Chapter 33 Belle-Belle
Belle-Belle
Icould not help it; I was aglow from being in the king’s presence. And he had let me touch him, kiss his hand, even! When I looked around to see that I was in a corridor unaccompanied, I skipped and let out a little laugh.
I next met with the king’s secretary, explaining that I had a horse and small retinue, and some gold, but not much else. She made note of all of this with her quill, then sent me on my way.
Then I returned to our lodgings to rest before the evening’s festivities, which would involve more of the court.
Lucas, Matteo, and Aubert had come with me to the makeshift court initially, and had planned to return on their own time, which I was fine with.
After all, if I had made a declaration of putting my trust in them, I had to follow through with it, did I not?
Leaving Comrade in the stable, I went to one of the common areas, a large dining room, to think about what was next. I had to make a good showing that evening, obviously. I sat down and took off my hat, raking anxious fingers through my hair. Then I got up and paced. Then I sat down again.
I removed my coat and rolled up my sleeves, grabbing an apple to eat as I thought.
I knew the nervous energy was doing me no good, but there was no way to get it out in my usual fashion; the most effective strategy in recent years, once my sisters had taken to inflicting their spiteful grudges on me, had been to take off for the forest and go hunting.
That thought stopped me before I sprang up again to pace: my family.
Even though Marguerite and Collette vented their ill tempers on me more often than not, I missed them. And our father too; I hoped they were faring well in my absence: eating enough, caring for our small estate. Caring for one another.
If and when I returned, I would be even better suited to care for them. Under Benoit’s tutelage, my hunting skills had increased. And training with Guillaume…ah, that was it! A training session might help me burn off this nervous energy. I sprang to my feet.
The open floor plan of our inn would certainly offer space for such martial activities. And so I set off to see where Guillaume was most likely to be.
Our lodgings did indeed have a small armory, though it seemed to share space with a smithy that had long gone unused. Either way, there was room to spar, and since it was close to the stable, hay if we needed padding.
A sound drew my attention as soon as I walked in: the sharpening of blades.
Guessing who it was, I strode in and announced my intention to train.
Guillaume rose from the shadows, where he had been seated with a whetstone, and with rags for wiping hand oils from them as well.
“No,” he said, his eyes hidden by the blindfold he almost always wore.
“No?” I repeated, not believing what I had heard. “Why not?”
“Because you already trained with me this morning, and it would not do you any good to exhaust your muscles further.”
My cheeks heated. My sisters frequently pointed out my limitations, but they did not get to dictate what I did.
“Well, I wish to train. I will still have time to rest before the king’s soiree tonight.”
He put down the knife he’d been holding and stepped close to me, raising the blindfold so that his cold, gray eyes could stare down at me.
“No. If you want someone to do your bidding, go find Benoit.”
The words struck me like a fist.
I knew with a chill sense of inevitability what would happen to me here, surrounded by fellow nobles who expected our servants to do our bidding: I would become just like them, and bid them to aid me and bed me, and there would be no equality to our companionship, just one person using another, as it had been for centuries, as it seemed some faeries were keen to model while others strived to disrupt it.
“Fine,” I ground out. I crossed my arms, my fingers digging into the opposite elbow.
He said nothing, just stared at me.
“I’m not like that,” I finally said. “I won’t…use you.”
He laughed, and it was not a pleasant sound.
“Every noble uses people. I needn’t tell the others, they’ve all witnessed it and lived it.”
I scrunched up my face, determined not to cry, like I sometimes did under the teasing of my sisters. The heat bunching in my eyes stoked my shame. I knew I was better than this. I had to be better than this.
Instead of running away like I wanted to, I stepped closer. I was sick of crumbling under their needling.
“Do you have a problem with me specifically, Guillaume? Do I remind you of someone you wish to forget?”
“You don’t remind me of anyone at all,” he growled, matching my step inward. “You are another good-for-nothing noble, one I swore to because it netted me the best chance of revenge against Matapa.”
“Then forget your oath!” I cried out. “If you hate being here, I will release you from it!”
“I will not abandon you to a king who does not know the forces he is up against,” he said in a low, dangerous tone.
“Do not speak of King Aristide like that. He is a great leader,” I said, reeling at his impudence.
“He is an untried youth barely out of boyhood,” Guillaume snorted.
Being told I was following, and indeed pining for, an immature youth was a slap to my face. I could not fathom why Guillaume was insulting him so.
“If you think so little of him, then you must think nothing of me,” I retorted. My arms still crossed, I clutched myself tighter. I had not sought this quarrel, but I would not back down.
He took a step towards me. Fueled by spite, remembering however many arguments with my sisters, I stayed where I was.
When he said nothing, I continued: “I am sworn to serve him, and you are sworn to serve me. Where does that leave us? If we are attacked and I must rally my men to protect him, will you protect my liege, the recipient of my oath, when you in turn have given your word to me?”
At that, he froze. His gray eyes stonily bore into me, and I did not need his enhanced sight to see him clenching and working his jaw, with what emotion I could only imagine, so rarely did he show any in my presence, any beyond disdain.
“Maybe I should release you from your oath,” I said sullenly. “If you cannot keep it anyway.” Oaths were dangerous when not kept, and this was clearly a dangerous man I was dealing with…so was it better to have the danger near or far?
At that, he reached for my arms, pulling them out of their crossed position. I had not even realized I was clutching myself so tightly as to leave marks on my skin.
I wrenched myself out of his grip, furious that I had listened to him insult me, every other noble, and my liege in the span of a few short minutes.
“I release—” I shouted.
But with that, he kissed me.
Unlike everything that was so cold about him, his mouth was warm, and it devoured mine, open and hungry, all tongue and teeth. I was so shocked that I yielded instantly, and for the first few moments I let him explore the place where our mouths meshed, kissing me as though he were starved for it.
I knew I should pull away. That he had said every noble took advantage, and here I was taking advantage of a man who clearly loathed me and everything I stood for.
At the same time, I rationalized that he had been the one kissing me, henceforth if I had not initiated something that he insisted he did not want, I was not at fault.
But the heat of his lips on mine told a different story altogether, one I was curious to hear. And if I was being honest with myself, I burned for his touch, had burned for it since he had spurned me earlier, had taught me more ways to touch a body in violence before distancing himself entirely.
My brain stuttered over the convoluted logic of should I, shouldn’t I.
Apart from the feel of him against me, and there was definitely a hot press where our bodies were molded together at the groin, nothing else seemed to matter.
I lit up with desire for him, in a way I had not before with Benoit, Lucas, and Aubert.
If it was selfish to want, in that moment, I did not care.
All this passed within my mind and my heart for mere moments, before he pulled away and studied me with eyes that were—for the first time I ever beheld such an expression on his face—uncertain and a little confused.
Desiring to leave nothing to ambiguity, I reached up and laced my fingers into his dark hair and pulled him in for another kiss.