Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
PATIENCE
I’m married.
There was no big shebang, fancy dress, cake, pretty words, or even a kiss at the end.
No, once Jett and I ironed out the details, we stood together in the condo he was staying in and let Gyth marry us. Other than the three of us, only Ruby and Lyric were there as witnesses.
It sounded awful, I know. Landon had told me that I didn’t have to go through with it. He said he would make sure Chaz and his family didn’t get their hands on my son.
But I couldn’t risk it.
I was stacking everything in my favor because there were no guarantees.
The thing was, I may not be getting the fairytale wedding, but I was getting the husband of my dreams. He just didn’t believe he could be that yet.
I was hellbent on showing him that he was wrong.
His expression days before we said, “I do,” when I told him that I was going to love him until he loved himself, flashed in my mind. Those blue eyes of his were so full of anguish, but for just a second, I’d seen a flash of hope.
It was all I needed to fuel me forward.
I’d do things the way he needed me to for now—one being he insisted we couldn’t live together because of his struggles, even though he wouldn’t elaborate on what those were exactly.
I, however, refused to live so far away from him—not only because we were married, but because I believed he needed Griffin and me.
I wasn't sure if it had been wrong not to have Griffin there with us, but the situation was a bit off the wall, and I needed to nurture it with care.
So there I stood, a married woman in my soon-to-be old room, bags packed, sitting on the bed trying to explain to my son that Jett and I were married, along with the fact that we were moving to be closer to Jett.
God only knew what the days ahead would bring.
Griffin hadn’t seen Jett yet, nor had Gramps, Autumn, Tristan, or anyone else in the group besides Gyth, Lyric, and Ruby. I knew everyone was trying to be patient, but my kid was chomping at the bit.
Waving my hand in the air to get his attention, I asked, “Hey, do you understand what I'm telling you?”
Griffin looked at me, eyes filled with excitement as he bounced up and down on the bed. He nodded but then stopped suddenly, his gaze turning thoughtful.
“Why can’t we live with Daddy?”
I blew out a breath that sent my hair fluttering around my face. I’d known my little man was going to push that subject, but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped he’d let it slide. Griffin rarely let anything fly past him, especially if it was important to him, so I wasn’t surprised.
“Honey, you know Jett got hurt—”
“Daddy,” he corrected as he flopped onto his bottom.
Oh boy.
I’d kept saying Jett since I didn’t have a clue how the man himself felt about Griffin calling him Daddy, but my son was relentless.
“So you know how he got hurt,” I started again, but that wasn’t good enough.
My child blew out an exaggerated breath. “Daddy, say Daddy,” he demanded.
I dug deep for composure. This was so hard, but I caved.
“Okay, Daddy.” That earned me a triumphant smile that warmed my heart even in this sticky situation. “He was hurt and needs his own space right now. So we are going to be close but we're also going to give him space so he can heal.”
He cocked his head, a thoughtful look crossing his adorable face, and then asked, “Can I see his owies?”
My teeth sunk into my lip as I tried to figure out how to explain that the healing I was talking about was mental, not physical. Suddenly, voices drifted up the stairs just as I heard the front door shut—a welcome distraction for me right then.
“Come here, boy, let me see you,” Gramps said. His voice, which was always so strong and full of wisdom, shook a bit with emotion, and tears pricked my eyes.
“Hey, Gramps,” Jett said in a deep, clearly emotional tone.
And everything I was about to say, needed to say, or wanted to say to my son was forgotten.
“Daddy!” He jumped off the bed and was running before I could stop him.
Hot on his heels, I raced out of my room to follow but slammed on the brakes at the bottom of the stairs as I took in the scene that unfolded, not leaving a dry eye in the room.
Griffin screamed, “Daddy!” as he launched himself at Jett, with no doubt in his mind that the man he adored would catch him.
And he did.
“Hey, Champ. I missed you,” Jett said, hugging Griffin to his chest.
An audible gasp echoed through the room as I sucked in a sharp intake of air. Jett looked over my son’s shoulder at the sound, his crystal blue eyes brightening with happiness—something that had been non-existent just days before—as he held my baby boy.
Of course, I knew he wasn’t a baby anymore at five—he always reminded me of that too—but to me, he always would be. Probably even when he was a grown man himself.
I watched as Jett closed his eyes, soaking in the moment, before he opened them, his gaze locking back on mine.
A small smile tipped his lips, and those heart-stopping dimples made a quick appearance.
I was lost in the depth of his stare for a second before the connection was broken as my son began peppering him with questions.
Jett sat down in one of the chairs with Griffin on his lap and tried to answer everything being thrown at him. We all moved into the nearby room, watching the exchange. Autumn, wanting to be with her big brother Jett, climbed onto his lap as well, though she let my child do all the talking.
Well, “let” is a strong statement. She wouldn’t have been able to get a word in edgewise even if she wanted to.
While Tristan normally liked to do what the big kids did, he could also be shy at times, and he clung to Lyric.
Question after question was shot Jett’s way until Griff finally began to wind down. But not before he landed a blow to not only my heart, but I was sure to Jett’s and everyone else’s as well.
“Daddy, I knew you would come home. I wish we could live together again, but Mommy splained it all to me.”
With the intensity of the moment and how cute it was at times the way a few words came out, I didn’t correct the way he said, explained.
Then in one of his signature moves, when he really wanted you to listen and showing the amazing empathy he possessed at such a young age, Griffin placed both his tiny hands on Jett’s cheeks and leaned in closer.
“You have to heal the broken stuff first. Not just the owies, but so you’re not sad anymore.” I heard people's reactions, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from my guys. “Then we can all be together again.”
My son may not fully understand, and I didn’t get a chance to explain it to him before he rushed from the room, but somehow, he’d caught on to the sorrow that Jett was feeling.
Jett’s large hand patted Griffin’s back as a tear streaked down his cheek. The fact that he didn’t hide from those emotions just made him more remarkable in my eyes.
He didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. I knew he didn’t know what to believe or think right now, but he did say the sweetest thing.
“I will always be with you and here for you, Champ.”
Griffin smiled. “I know.”
Autumn leaned closer. “I don’t want you to be sad either,” she whispered.
“Come here, sissy.” Jett pulled the little girl to one side, as he dragged Griffin into his other. And the three of them shared a beautiful moment together.
I was in uncharted territory.
Not only with my relationship with Jett, but also living alone.
We ate dinner with the family, then Jett followed Griffin and me to the condos.
He helped us get all our stuff inside and even played with my little guy for a while.
Saying goodnight had been a bit awkward for the two of us and a struggle for my son.
While he said he understood earlier, he still struggled letting him go even just down the hall.
But with the emotional rollercoaster we’d had that day, Griffin crashed after his bath, and I was left alone with my thoughts. I stared at the ceiling in my new room, sleep eluding me once again. There had been too many sleepless nights over the last couple of months.
I grabbed my phone off the nightstand, and my fingers hovered over the screen, itching to text Jett.
Being alone was not something I truly felt comfortable with, as I’d never done it before.
While living with my mother and stepfather didn’t bring happy memories, there’d still been others in the house with me.
However, moving into Gramps’s place with all the family, there had not only been many other people always around, but there was also pure joy, love, and a sense of unity every day.
You can do this.
Did I have to do it completely alone, though?
Jett had said before leaving that he was right down the hall, and if I needed anything, to let him know. A puff of air slipped from my lips when I let out a tiny laugh. What would he think if I texted him and told him that I needed him in bed with me?
There had been so many times when he and I had fallen asleep next to each other—either when one of us was sick, having a hard day, or just talked until we both conked out. We’d never crossed a line, maintaining our best friends-only status, but it had crossed my mind on several occasions.
Nope, the one time on New Year’s Eve was the first time we’d kissed, until a few days ago when I took it upon myself and pressed my lips to his. His mouth felt heavenly both times. But it was his voice I needed to hear before I could go to sleep.
So many nights when he was in the military or missing, even when he was saved, I longed for his voice to be the last thing I heard. He was right down the hall, so why deny myself?
I dialed.
“Patience?” Jett answered on the first ring, his voice laced with concern. “Are you okay?”
Not really, but I’m trying to be.
I may have thought that, but that wasn’t what I said. “Yeah, just not used to being alone.”
A heavy sigh came through the line. “I’m sorry.”
Crap, I shouldn’t have called him. I didn’t want him to feel bad.
“No, it’s okay.” I rubbed the silk fabric of the sheet between my finger and thumb nervously. “I just miss you, even with you down the hall, and I needed to hear your voice before I could go to sleep.”
I was met with silence and wondered if he’d hung up, but when I looked at the phone, the call was still connected. When I put it back to my ear, I finally got my response. Instead of deflection or the same old excuses about what he couldn’t be, he shocked me with his admission.
“Every day that I was gone, I missed you, and I miss you now too.”
My belly fluttered at his words and tender tone.
“I think I can go to sleep now. Night, Jett.”
“Night, Roo.”
When we hung up, warmth spread through me, but it had nothing to do with the blankets I’d pulled up around me and snuggled into.
No, it had everything to do with his confession, the nickname, just hearing him before I went to sleep, and the hope that trickled through me that maybe one day things would be exactly as I dreamed.
Yeah, it had everything to do with my husband.