11 | Samaj #2
Seeing Simone cry wasn’t easy, but I was so hurt and overwhelmed that I couldn’t be around her any longer.
I kept replaying her words in my head. The news about my parents.
The look in her eyes when she told me. I knew she didn’t mean any harm, but it still felt like someone had yanked the floor out from under me.
And the part that cut the deepest was she knew before I did.
Staying there would've made it worse. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I left.
After dropping her off I wasn’t even sure what to do or where to go. After driving around for a while I found myself at the cemetery. Somewhere I hadn’t been since we laid Shiloh to rest in August.
The second I reached Shiloh’s grave, everything in me broke.
“Man…I can’t do this,” I whispered, voice cracking. “I’m so tired, Shy. I’m tired. I feel like I'm in a free fall with no parachute.”
The tears came fast and hot. I hadn’t cried like that since the night before he passed. Rage. Guilt. Heartbreak. Everything hit me at once. Losing Shiloh, my parents falling apart, selling our home, finding out things from Simone I should’ve heard from my own family…
I stayed there until the tears finally slowed and my chest stopped feeling so tight.
Two weeks.
That’s all I had left before relocating. The fresh start I’d been dreaming about for years, and yet everything in my life was falling apart right before I left.
I ended up going back to the lounge and found the rest of the crew still in the section. I slapped Kadeem on the back.
“I need a drink!” He looked at me with wide eyes.
“Yo, ya’ll came back?” I ignored him, grabbed the bottle of Tequila off the table, and poured myself a generous shot.
“Aye you good?” Emon came up to ask me.
“Yeah, I’m straight.” But I could tell he wasn’t convinced. I decided to exit the section passing Mo who was still in the same spot I’d last seen him. I headed to the bar to avoid all the questioning, but Kadeem followed me anyway.
“I don’t want to talk right now. Just need a drink.” I spoke. I could see the worry in his eyes. Then Emaree came rushing over, making things worse.
“Where’s Simone?” she questioned.
“I took her home.” I waved the bartender down and ordered my drink with an extra shot on the side.
“What’s going on? What do you mean you took her home? Did you do something because I swear if you hurt her, I’m beating your—.” Kadeem pulled her away from me and they argued a little before she stormed away.
“Aye, you don’t have to talk about whatever happened right now, but at some point, we gotta talk.
I need to walk Emaree out to her car just stay right here.
” He said stepping away. I took my first drink, and I was now on my third shot.
I needed to feel anything other than the ache that was in my chest. Kadeem couldn’t have been gone more than a few minutes when a woman slid up beside me, resting her hand on my arm.
“You’re too fine to be in here lookin’ this stressed,” she spoke in my ear so I could hear her above the music.
I looked at her, and I had to admit she was attractive and smelled good too, but I wasn’t interested.
I held my arm up to keep her from coming any closer.
“Nah. Chill. I’m good.” She waved down the bartender and ordered us both shots.
“On me. You look like you could use it.”
I took the shot without thinking even though I was already feeling the shots from earlier.
“You want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“Ok, we don’t have to talk. We can do other things.” She said rubbing her hand on my thigh.
“I said I’m good. I’m married.”
She snorted. “I don’t see a ring on your finger and besides, I’m just trying to have a good time. I think you could use it.”
Tipsy or not I wasn’t about to go there with her.
“Woman I am married,” I insisted, fumbling for my phone. “Matter fact—hold on.”
I dialed Simone and put her on speakerphone as if I weren’t in a noisy lounge.
She answered on the second ring, soft voice, tired.
“Hello?”
“Tell this girl,” I slurred, “that we married so she can—so she can get out my face.”
“Samaj?” she said, confused. I could barely hear her over the speakers.
“Baby, tell her.”
“Samaj, what is going on?”
Before she could continue, Kadeem swooped in like a linebacker, putting his arm between me and the woman.
“Oh, hell nah,” he said. “Back up. He drunk, but he ain’t available.”
He snatched my phone.
“Simone, hey, it’s Kadeem. He’s been drinking. I’m taking him home right now though.”
I tried to protest, but I knew I didn’t have the strength to fight back.
Next thing I knew, I was passed out on the passenger seat, head banging against the window every time he hit a bump in the road. Kadeem drove his Challenger like he was in the Fast and Furious, no telling how many tickets he has because of it. I just knew I was going to be sick.
By the time we made it to my place, my stomach was turning and my head felt like it was splitting open. Kadeem did his best to help me get into my apartment, but as soon as he unlocked the door, my legs gave out completely, so he had to pick me up and carry me inside.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, pushing his arms away from me once we got to my bedroom.
“You look like you got hit by a bus,” he said before disappearing into my bathroom. A second later, he came back out holding a bottle of Tylenol and some water.
“Drink this.”
“No. I told you I’m fine.”
He sighed and picked my phone back up. “Alright big homie. Let me just call the real boss around here.”
Before I could grab it, he hit speaker. She answered again, voice alert this time.
“Hello?”
“Simone,” Kadeem said, sounding exhausted. “Your boy is down bad. Tell him to drink this water and Tylenol so he doesn’t die in his sleep.”
“Kadeem—give me the phone.” I muttered.
“Nah. You decided to get drunk knowing you’re a lightweight. Crying and talking crazy in the car on the way here. Now you won’t take water, or the damn Tylenol, and refuse to go to bed.”
I groaned, suddenly very concerned about whatever I might’ve confessed in the car.
“Simone, he’s lying.”
“Kadeem doesn’t even know how to lie.” She said already knowing how blunt and straightforward our friend was.
Kadeem pointed at the phone triumphantly. “That’s my girl.”
I stuck up my middle finger. Simone sighed softly.
“Samaj… please drink the water and take the Tylenol.”
I closed my eyes. That tone alone weakened me.
“Samaj.” She paused. “Do that for me please.”
I grabbed the bottle out of Kadeem’s hand and chugged half of it.
“There you go,” she said, voice warm. “Take the Tylenol too.”
I did.
“And get in bed.”
Like a child being scolded, I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. I sat on the edge of the bed, head throbbing. I took off my shoes and got settled into bed.
“Not gonna lie, these oatmeal cookies kind of slap. You might be on to something.” When this man found time to go into my pantry, I had no clue.
“Let me go before ya’ll start talking freaky. I’ll go pick up your car.” Kadeem said, tossing my phone on the bed and closing the door behind him before I could respond.”
Simone laughed before taking a deep sigh.
A few moments of silence passed, and she remained on the phone patiently waiting for me, but I was still being stubborn.
“I’m supposed to be mad at you.” I told her.
“I know.”
Overwhelmed with emotion, tears started falling down my face before I could stop them.
“Good things never last in my life.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. My life is a mess.”
My eyes were already closing.
“Simone…” I murmured. “I’m sorry baby. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”
“It’s Ok,” she said. “Get some sleep.”
Her voice was the last thing I heard before everything faded out.