19. Chapter 19
ONYX
I lie awake half the night listening to Hero’s steady breathing and wondering what the hell even happened last night.
I feel so stupid for getting so worked up over something as small as Hero’s real name.
But… is that stupid? After hours of going around in circles about it, I still can’t decide if I’m overreacting or if it really is a sign that he doesn’t see this as something serious the way I do.
By the time the morning sun starts to paint the bedroom in shades of gray and pink, I roll out of bed and quietly get dressed.
I don’t really want to leave this morning without waking him up to make sure we’re okay, but the flight I managed to book last night leaves out of Milwaukee in just a couple of hours.
Knots twist in my gut as I stare down at Hero’s sleeping form, one arm flung over his face, the covers half off him to give me a nice view of his bare chest. I trace his familiar tattoos with my eyes, shapes I memorized with my tongue years ago.
I’m tempted to forget the flight altogether, crawl back into bed, and spend the morning making up for that fight.
Longing plucks at my chest and it’s nearly impossible to resist the lure of Hero’s warm bed, but I already texted Van to let him know I’d be back in Seattle today.
He’s expecting me in his office tomorrow, and I’m more than ready to get this shit wrapped up.
This isn’t like the other times I left. I won’t have to spend months with an ache in my chest, counting down the weeks and months until I get to see him again.
I’ll only be gone for a few days. Then I’ll come back, and we’ll sort things out.
I’ll lay it all out on the table for him, tell him things will be different, and ask if he wants this the same way I do.
I tear myself away from watching him and tiptoe out of the bedroom, easing the door closed behind me.
In the living room, Diva yawns and stretches on the back of the couch, slow blinking a “hello” to me before she stands up and scampers towards the kitchen expectantly.
I chuckle and follow her. I guess I can fill her bowl before I leave.
I click my tongue against my teeth and open the cabinet above the refrigerator to grab a few treats from the stash I put up there a few weeks ago.
She meows and kneads her claws into the denim of my jeans, tilting her head one way and then the other to beg so cutely for the treats she already knows she’s getting.
“Here you go, beautiful,” I coo, dropping the treats for her and scratching her chin before going to the cupboard to get her dry food to fill her bowl.
She meows again and rubs up against my shins, and then happily starts to munch on her breakfast. “I’ll be back in a few days, okay Deevs?
Don’t let your daddy convince himself otherwise. ”
I straighten up and glance around the kitchen for a second, my attention landing on my notebook on the counter. Perfect.
I tear out a piece of paper and write a brief note.
I’m sorry we got into it last night. If you think about it, it was our first fight, which is kind of a big relationship milestone. Let’s celebrate with a cake when I get back? Or maybe I’ll just cover you in frosting and lick it off instead.
I’ll see you in a few days, and we’ll talk.
My hand pauses, poised over the paper, trying to decide how to end the note.
‘Love, Onyx’? I haven’t managed to say the word out loud to him yet, and I probably shouldn’t do it in a note when I’m on my way out the door.
I tap the tip of the pen against the paper for a second then settle for doodling a little heart instead.
I stick the paper partially under the coffee machine so there’s no way he’ll miss it when he wakes up, and then I quietly slip on my shoes and step out the front door.
It’s a pleasant, warm morning with the smell of summer heavy in the air—grass and the faint smell of manure from some nearby field.
A sense of nostalgia and home tugs at my gut, and I smile.
Whatever Hero decides about us, I think I’ll settle in Fall Crosse either way.
Not that I’ll never travel again or ever get that itch to be somewhere a little busier once in a while, but I’ve missed the simple feeling of home here.
I think I started missing it the minute I left, I just wasn’t ready to admit that to myself.
I was still too young and proud to think a little town in Wisconsin could be enough for me, but I don’t think you get a say in where your heart decides home is.
With one last look over my shoulder at the house, I get into my car and drive away.
HERO
I can tell that Onyx is gone before I’ve even pried my eyes open.
There’s a different kind of quiet in the house, an empty feeling in my chest. Jesus, I’m a fucking idiot.
What were we even fighting about last night?
Seeing him shine like that up on stage just reminded me that he’s too talented and beautiful for a place like Fall Crosse… for a man like me.
I groan at myself, rolling over to bury my face in my pillow in an attempt to suffocate the idiocy out of myself.
I think I said something about him only being here for my dick.
Fuck my life, this stupidity might actually be rooted too damn deep to remove it without brain damage.
I sigh and flop onto my back again. Diva mews and paws at the door.
I can’t just lie here sulking until Onyx comes back…
if he comes back. But the thought of dragging my ass out of bed and actually facing the empty house is too much.
I reach for my phone on the nightstand and fire off a quick text to Milo.
HERO: if you aren’t working this morning, want to come by and hang out for a bit? I’ll make coffee and waffles.
MILO: Blueberry waffles?
I chuckle and type out ‘sure’ and Milo responds by liking the message, which I’m hoping means he’ll come over.
I let myself wallow for just a few more minutes before getting up, taking a piss, and throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
The rumble of Milo’s old car engine catches my ear as I shuffle into the kitchen.
I need to do a tune-up for him before he ends up stalled out on the side of the road somewhere.
Diva circles her bowl, chirping at me like she’s gone hungry for days, but from the looks of things, Onyx must have fed her before he left.
I pick up the bowl and rattle the kibble around, so she’ll think I’m adding more, then set it back down for her.
Knowing that he stopped to feed my cat on his way out the door this morning does something funny to the inside of my chest.
My eyes snag on a piece of paper tucked half under the coffee maker. I pick it up, but before I can unfold it to read it, I hear the front door opening and closing, followed by the sound of Milo’s footsteps echoing down the hallway. I stuff the note into my back pocket without reading it.
“Morning, Pops,” he calls out. “I didn’t know if I should bring anything, and it’s my week to grocery shop, except I keep forgetting to go, so all I really had in the house were a couple of bananas that are probably ready to be bread, and a box of baking soda in the fridge. I brought the bananas, just in case.”
I chuckle as he steps into the kitchen, rambling the whole way, and sets the pair of brown bananas on the counter.
“Thanks. If you’re not married to the idea of blueberry waffles, I could make banana bread waffles instead,” I offer.
Milo grins. “Why not both?”
“Always a good call.” I turn to the refrigerator to start pulling out what I’ll need while Milo takes it upon himself to start the coffee.
“Living with Piston has made me such a coffee snob.” He wrinkles his nose at the store-brand ground coffee I have.
“Well, excuse me for not having freshly picked coffee beans from the hillsides of Peru or whatever the fuck.”
“You’re not excused,” he teases, and we both laugh.
Milo flits around my kitchen for a few minutes, petting Diva and opening random cabinets while I mix the waffle batter. Eventually he ends up leaning on the counter right next to where I’m working.
“So, this was random this morning. Not that I’m complaining, I’ll always take a free breakfast.” He dips his finger into the batter to taste it, and I bat his hand away.
“Where’s Onyx?” He glances around, like Onyx will suddenly appear out of thin air when his name is spoken out loud.
I wish . “I didn’t see his car outside.”
“He went back to Seattle,” I say gruffly.
“Oh, bummer. I thought he was sticking around for a while.” Milo sounds genuinely let down that Onyx isn’t here. And just like with Diva’s food bowl, the fact that Onyx has been taking the time to get so tight with my kid does funny things to my insides.
I clear my throat. “He says he’s coming right back. He just had some stuff to take care of.”
I can feel Milo’s eyes on me. I look up from pouring the batter into the waffle iron and find him squinting at me, like he’s trying to see between all the words I’m saying and get to the meaning behind them.
“We had a fight,” I blurt. “But that’s not why he left.
At least, I don’t think it’s why… I don’t know, he said he had to leave and that’s what started the fight, I think.
” I shake my head, not quite remembering the exact order of events last night.
He said he was leaving before I acted like an ass, didn’t he?
“What did you do?” Milo asks with a sigh.
“Me? Why do you assume I’m the one who fucked up?”
He raises his eyebrows and purses his lips in response.
“Fine, it was mostly my fault. I don’t want to talk about it though. I don’t need relationship advice from my kid.”
He sputters a laugh. “One of us is in a successful long-term relationship.” He points at himself. “And one of us is making grumpy waffles.” He points at me.
“The waffles aren’t grumpy,” I grumble.
“Your grumpy energy while making them is turning them grumpy.”
“Can we stop saying grumpy?”
“Can you act like an adult and tell me what you did, so I can tell you how to fix it and get Onyx back here? Because he’s amazing and you smile a lot when he’s around, and I don’t think you should let a good thing walk out the door because you’re too proud to ask for relationship advice ‘from your kid.’” He puts air quotes around the last part.
“Fine. I don’t actually know what happened though.
He was in a weird mood at the open mic night, and then watching him perform just reminded me of all the reasons I can’t keep him around like I want to.
When we got home, I think he said something about needing to go to Seattle for a couple of days, and we got into it.
He said I don’t even know him, and I don’t have a clue what I said other than dumbass shit.
Then we went to bed, and now he’s gone.”
I focus on pulling the first waffle out of the waffle iron and adding a second while Milo ponders everything I just said.
“He said you don’t even know him? Why would he say that? Haven’t you guys known each other for years?”
I fiddle needlessly with the knobs on the waffle iron and grumble under my breath. That night with the dishes springs immediately to the front of my mind. He said something about me only seeing him as a rockstar.
“There was more,” I grunt. “He said something about not even knowing my real name and implied that I only want him around for sex.” My chest tightens as everything starts to come together.
“I can see where he got that impression. I just… I was trying to protect myself. What kind of narcissistic moron would think a fucking rockstar could fall in love with him and want to give up his glamorous life to move to Bumfuck, Nowhere?”
Milo leans forward with his chin in his hand. “Dad, don’t take this the wrong way, but you really are a fucking idiot right now. Onyx is already in love with you.”
My heart rate spikes, and I shake my head, Milo nods rapidly in response. After a second, I still and swallow hard.
“Did I fuck this up? He’s supposed to be back in a few days. Should I just wait and tell him that I’m an insecure jackass and beg him to stay?”
“That’ll probably work.” He picks at the waffle that’s already on a plate. “It’s not what I would do. Then again, I’m impulsive, sooooo…” He shrugs.
“What would you do?”
A slow smile spreads across Milo’s face, and I already know I’m going to do whatever he suggests.