3 | Samaj
Starting up a conversation with Simone wasn’t part of the plan. I wasn’t sure I wanted to approach her at all. Most days I came to school, did what I needed to do then left without conversing with anyone.
Even the women I’ve dealt with in the past, I’d casually cut communication once I felt like things ran their course. But Simone had me wide open. Being in her presence drew me in and I enjoyed being around her more than I’ve felt being around anyone in a long time.
There were a few guys I’d become cool with over the years, but I considered them more associates than friends.
Not for any other reason than we were just on different paths, and I had a really hard time trusting people.
They were still living for the momentary satisfaction, blowing money, chasing women, and partying, while I just wasn’t on that type of time.
I’d much rather chill at the house, hit the gym or hang out with my brother.
I had my typical college fun in the beginning, but that got old quickly, and now that Shiloh passed, I became even more closed off.
The only guy who really knew me on a personal level was my old roommate Kadeem. He’d hung out with me and Shiloh several times and over the years became more of a brother to me than a friend. Annoying at times, but what sibling wasn’t.
As soon as junior year hit, I moved into an apartment off campus, in an effort to have my space and privacy.
The only person who knew where I laid my head and came over was Kadeem.
Looking back, I don’t know if that was a good idea though because the guy was always popping up without an invitation just like he did today.
“You’re the only person I know who’ll sit in front of the TV and watch it while it’s on mute. I don’t think that’s normal kid,” he said.
I had my feet kicked up and the TV was on ESPN while I was looking at Simone’s contact in my phone trying to figure out what to say.
“You’re the only person I know who likes to show up to my house unannounced. I don’t think that’s normal either.”
He sucked his teeth. “I know you. If I didn’t pop up over here, you’d never have any company. Now what kind of friend would that make me? I’m really doing you a favor.”
“A lie don’t care who tell it,” I retorted.
“What you got up in here to eat?” he asked, walking to the kitchen completely unbothered. I ignored him and went back to my phone.
I’d gone from having one of the toughest days to one of the best all thanks to Simone. We’d been talking on the phone now for the last couple of days getting to know each other but for some reason I was sitting here nervous to ask her if she’d want to spend time with me today.
This time I wanted it to be about her, to show my appreciation.
I didn’t want it to be basic. I needed it to be thoughtful and meaningful, so I was racking my brain trying to come up with the perfect plan.
But I’d been out of the talking phase for a while, so I’d type out a couple of messages only to erase them and start again.
I couldn’t recall the last time I tried to really pursue anything serious with someone. I’ve had a couple of casual relationships over the years but with Simone I wanted things to be… not so casual.
Me: Hey, hope all is well. I would like to see you. If you’re free later, of course.
Simone: I think I can make that happen.
Me: Ok, cool. Can you come to my apartment at 6:30pm?
The typing bubbles appeared, then disappeared.
I realized that she probably didn’t feel comfortable coming to my crib, which is completely understandable.
My invite wasn’t an attempt to get her in my bed or anything like that.
I dragged a hand down my face in frustration, knowing that I had dropped the ball.
“What’s your problem?” Kadeem asked, reclaiming his spot on the chair, this time with a couple of snacks in his hand.
“You’re still here?” I questioned with fake annoyance.
“Who the hell eats oatmeal cookies Samaj?” Kadeem quipped while tearing open the package.
“Clearly you do.”
“The only thing clear is I gotta fight for my life when I come over here. Oatmeal cookies, coconut water, Chomps sticks and a bunch of fruit. I’ll make it work, but this is crazy, bro. You need some Honey Buns, Hot Cheetos, or something next time I come over here.”
“Nah, eat that mess at your place.”
“I need a break from my place. Bro, I swear my upstairs neighbors be up there roller skating, bowling, and rearranging furniture in the middle of the night. I just can’t prove it.”
“Do your parents get a check for you?” I looked at him waiting for an answer, because the things that came out of his mouth were always throwing me for a loop.
“You’re focused on the wrong thing.”
“You know what, don’t even worry about it because next time you pop up over here, I’m just not opening the door.”
Completely missing the point, Kadeem replied, “if you’d give me a copy of the keys, you wouldn’t need to open the door for me.”
Before I could come up with a comeback, my phone buzzed.
Simone: Ok, I can stop by, but I can’t stay long. Drop the address.
Me: Bet
I sent her my address, jumped to my feet, and slid my phone into my pocket.
“Eat your snacks and then lock the door on your way out. I got things to do.”
I don’t usually get nervous around women. Beautiful women, women who look like trouble, or girls who want me to be their next distraction, but Simone? Something was different about her. So yeah, tonight your boy was a little nervous.
My first stop was a flower shop. I couldn’t remember the last time I ever bought a girl flowers, let alone this many.
I picked out several different flowers, unable to settle on just one, and the florist arranged them into a huge bouquet.
I didn’t even know if she liked flowers like that, but I wanted to get them all for her, which was completely unlike me.
I even wanted to call my mom and ask for her opinion, but things with her were still off, so I didn’t call.
Once upon a time, I could talk to my mom about almost anything.
My mom always had this way of making me feel like I was the most intelligent kid.
Her praises and words of affirmation built an unshakable confidence in me growing up.
I excelled in school, and I attribute a lot of that to her being my biggest cheerleader.
I wish we could have that close relationship again.
My second and final stop was to get her a small thoughtful gift. Based on my observations over the past couple of months, it was clear she loved the color green and had a thing for sea turtles.
After a few Google searches, I was able to locate a gift shop by the beach that seemed like it would have what I was looking for.
Inside, I wandered around shelves of handmade jewelry, trinkets, and coastal décor until I finally found it—a delicate silver bracelet with a tiny sea turtle charm. Simple. Elegant. Very her.
I headed to the register, already mentally rehearsing how I’d give it to her, when I looked up and froze.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” she said flatly. “Samaj.”
“Danielle,” I replied, keeping my tone polite.
“Didn’t know you worked here.”
“Yeah,” she said, scanning the bracelet with a little more force than necessary.
“Not like you were looking for me.”
I blew out a slow breath, doing my best not to get annoyed. Danielle and I had messed around months ago.
Nothing serious, nothing deep, at least not to me.
“Danielle, I’m not doing this right now,” I said calmly, glancing at the lady and young girl who I assumed was her granddaughter get in line behind me.
She scoffed. “Of course not. Just ghost me and pretend everything is all good.”
“Okay, Danielle, let me apologize. I’m sorry for how I handled things.
” I knew I hadn’t handled the fade-out the best way.
Still, this wasn’t the time or place. I thought I was off the hook and that she’d let things go, but I guess that wasn’t in the cards for me.
Who knew that after all these months she would still be feeling some kind of way.
“I find it funny how guys always want to chase you and then when they get you they fumble you. That’s crazy work.”
I was officially annoyed now because we both knew there had never been a chase involved and I couldn’t have possibly fumbled someone I never tried to hold onto in the first place.
“You know what’s really crazy? How you think it’s appropriate to have this conversation while you’re on the clock, like you don’t see these folks waiting in line behind me.” I placed enough bills on the counter to cover the cost.
“Wrap my gift up, please, so I can get up out of here.”
Her jaw tightened, but she rang me up without another word, wrapping the bracelet in crisp white paper and tying it off with the green ribbon I picked out. And with that, I grabbed my bag and walked out.
By the time the private chef I hired arrived, I had almost talked myself out of the whole thing. Would she think I was doing too much? Was I in over my head? But I pushed through nerves and all.
When she texted that she was here, my stomach dropped.
I opened the door—and wow.
Simone stood there looking effortlessly beautiful, as usual.
A brown two-piece set hugging her small frame.
Her oversized cream sweater matched her cream-and-brown New Balances perfectly.
One thing about Simone: she was going to wear a damn sweater or cardigan and for some reason I loved her kindergarten teacher swag.
In addition to her style and the way she carried herself, I think it was her glasses that got me the most. Her brown eyes were perfectly slanted behind those gold frames.
God definitely said, “These eyes are too pretty, gotta frame them.”
“Hey,” she smiled, soft and warm.
I stepped aside. “Hey. Come in.”
She walked past me and instantly noticed the dining table.
“Samaj…” she breathed out. “These flowers—this whole setup—this is beautiful.”