Abby
“Are you sure you aren’t just a little sad to be missing their first game together?”
For a split second, I panic, thinking that Ellie’s found out about my relationship with Misha.
Not that it’s a secret, but…shit. At some point, I have to tell her that I am not interested in her brother.
When I explain myself and beg for their help to escape Conor.
It’s not that I’m not trying to figure things out…
it’s just that I’m stuck in a place where I’m terrified to reveal myself to the people I’ve grown to care for.
If I ask for help and they turn me away, angry that I came into their lives just to deceive them.
It would be their right. And Misha…I should have told Misha before he left for New York. Now, I’m stuck here at Santori girls’ night, pretending that I’m not a wannabe snake in the grass turned house cat. What the fuck am I even supposed to tell them?
“Hi, I came here undercover to spy on you and help my violent husband take down your Mafia, but instead of seducing an actual Santori, I fell in love with your acquaintance, and now I’m turning to the good side?”
That shit sounds unbelievable even to my own ears. And who’s to say they won’t think I’m double-crossing them? I guess at that point, it would be a triple-cross?
“Ach, it’s just a preseason game.” Ellie’s nonna answers, saving me from my spiral and handing me a tray of finger foods to carry into the den. “Besides, it’s been too long since we’ve had someone new to indoctrinate into our Sparkle Society.”
When Ellie invited me over for their girls’ night, I wasn’t exactly sure what sort of activities the multigenerational women of the Santori clan would get up to.
Between Nonna’s antics and Ellie’s volunteering, I was ready for anything from knitting hats for the babies at the hospital to going to a strip club.
Movie night sounded tame, but it’s a big deal.
The Sparkle Society, as Giulia explained earlier while we were in the kitchen prepping our snacks, was founded by Nonna when Ellie was a young girl to foster her interest in old Hollywood films.
“It was completely over the top, and also turned out to be unnecessary. Elia was hooked from the beginning. She would have loved Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn with or without silk gloves and sparkling cider in champagne glasses. Although I do think all the pomp and circumstance helped.”
When Ellie found out that I had only ever seen White Christmas, she immediately planned my initiation.
Tonight, we don’t have gloves, but we do have sparkling cider in solidarity with Ellie and enough food to feed a hockey team.
Piling my plate high with petit fours and pizza rolls, a fitting dichotomy for the Santori family, I enjoy the show as Nonna and Ellie fuss about which movie is going to be our matinee this afternoon.
Finally, after a closely contested best-out-of-three rock-paper-scissors match, Nonna pumps her fist in victory as Ellie plops down beside me on the couch.
“It doesn’t matter. You’ll love them both.”
“It does matter!” pipes up Nonna. “You get one shot to hook someone. That’s it. Only one first impression, and if she’s bored, she’ll never want to watch more movies with us!”
“There’s no way she would’ve been bored with Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.”
“And she won’t be bored with Funny Face. There’s plenty of time for Marilyn later. For now, she needs to meet Audrey.”
While Nonna and Giulia gather a few extra blankets for our movie nest, I let myself sink into the comfort of the afternoon.
There’s no reason to worry about anything for now.
This is my first real female friendship in a decade, and even if I’m going to spoil it eventually by outing myself as a liar, I can bask in it a while longer.
“So is Marilyn your favorite old actress? You seemed pretty intent on her movie being the one that pops my old movie cherry.”
“Mmph,” Ellie says around a mouthful of popcorn.
“She’s one of my absolute favorites. People don’t give her enough credit.
Yes, she was beautiful. But her comedic timing was second to none, and just because her persona and fame took on a life of their own, everyone’s forgotten how damn funny she was. ”
“I’ll admit I don’t know anything except the platinum hair and billowing dress. Oh, and seducing President Kennedy.”
At that, she rolls her eyes. “That’s what I’m talking about! She was so much more. Part of the problem is that she was so damn good at flipping the switch.”
“The switch?”
“Yeah, you know, public versus private. Which I can kind of relate to. Allegedly, she was so good at “turning on Marilyn” that you could walk down the street with her quietly, then when she flipped the switch into her movie star persona, people would immediately start recognizing her.”
A bright smile in the face of flashbulbs while Conor digs his fingers into a bruise on my hip, hidden from the view of the cameras.
Feigning ignorance as I talk to Conor’s associate’s wife about her hydrangeas, when I know her husband was inside me less than twenty-four hours ago.
Gazing up at Conor like he’s the love of my life and I’m so proud of his accomplishments as mayor when I know he took ten million away from women’s and children’s charities and funneled it into his own pockets.
Pretending to be so tired from a gala that I excuse myself, when really Conor misjudged my dosage for the evening and I’m coming down sooner than he planned.
“You must know a little about the switch, too,” Ellie whispers.
Luckily, before I have to answer for what I was thinking about, the opening credits roll, and we’re swept into 1950s Paris.
By the time Audrey Hepburn has completed her journey to full fashion icon status at the end of the movie, Nonna and Ellie are both asleep, softly snoring. Giulia quietly rises from the couch and helps me up, and we tiptoe into the kitchen.
“They usually nap for an hour or so, then wake up rested and ready to cause more chaos,” she laughs quietly. “I could use a coffee. Would you like one?”
“That sounds wonderful, thank you.”
As she moves with practiced ease toward a monstrosity of a coffee machine that would look more at home in a gourmet shop than a private home, I bask in the warmth of the homey kitchen.
“Did you enjoy the movie?”
“I did. The age gap between Audrey and Fred Astaire threw me a bit, though. Was it—”
“Thirty years,” Giulia says with a wince. “Certainly one of the bits of the older movies that you notice much more these days.”
She places my cup before me first, then moves back to make her own.
“My grandmother was a seamstress during her youth back in Italy. She loved watching any movie she could, just so she could explain to anyone who would listen what the different fabrics were, how they chose colors to complement the actress’s complexion, things like that.
I never inherited her talent for sewing, but I did learn quite a bit about my season—I’m a deep winter, and Elia is an autumn. ”
“I’ve never done a color analysis. Or sewn anything, really. I was always either outside or at the skating rink as a kid. My parents were definitely the ‘get outside’ type. Not that there’s anything wrong with being inside…”
With a bit of steamed milk, she finishes off her coffee and comes to sit beside me with a wry smile on her face.
“I don’t take your difference in childhood activities as a slight against my parenting, dear. Are you close with your parents?”
Fuck. I’m trapped in the kitchen with Ellie’s mom, and she wants to know about my childhood. I should’ve known. This is classic safe conversation territory for moms—to talk about other moms. Shit, shit, shit. Flip the switch.
“I was! Very close. They’ve passed, unfortunately.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you know that I’m always here if you need anything. We might come off a bit intense at times, but there’s plenty of love in this house.”
“I can tell. You and Mr. Santori are so cute together, if you don’t mind me saying so.”
A soft smile and a twinkle in her eye make it obvious that the spark is definitely still there.
“Not at all. We are, aren’t we? He and I have been in love for a very long time, and although we’ve had our ups and downs, I wouldn’t change a single second of it. There’s no other person in the world who could make me feel so safe. I’ve never had to change myself an ounce for him.”
A love like that would have seemed unimaginable to me even a month ago, but now…
“You know, the time between meeting him and being married with a baby on the way felt like a whirlwind. Especially knowing what he…well, let’s just say some things might have been red flags, as you kids say these days.
But none of that mattered to me. It might have been naivety at the time, but as I said, I wouldn’t change a thing. ”
“Well, I’ve always heard that when you know, you know.”
“Precisely.”
We sip our coffee in quiet camaraderie, interrupted occasionally by a snort from the den, where Ellie and Nonna show no signs of waking anytime soon.
“My Elia actually had a romance quite similar to mine,” Giulia says, taking both our empty coffee cups to the sink. After rummaging in the fridge, she returns with half a cheesecake and two forks.
“She’s told me a bit about how she met Teddy. It seemed like quite the whirlwind, as well.”
We clink our forks together in a toast before digging in, savoring the creamy, sweet cake after the bitter coffee.
“Whirlwind indeed. Elia’s always had so much love to give, but she had bad luck choosing boyfriends and friends who wanted to take advantage of her.”
Like me.
“She had girlfriends in elementary school, but by the time she hit puberty and middle school, the girls had too much ammunition to bully her. Her curves are inherited, as you can tell, and she was an early bloomer. That plus the fact that plenty of girls just wanted to get close to her brothers—”
Like me.
“Made it hard for her growing up. Things like the Sparkle Society were our way of trying to be cool enough for her to want to hang out with us, so she knew we were her friends and she wasn’t alone. It’s hard when you can’t believe anyone’s intentions.”
I know. Believe me, I know. Chloe, who seemed so sweet and interested in the book I was reading in the waiting room of Conor’s office one day, only wanted an introduction so she could sleep with him.
Becka, a woman on the board of the same equine foster charity as me, commiserating over our matching finger-shaped bruises, then blackmailing me with photos showing my drugged-out face being fucked by a man I’d never met.
Jenna, my PA, selling me out to Conor before I could mail a letter to my parents, which took every ounce of my remaining bravery to write.
“It is hard,” I agree quietly.
The cheesecake is gone, and Giulia stands again, putting the empty plate in the sink and pulling a bag of chips from the cabinet.
“I always need something salty after I eat something sweet,” she says with a wink.
We cheers our chips and crunch in silence before she speaks again.
“Teddy is everything Elia needed. We knew it would take someone strong to handle all of our family’s…
intensity. I don’t think any of us expected a man who would handle it quite so well, but the way he loves her is all anyone could want for their child.
A whirlwind, as you said earlier, but they’re just so right together.
There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to keep her safe.
And I don’t think there’s anything she could do to truly make him mad. Not that she doesn’t try.”
“Not that I don’t try what?”
Ellie’s sleepy question from the doorway to the kitchen startles me, and the chip bag I was holding goes flying, spraying crumbs across the kitchen.
Giulia laughs as she grabs a broom, answering honestly.
“To make your fiancé mad.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say mad. I do like to try to ruffle his feathers, though. He just stares at me and sighs. So cute.” Ellie does something. “Speaking of fiancés, Abby. You have yet to tell me how your date with my brother went the other night!”
Shit. I should’ve seen this coming. Why didn’t I realize that I wouldn’t be able to keep pushing off Ellie’s inquiries?
Now she and Giulia are looking at me hopefully, while Nonna saunters into the kitchen.
She grabs a cookie from a tin and joins the “stare at Abby” party.
“Well, actually, that’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. Uh, it was a nice time, but I don’t think we can call it a date. Nikki and I have become wonderful friends, and I cherish him beyond words…But he’s not who I’m seeing.”
It’s Nonna who pushes further. “Well? Don’t make us wait. Who’s your beau?”
Here goes nothing. If anything, I’m excited to tell a single other living soul about the most meaningful relationship I’ve ever had. Hopefully they aren’t upset that it’s their family friend instead of Nikki.
“It’s, um…Misha.”
“Misha!”
“Oh, I can see that. That thick hair and intense energy.”
“Does he talk dirty in Russian?”
“I bet his hair is thick everywhere.”
“Ooo, do you have a Russian nickname?”
“That’s so romantic, you teaching him to skate and then him falling for you…”
“I bet everything is thick—”
Okay. Before I get ordered to draw a diagram, I have to get these hens back in the coop.
“Yes, he talks dirty in Russian. Yes, I have a Russian nickname, and yes, the hair is thick and soft and everywhere. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.” I laugh with a wink.
Nonna fans herself, Giulia looks like she’s remembering her own hairy man, and Ellie slides beside me for as tight a hug as she can manage.
“Misha’s the best. If you’re happy, I’m happy, even if it would have been cool to be related. Honestly, with how close Misha is to Teddy’s family, you basically are anyway. You deserve it, Abby.”
As they titter about my love life, grabbing more snacks for the second feature of the evening with renewed vigor after their nap, her words ring hollow in my heart.
“You deserve it, Abby.”
I wish I did.
But I really fucking don’t.