Abby
That part is true at least. I did turn thirty this year, I do hate the cold, and I would kill for a fresh start.
I feel like I’m in an episode of The Twilight Zone as I stare into the mirror.
With my fiery-red curls, I see more of myself in the reflection than I have in years, yet a stranger looks back at me.
My parents always encouraged me to feel proud of my heritage, although I wasn’t pretty in the same ways the girls at school were.
I used to think my wild hair and porcelain skin were something special, until Conor changed practically everything about me.
Part of my mandatory self-care has been maintaining straight blonde hair and a spray tan to hide my freckles.
It’s ironic that he’s always been so insistent on using my first name since it sounds more Irish, yet he hates my stereotypical Irish features.
With a deep breath, I pull my attention from the mirror and look down at the folio of information on the woman I’m supposed to be meeting today at the library. She’s the whole reason I’m role-playing as a librarian in the first place.
Elia Santori.
Opening the folder, I study the pictures as I finish my coffee. Now she is a beautiful woman. She has olive skin, dark, effortless curls, and curves a goddess would dream of.
Elia Santori. Twenty-five years old. Goes by Ellie, five months pregnant. Engaged to Theodore (Teddy) Taranov: Bratva. Whatever Bratva means. Volunteers at almost every establishment in the general vicinity of Thunder Bay.
It’s not like I had a choice in the first place, but I would’ve agreed to anything Conor wanted in order to get away from him.
Being able to help bring down some bad men is just a plus, even if it means I have to seduce them in the process.
I’ve been forced to sleep with way less attractive guys than the Santori brothers.
But still, befriending another woman is by far the part of this plan I’m dreading the least. Especially one who seems as kind as Ellie.
I’ve studied the information provided to me about all the Santoris, and while her brothers, Niccolò and Gabriele, seem every bit the threat Conor made them out to be, Ellie seems like an angel.
I’ve never seen someone devote so much of their time to helping others.
It’s an anomaly coming from such a harsh family, since it would certainly be within her means to spend her days in complete leisure.
This may be a covert mission, but it’s basically a vacation to me, even with the library work.
I’ve enjoyed lounging about the past few days, but I’m glad to finally have something more to do.
More than lying in my hammock on my beachfront balcony, reading with the sound of ocean waves crashing against the shore.
At least my asshole of a husband has good enough taste to put me up somewhere nice.
Taking the last sip of my coffee, I place my cup in the sink and grab my lunch, ready to start my new life as Abby Reid.
It probably wasn’t the best idea for my first day on the job to be the day my target comes in. It’s just a library. How bad can it be?
Bad.
Who knew being a librarian was this rough? A library is supposed to be peaceful, not the embodiment of stress itself. Maybe it’s just because of the kids program on Thursdays, but I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off from the moment I clocked in.
I was hopeful that I would have some time to spend with Ellie before her class started, but that pipe dream went out the door fast. Hers was the last group of the day before closing, too. Now I have to wait a whole week before I get another chance. Fuck, Conor is going to kill me if I don’t—
“It’s Abby, right? Would you like some help?”
Turning from the stack of books I’ve been shelving, I see the woman in question looking up at where I’m standing on my ladder.
“Um, yes! And you’re Elia?”
She grabs a book from my pile, looks at the spine, and holds it up for me to grab. “Yes! But you can call me Ellie. Is Abby short for anything?”
“Nope!” I say, taking another book from her and putting it in its place. “Just Abby. Thanks for the help, but you don’t have to—”
“Oh, don’t mention it. I usually always stay later and help clean up after my class. I used to really get my workout in on the ladder, but since I got pregnant, everyone has forbidden me from climbing anymore. I’m an excellent hand-er off-er though.”
With a laugh, I take the last of the books in the stack for this section. “Thank you, I would absolutely love your help. This is my first day, and it’s been…a lot.”
“I knew I hadn’t seen you here before! Are you new to the city or the job?” Ellie asks as she rolls the book cart as I move to the next shelf.
“I moved from Canada last week.” Oh fuck, I’m supposed to have been a librarian for years. I should be used to this. “I worked as a librarian there, but things were less…chaotic. We didn’t have a children’s program. It was more of a professional study library.”
What the hell is a professional study library? I guess “I worked at a college library” wasn’t normal enough. Dammit, I’ll need to tell Conor to make sure that lines up.
“We have a ton of kiddos in this area, and since we do all of the programs on one day, Thursdays here are insane. The rest of the week isn’t quite so hectic, though. It’ll probably be more your speed if you’re used to quiet adults.”
Phew, she didn’t call me out on being a weirdo. And also, thank God this isn’t what it’s like every day, or I think I might die.
“Do you lead other classes?”
“Oh no, just the one on Thursday. I have a pretty packed volunteering schedule. But I come in all the time on my way to and from my other obligations. I love to read.”
“Same. What do you like?”
The career as a librarian might be a fabrication, but I do love to read. And the crazier, the better. Diving into incredible worlds has been the only escape from my real life.
“Oh, um.” Ellie blushes. “I mostly like, uh, well…romance.”
I can’t help my burst of laughter. “Monsters or aliens?”
“Both!” she blurts out, causing me to sway on the ladder as we dissolve into giggles. “I like other things, too. I’ve gotten really into hockey romance since meeting my fiancé.”
“Oh, does he like hockey?” I ask, hoping I sound like someone who genuinely doesn’t know that her man and her two brothers play.
“No, he plays. He’s actually the goalie for the Thunder Bay Rising Tide.”
“No way! I love hockey. Growing up in Canada, you kinda don’t have a choice.” I laugh. “How did you two meet?”
“Well, my brothers also play for the Tide. But it’s a little more complicated than that.
They always had a very strict rule against me dating their teammates.
Teddy and I—Oh, his name is Teddy, by the way—anyway, Teddy and I met volunteering at a NICU nearby.
We fell in love pretty quickly, but we both communicated like idiots.
It all came crashing down in the worst possible way, but everything worked out in the end.
Now we’re engaged with a baby on the way! ”
“Aw, congratulations! A great big hockey family!”
“If my fiancé has anything to say about it, it’ll be growing exponentially. He’s been obsessed with me being pregnant…which, if you knew him, is saying something, considering his baseline. Do you have any children?”
And there it is. You knew this would be a question, and you practiced what to say. “No, I don’t.” Very simple: no reason for anyone to ask any follow-up questions. Three words you can just say, and then redirect the conversation right back to Ellie’s family, where it belongs.
Of course that isn’t what happens. Because of every question you’ve ever been asked, that is the one that summons bile into your throat.
That is the one that takes you back to a decade ago, when you were a hopeful newlywed, resplendent in a white dress that was ruined as soon as your husband’s friends started tearing it from you in the honeymoon suite.
It’s past midnight by the time they leave, and it takes everything in me to crawl to the bathroom. Whatever they drugged me with is wearing off, and the merciful numbness that allowed me to float away for the hours of…
I can’t stop the vomit that finally forces its way free, bile burning my nostrils and throat and splattering onto the floor of the shower.
Conor left after he finished, having gone first and last in line.
Of all the “men” who my brand-new, lawfully wedded, till-death-do-us-part husband invited to fuck me on our wedding night, none were as vicious as he was.
He ripped me bare to start the festivities and egged everyone on all night, a monster the likes of which I could have never imagined.
As soon as we were alone and his mask flipped, I tried to rationalize what he was saying and how he was acting.
It was so far from the sweet Conor who had courted me tenderly and gained my trust…
There’s nothing left as I dry heave, the first of the bruises that I’m sure will soon cover my body already beginning to bloom across my arm.
The water ran red when I first crawled inside, but now it’s barely-there pink.
Everything hurts so badly that there’s no telling what sort of long-term damage they’ve done…
With a bang, the door to the suite bangs open, and I hear the proof that the nightmare I’ve been praying for is, in fact, reality.
“Niamh! Where the fuck are you?”
Even if I had the strength to answer him, the sound of the shower is a beacon leading my devil straight to me.
He’s unimpressed by what he sees, roughly grabbing me under my armpit and yanking me to my feet.
I barely manage to stay upright as he tosses me onto the bed and starts wrenching my legs apart again, fastening my ankles tightly to the corners of the bed and then moving to my wrists.
“No, please. I…Conor, I don’t understand. Why—?”
A backhand across my cheek and the disgusting, metallic tang of my bloody lip suffice to silence me, and I notice for the first time a slimy-looking man with a stethoscope lurking in the doorway of the room.
“You’re being a real drama queen about all of this. I was going to drug you again, out of the goodness of my heart, but since you just had to mouth off…well. Dr. Bradford can place your IUD without anything.”
“An IUD…what? I thought we wanted…”
It’s a testament to my delirium that I’m even considering the discussions Conor and I had about children. Those were in a past life. A golden era that, if it ever existed, is truly well and gone now.
“I’ll make sure to secure an heir at some point, but you’re no use to me if you’re fat and covered in stretch marks. Plus, the way I plan to…deploy you as an asset to my business partners, if you get knocked up any time soon, there won’t be a way to tell whose it is, anyway.”
The doctor is spreading me apart now, and even as battered, torn, and raw as I am, I can feel that he’s not wearing gloves. All I can do is whimper as he inserts what must be a speculum and opens it wider than I’ve ever felt at the gynecologist.
“No, Niamh. We’ll do a cycle of egg retrieval and then at some point hire a surrogate to carry a kid or two. In the meantime, this will last ten years.”
A flash of white pain, the worst cramp I’ve ever felt in my life, and then blissful nothingness. My last fleeting thought is that maybe, just maybe…my wish has been granted.
Maybe I’m dead.
Thank fuck he never pushed to have those eggs fertilized. At least to my knowledge, anyway. I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, but I’d do anything necessary to prevent Conor from being a father.
“No, I don’t have any. Maybe someday.” However long it took me to gather myself and answer, it looks like Ellie senses not to pry. Regardless, I turn the conversation back to her so she doesn’t have the chance. My own mask is firmly back in place.
“Do you skate too?”
“Nope!”
“Oh, I just assumed that you might, since your brothers…”
“Trust me, I’ve tried. They inherited every last drop of skating ability. I’m horrible.” She pauses and places her hand on her lower stomach. “I’m hoping this little nugget will get their daddy’s genes. I’m sure between Teddy and my brothers, he or she will be skating before they can walk.”
“I’ve always said toddlers learning to skate is the cutest thing in the world. I used to teach lessons, and they were by far my favorite. Of course, I didn’t have a million running around like the kids today.”
“You must have been pretty good to teach lessons!”
“I wasn’t bad. I had the opportunity to go to nationals, but I mar…” Fuck, you’re blowing your cover, dumbass. “Um, messed my knee up pretty badly.”
“That sucks. I’m sorry.” Ellie’s expression goes from that of genuine sympathy to a look of sudden realization. “Do you still skate?”
“I do occasionally, mostly on the lakes when they freeze over. Why?”
“Well, I am sort of looking for a teacher.”
“Already trying to line someone up for the baby?” I laugh.
“Not exactly. It’s for someone else. Someone who I love dearly, but I think they’ll be a frustrating student.”
Someone she loves? This could be it! My in with the Santori family. Maybe a cousin or something…
“Sure, I guess I can carve out some time for a lesson or two. Is it beginner or—”
“Oh, it’s beginner, or if there’s something before a beginner. We’re in dire straits here,” she snorts.
“In that case, sure! I’ll—”
Ellie practically tackles me to the floor with a bear hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best.”
“It’s no problem at all—”
“Do you mind if I have your number? I’ll pass it along to Misha. And I’ll send you mine.”
“Misha?”
Is Misha an Italian name?
“Yes! Oh, I think you and I are going to be great friends, Abby Reid.”
I can’t fight the grin on my face as I lean into Ellie’s embrace and allow myself to give in to the fantasy that this could be a real friend of mine. That I’m not going to stab this incredible woman in the back at the first chance I get.
“I’d love that.”