathery, wooden musk from the first night we met flooded my nose. Neither of us said anything, his arms still tightly draped over my body.
“Huh?” I quickly pulled away, stepping to his right. “What does assuming do?” My head was spinning, and I was just grateful to be making any sense at all.
“It makes an ass out of you and me,” he said, sending a wink in my direction after he finished.
There came that rush of heat again.
My god.
I had to get out of here.
At this rate, I’d be a puddle before we even got back to the barn.
“Jesus,” I whispered.
A thought like that didn’t come without exposing the sliver of guilt that unfortunately still idled in the depths of my brain.
“You’re ridiculous.” I faked a giggle. “But you know what I mean. Your whole life is constantly on display; don’t you sometimes just want to keep things to yourself?” My voice was less playful than before as I put a little distance between us.
“Most of the time, yes. All the shit on the internet is shit I can’t change, no matter how much time passes, but it doesn’t depict who I am as a person, especially not now.
The pictures and videos have been handpicked and manipulated to feed a narrative.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve done some stupid shit—shit that I regret—but no one talks about what it feels like to have all of your dreams come true overnight, especially at the ripe age of twenty-five. ”
I didn’t know exactly how old he was, but I knew he’d been in the spotlight for at least six or seven years, which put him in his early thirties.
“I sure as hell can’t imagine what that felt like because I can promise you at twenty-five, I was absolutely doing shit I shouldn’t have been doing and had someone been filming me, I probably would’ve been cancelled from the world for the rest of my life.
” I smiled, thinking back to some of those crazy years right after college when everything was easy and nothing seemed forever.
He raised his eyebrows. “Now that’s some footage I’d pay big money to see.
” His laugh faded into the distance. “Everything I did, and I mean everything, was under a microscope. All of a sudden everyone knew who I was, and being a kid from a small Tennessee town, that was a complete brain fuck. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to worry about bills or how I was getting to and from my job at the local burger joint.
I could buy myself whatever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, and sleep with damn near anyone I wanted. ” He smirked.
“Uh-huh.” I hummed. “Had to add that one in there, didn’t you?”
He didn’t say anything, he just shot a side-eye in my direction.
“But honestly, listening to that kind of lifestyle sounds exhausting, and not like the way I would’ve wanted to spend the latter half of my twenties.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’ve had some great experiences, ones that I’ll probably never get to have, but I’m not sure that outweighs all the bad shit,” I said.
“That’s the thing. I didn’t even really get to experience any of it because I couldn’t see past the blinders. I was too damn busy planning my next party, taking the next shot, or finding the next girl that I forgot to actually experience any of it.”
“Hey, you still have time, right?”
My mind raced as the words left my mouth. Maybe he didn’t have time? Maybe that was why he came here, because he was sick or something? Oh my god, now I felt like an ass.
He casually turned, strolling back to Cheyenne, lifting his hand up to her face. “Yeah, thankfully, I do. I guess that makes me one of the lucky ones too.”
A sigh of relief barreled from my chest as I followed right behind him, returning to Valhalla’s side.
“Is this yours?” he asked, holding up the tattered leather that protected some of the deepest parts of me.
I practically ran to his side, snatching the journal from him.
“Woah. Now I’m curious to know what’s in there.”
“It’s nothing, just some words that needed to get out of my head and onto the paper. Nothing important,” I insisted, shoving the journal into my jacket pocket.
“I don’t believe that for a second…” His interest was obvious, so I knew I needed to change the subject.
“So, that’s the whole reason you came here. To slow down. Experience life?” I said, the weight of my written words tucked safely in my pocket now helping me to slow my breath.
“For the most part, yeah.” He nodded, placing his left foot in the stirrup and naturally swinging his right one over to the other side.
“Looks like you might be a lost cowboy after all.” I secretly grinned, pulling myself into my saddle.