19 | Samaj
My flight back home was long and dreadful. We were delayed two hours on my first flight, then on my connecting flight a teething baby couldn’t find comfort and cried most of the way. I missed work and ended up sleeping the entire day. Seeing Simone yesterday didn't go how I would've liked.
On one hand I was happy to lay eyes on her and find out that she didn’t completely hate me.
She even admitted to missing me, but our reunion wasn't under the best circumstances.
Simone and GiGi are really close, so I sympathized with the worry she had to feel when she found out she was in the hospital.
Staying with GiGi was the right thing to do, but I'll admit part of me did it because I had Simone's well-being in mind too.
Her walking away from me hurt a little at the time, but after thinking about it on the flight home, I realized it was probably for the best. Emaree's words 'have you been working on yourself,' also played in my head because, have I?
The following day while on my lunch break I went online to find some new hobbies or activities I could check out, and I came across a run club that I met on Saturday mornings.
They looked… normal. Chill. Not overly athletic to the point of intimidating, but still about their fitness.
I figured, why not? Worst case scenario I turn around and go home.
But it turned out better than anything I could’ve imagined. The energy was good. People were friendly.Nobody cared that I was new. We ran along a trail near the lake, the air crisp, the city still waking up around us. For the first time since moving here, I felt like I could breathe.
After the run, a few people stuck around to talk, stretch, and hang out. That’s when I met Jaidenn, a tall, goofy dude with a big smile and bigger personality. The kind of person who made friends just by existing.
“You new?” he asked, handing me a bottle of water.
“Yeah. First time.”
“Cool. Hope you stick around. We need more guys who can actually keep up.” He laughed. “What do you listen to when you run?”
“Just regular stuff… Hip-Hop and R&B.”
“You ever gotten into Christian rap?”
I almost choked. “Christian rap? Nah.”
“Bro, don’t look at me like that. It goes crazy. Here—” He pulled out his phone and airdropped me a playlist titled Kingdom Heat.
I didn’t think much of it at the time. But later that night…When I walked into my apartment, I tossed my keys on the counter and remembered Jaiden’s playlist. I put it on, expecting to skip half the songs.
But man, the beats, and the lyrics…Fire!
Different from anything I normally listened to. Hood but holy. Real but raw. Way better than the typical stuff that just talked about money and bodies.
I found myself nodding along, turning the volume up, letting the bass fill my place to songs from artists like Caleb Gorden, Hulvey, KB and Dee-1. It made the apartment feel less empty. It made me feel less empty. And before I knew it, that playlist was all I listened to for days.
The next weekend, Jaiden sent me a private message outside of the Run Club group chat:
Broooo, Dru the Disciple concert. Saturday. You down?
At first, I was going to talk myself out of it. Remain in my comfort zone and just chill at the house, but I knew I couldn’t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result, so I texted back.
I’m down.
The concert was packed. Lights low, bass hitting the floor, everybody moving, hands up, praising and vibing all at once. It felt like a church and a concert had a baby.
At some point, Jaiden bumped into a couple of friends, and we all made plans to grab food at a spot not too far from the venue.
One of them was a young woman named Vanessa. She was tall, with a warm caramel complexion, and had a confident smile. Pretty. And she knew she was pretty.
We all clicked easily. Laughing, joking, vibing. I caught her flirting with me. But I didn’t flirt back. I couldn’t. Even if part of me was missing that female interaction. I hadn’t been with a woman intimately in a long time.
With Simone I hadn’t entertained the thoughts of sex because I knew where she stood, but Vanessa seemed like she would be down for whatever. Which was dangerous. The way she leaned forward when I spoke, the way she laughed a half-second too long… she wasn’t subtle.
“You just moved here, right?” she asked.
“Couple months ago.”
“You liking Union Heights?”
“It’s alright.”
Her smile widened. “I could show you a few spots. If you want.” She opened her Instagram and asked for my handle. Knowing I barely used social media I didn’t think too much of it and gave it to her.
When I got home, I showered and warmed up my leftovers from earlier. I pulled out my laptop and decided to spend the next couple of hours reviewing my investment portfolio, something I’d been doing for years now, and has become almost second nature.
I was around sixteen when my dad first sat me down and explained the basics.
Not in a flashy, get-rich-quick way, but slow, intentional, and disciplined.
He taught me how money could work for you if you were patient enough to let it.
Long-term investing. Dividends. Compound interest. Risk versus reward.
Lessons I didn’t fully appreciate back then, but ones I grew into.
I started with stocks of blue-chip companies at first, the ones my dad trusted because they’d been standing long before me and would likely still be standing long after.
Over time, I branched out. Index funds for stability.
ETFs to balance risk. A few growth stocks I researched obsessively before committing.
I never chased hype. My dad always said, if everybody’s talking about it, you’re already late.
As I got older, I learned how to read charts, trends, and earnings reports.
I dabbled in options trading carefully, strategically never more than I was willing to lose.
I liked the challenge of it, the way it forced me to think three steps ahead.
Crypto came later, and even then, I approached it with caution.
Small positions. Long holds. No emotional decisions.
Investing gave me a sense of control I didn’t always have in life. Markets made sense when people didn’t. Numbers didn’t lie, and discipline always paid off eventually.
As I scrolled through my accounts, rebalancing here and adjusting there, gratitude settled in my chest. My dad hadn’t just taught me how to make money, he taught me how to think long-term, how to plan, how to prepare for a future I couldn’t yet see just yet.
As I got comfortable in bed ready to call it a night my curiosity got the best of me and I found myself logging into my Instagram account. Soon I got on there was a notification.
A new message in my DMs from
mspretty_v_xoxo
Vanessa had sent me a list of places she wanted to take me to. Food spots, lookout points, bars, museums. She wasn’t wasting time. I exhaled, leaning back.A distraction wouldn’t hurt… right?
“We should hang out sometime. I’ll show you the best food spots in Union Heights.”
She was bold, direct, and tempting. Maybe too tempting.
I switched over to Simone’s page. And immediately my chest tightened.
She had posted a photo a few hours earlier.
Her wearing a yellow sundress, standing at the water’s edge on the beach.
Sandals dangling from her fingers. Skin glowing.
Smiling in that soft innocent way that used to knock the breath out of me.
My heart skipped a beat like it always did with her.
I shouldn’t have looked. I had been pushing her to the back of my mind since I got here pretending distance made things easier. Two months of trying to bury her, and one picture undid everything.
“Damn,” I whispered, rubbing my face. I hated how much she still had this effect on me.
She looked happy.
Peaceful.
Beautiful in that quiet way that always messed me up.
Because no matter how far I ran, no matter how hard I tried to move on…
I still wanted her. Badly. And wanting her was the one thing I couldn’t shake.
Not even three thousand miles away. Wanting her and knowing that I wasn’t in a place to really be with her was a hard pill to swallow every day.
Maybe it was a case of self-sabotage or maybe it was a harsh reality that I’d have to accept sooner than later.
I closed out of the app and tossed my phone on the other side of the bed and decided to find something to watch on TV before falling asleep.
The run club met again on a warm Thursday evening, and for once, I didn’t drag my feet getting there. I’d been trying to follow my dad’s advice to give Union Heights a chance instead of isolating myself in my apartment like a ghost.
When I arrived, music was playing from a portable speaker, people were stretching and talking, and the vibe was easy and welcoming. That’s when I spotted Jaiden the dude with the big personality I’d met the first time.
“Samaj! What’s up bro, I see you came back,” he said, dapping me up. “Told you this group was legit.”
“It’s better than running alone,” I admitted.
After our run I asked Jaiden to hang but he had plans with his girl. I thought about going home but I was in no rush to head back to an empty and lonely apartment, so I pulled out my phone and responded back to Vanessa’s DM.
What you up to tonight?
Almost instantly she replied, making herself available so I told her to send me the info to one of the best lounges and I’d meet her there.
Vanessa walked in wearing a fitted black dress, simple but confident, and she smelled good like vanilla with something fresh underneath.
Talking to her was easy largely because I didn’t have to get too deep or share too much.
She flirted without hesitation touching my arm, leaning in, when she spoke and laughing at things I knew weren’t that funny.
“So, what’s your deal?” she asked over the rim of her drink. “You single?”
“Yeah,” I told her. “Single… but not really available like that.”