Chapter Seventeen
“Stetson!” I yelled, skidding the towering barn door closed behind me as I stepped into the recording studio. “Anyone here?”
The new year had arrived, and while I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t dreamt of the possibility of sharing a kiss with the notably attractive and annoyingly charming Stetson Walker, my New Year’s Eve didn’t even remotely resemble that.
It looked a lot more like me being a third wheel for Maggie and Booker.
Which, ironically, I didn’t hate.
I got to spend some much-needed time with Maggie, and now that she and Booker were official, it was nice to hang out with both of them. We danced and giggled at The Wheel until the wee hours of the morning and honestly, it was perfect.
Well, almost.
Stetson and I had exchanged a few texts here and there, but nothing major.
A Sorry I bailed, a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and a few How ya doings.
I expected half as much with the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but as hard as I tried to ignore his absence, I couldn’t get him off my mind.
Between the constant tug of wanting to know what it would be like to engage further and being too scared to try, confusion clouded my brain on a 24/7 basis, making it difficult to remember that despite all this nonsense, I still had a job to do.
“Hello?” I called out.
Since I’d seen him last, I had scribbled down a few ideas for the album that I was dying to share with him. I thought about texting or calling, but it seemed easier to just pop over and explain in person.
“Hey, darlin’. Wasn’t expecting you this morning.”
“George?” I questioned, whipping my head in the direction of his voice. “I wasn’t expecting to find you in here either.”
“There were a few things that needed fixin’ and I told Stetson I’d get them done while he was gone so the studio would be good as new for him when he got back.”
“Gone?” I asked. Not subtle whatsoever.
“Yeah, he left on Christmas Eve and hasn’t been back since. Said he had some things he needed to take care of back in Nashville.”
“Interesting,” I said, disappointment laced in my tone.
He’d been gone for almost two weeks. When was he coming back? What if he didn’t come back?
My heart slung straight out of my chest.
“Don’t worry, darlin’, he’ll be back,” he said, reading my mind.
“Not sure when, but I’d imagined it would be sometime soon considering he’s got a whole album to write, and with that dirtbag Mark breathing down his neck, he ain’t got much choice.
” George’s confirmation calmed the wild horses galloping around the base of my stomach.
“Yeah, I’d imagine you’re right,” I responded. “Do you need help with anything?” I offered. The question was an obvious ploy to change the subject.
“Nah. I’m about finished,” he responded.
“You sure?”
“I’m sure,” George said, nodding his head in my direction before climbing up a ladder that sat perched under a light fixture made of antlers.
“All right, well, I better be gettin’ back to the Tribune then. I’m sure Donna’s gonna want an update considering I haven’t given her anything new since before the holidays,” I said.
Except going back to work right now was the very last thing on my mind.
“I’ll let you know if I hear anything from our disappearing cowboy.” He chuckled.
“Sounds good. See you later, George.” I tried to mask the let-down in my voice, struggling to even force a half smile to crawl across my face.
Over the last couple of weeks, I hadn’t stopped thinking about Stetson’s new song. I’d replayed the lyrics over and over in my head. It was as if the song was a record that had been stuck on repeat and my brain was the record player.
The racing thoughts in my mind spun out of control as I trucked toward the doors.
I stopped dead in my tracks. “Hey, George?”
“Yeah, darlin’?” He braced his weight on the ladder before turning to face me.
“Do you ever wonder how different your life might’ve been had you made different choices?” I blurted.
“Of course,” he said, stepping down the ladder and crossing his arms over his chest. “I assume everyone does. We’re human. We like to constantly put ourselves through the misery of questioning the what-ifs.”
“Yeah, I guess. It’s just lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices I’ve made in my life, and some of them feel like I might have made the wrong ones, ya know?”
“Any choices in particular you’re talking about?” His big brown doe eyes softened. “Like maybe a certain wedding?”
“Oh god, no,” I said, half laughing. “That is actually something I haven’t questioned.
Something I’m grateful for even. But I think feeling so okay about the wedding not happening just illuminated how freeing it can be when you actually do make the right choice…
” My thoughts trailed off. I wasn’t sure how much or exactly what I wanted to divulge next.
“I’m listening.”
“Stetson wrote a new song, one that’s really damn good.
One that feels like it might just stick around for a while.
” I smiled, thinking about the day at my apartment.
“It’s called ‘Choices’ and the lyrics are truly incredible.
They’re not just words; they’re little pieces of wisdom that circulate through your brain and make you ponder the decisions you’ve made in your life.
They make you wonder just how different your life could’ve been had things gone differently, had you made the right choice even if it was the hard one. And it’s really had me thinkin’…”
There was a time when things were really dark for me and I wasn’t sure I was ever going to see the light again. Choices were made and lives were changed and sometimes it was hard not to dwell on that. Or even worse, to overanalyze every single detail of it.
I continued on. “Thinking that maybe I haven’t always made the right choices. Especially in the moments that felt really hard and scary. That maybe at seventeen, I took the easy way out because selfishly I knew the other option was too fucking hard to deal with.”
“Scarlett,” he said, his boots tapping across the floor as he walked closer to me.
“I’m gonna have to stop you right there.
” He placed his hands on my shoulders; the area they covered consumed my entire upper half.
“We all make choices, darlin’. Every damn day.
That means we are bound to make some bad ones.
That’s life. But you have to know that each one you make lays a path for the next one and the next one and so on.
And no matter what, you have to believe that everything happens for a reason, especially because life’s too damn short to dwell on past choices.
Now you’ve just got to move forward and continue to do your best and make the best decisions you can with what you’re given. ”
The tiny tear ducts in my eyes swelled.
“It doesn’t make me a bad person?” I asked.
He smiled and shook his head back and forth.
“Not even a little bit,” he said, pulling me into a tight embrace. The smell of Copenhagen wafted through my nose. “Can I tell you something, Scarlett?”
I squeezed my arms tightly around his lower body, finding solace in his presence.
“Of course. Anything,” I answered.
He pulled us apart, dipping his head down “When Mrs. Freeman was in the hospital, I had to make a choice. I had to choose whether or not to keep her on life support or to let her go. For days, I grappled with what the right thing to do was, and I just kept coming up empty-handed. That’s when I realized, there was no right choice.
There was only my choice, and whatever that was would be right for both of us.
” He swiped his hand across his chin. “Selfishly, I would’ve kept that woman on life support for the rest of my life, and I think during those couple of weeks when I told everyone I was trying to decide what to do, I was really just buying myself time because I knew.
I had to do what was best for her, and that was to finally let her go.
To let her be free to run wild again.” The last word got caught in his throat, but he quickly cleared it.
“But that’s the problem.” I gritted my teeth. “I think I made the decision that was best for me, not someone else, and that reality is a hard pill to swallow.”
George knew exactly what I was talking about, and I was grateful I didn’t have to spell it out.
“But did you?” he asked. “Think about it. Think about who you were when you made that decision. Think about what your life would’ve looked like had you chosen the other path. Do you have that in your head?”
I nodded because words felt hard.
“Now I want you to think about how things looked because of the choice you did make. That wasn’t easy for you.
Hell, that was probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in your entire life.
” His eyes were pinned to mine, convincing me of each word he said.
“When you’re reeling through these past moments, don’t forget to change perspectives every now and then.
It’s crucial to see the whole story when you’re looking back.
You made the right choice. That, I can promise you. You understand?”
“When you put it that way, I guess it does seem less black and white and a little more understandable.”
“I’m not sayin’ that you can’t think about what life would’ve been like.
I’m just sayin’ the past has already been written, and now the only thing you have left to write is the future.
So, instead of wasting time trying to change things that can’t be changed, try focusing all that energy on the things you can. ”
“You make it sound so easy,” I argued.
He laughed, releasing me from his grasp and returning to his full height.
“What’s so funny?” I questioned.
“Oh nothing.” He paused, scratching his beard back and forth. “I reckon I remember Stetson saying that exact same thing about you.”
He piqued my interest; one of my eyebrows dipped as the other raised.
“He mentioned something along the lines of ‘Scarlett made it sound so easy to make the right choice, it was like she didn’t even have to think about it. What I would’ve paid to see you have your way with Mark.’”
The flash of him and me in the recording studio for the first time resurfaced, but I crammed it down because now, standing here with George, was not the time or the place.
“Yeah, but that’s different. His decision was easy. He knew what choice to make; he just didn’t know if he wanted to make the hard one or the easy one,” I defended.
Now it was George’s turn to raise his eyebrows.
“Perspective, remember?” he asked. “To you, maybe it seemed easy. To Stetson, this decision could change his whole world. If he made the wrong one, or one that he thought might be wrong, everything could be different.”
“Dammit, George,” I huffed.
The huge smirk that strung across his face was confirmation that he knew he’d made his point.
“I guess I never looked at it that way.”
“Most people don’t take the time to see it from another angle.” He shrugged.
“Well, thanks for that. I really needed it. But now, I’ve got to get to work,” I said, raising my wrist and checking the time on my dainty gold watch.
He tipped his hat and threw a wink at me. “Anytime, darlin’. You know that.”
I turned on my feet and walked to my car, a sigh of relief escaping my lips. The tiny breath formed a cloud of warm air in front of my mouth as I stepped outside and headed to the Tribune.