Chapter 33
I’m engaged…and I’m still married.
Just seven months ago, I got Everly and I out of hell, but I’m still married to the devil. So why did I accept a proposal from the man of my dreams?
Charlie, what am I supposed to do? Am I making the same mistake twice?
The absence of her response stabs my heart the same way it does every time I catch myself “talking” to her.
I’ve been attending Delilah’s women’s group at the ranch for a couple months and it’s helped me regulate my emotions. But this is a whole new level of mixed emotions.
I love Greyson wholeheartedly in a way I never loved Carter. But both men promised me safety and stability. Am I jumping from one cage to another?
“There you are.” Greyson’s deep voice and hand to my shoulder scare the ever-loving shit out of me and I jolt, sloshing coffee everywhere.
“Shit. I’m sorry, honey. I thought you heard me. Stay right there, I’ll get a towel.”
Greyson rushes to grab a few hand towels from beneath the sink, focusing first on drying the coffee splotches on me—and repeatedly checking that I wasn’t burned. He cleans the rest of my mess and brings me a fresh cup of coffee.
“Thank you. Sorry, I was lost in thought,” I say to the creamy swirls in my mug.
We don’t need to head out to the ranch to get the girls until later today. Cecelia has grand plans for her grandbabies.
“Everything okay?” he asks, sitting beside me at the table with coffee of his own.
I hesitate, history telling me to keep my thoughts to myself and not burden Greyson. But a warm hand rubbing my back encourages me to be honest. Charlie would want me to advocate for myself, and for Everly.
“I’m conflicted about getting married again.” I hold my breath so tightly my lungs ache; I don’t want Greyson to be angry with me or take back his proposal.
Instead of shrugging me off, chastising me, or backhanding me, Greyson turns in his chair to better face me and gently takes my hand in his.
“Talk it through with me, honey. We’ll get through this.” His reaction is so otherworldly I don’t know what to do—so I say nothing.
Greyson chuckles warmly, his smile doing something to my insides.
“Tell me you’re worried about getting married to me because of my work, and I’ll give it up in a heartbeat.
Tell me getting married scares you because of finances and I’ll put your name on every deed and account today.
So long as you still love me, we can work through anything else.
” He kisses the back of my hand and calmly waits.
“I love you more than I ever knew a person could love someone.” Tears prick my eyes.
“Then we can get through the rest, honey.”
My shoulders drop from my ears, and I exhale the anxiety strangling my lungs.
“I can just say what’s on my mind, just like that?”
“Yea, I’d prefer it actually. Be straight with me and we’ll solve whatever it is together.”
“Okay…I’m afraid I’m following a pattern of relying on a man for stability and safety. Last time I got the opposite of that after being promised the world.” I’m ashamed to admit it, and afraid Greyson will be offended being compared to Carter.
“I respect that you feel that way. The difference though, honey, is Carter’s not a man. He’s a narcissist who used fists and threats to force you to submit to him. He didn’t want a partner in life, he wanted property.”
Greyson pauses, seething from even thinking about Carter’s motives, and takes a moment to ground himself with deep breaths. I appreciate more than he knows his effort controlling his temper. Even though I know he’d never hurt me, he’s so careful not to trigger me.
“I want you to be my equal partner, hell, your happiness and wellbeing are far more important than mine. Not only will I never lay a hand on you in any manner other than lovingly, but I’ll bow at your feet as the queen you are.
You are no one’s property.” Greyson’s jaw muscle pulses with the intensity he’s desperately trying to hold back.
I nod my acceptance of his promise.
“I’m afraid of being trapped financially again,” I admit, more empowered this time.
“Honey, I’ve already spoken with James at length about this and he’s ready to draft any and all documents needed to assure your financial independence. I’d gladly sign a pre-nup giving you everything I’ve got to prove I want you to be taken care of, even if you ever want to leave.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I look away from this man who’s so selflessly providing for me and Everly.
“I want to marry you because I’m insanely in love with you.
Certifiable. Lock me up and throw away the key.
You hold my heart and always will. But I also want to marry you to protect you and Everly.
I want to protect you legally, financially, with health insurance, life insurance—every way I possibly can.
I want you to have the legal benefits of being my spouse.
Benefits you were lawfully owed by Carter which he withheld and used to imprison you. ”
I don’t know what to say. What is there to say when you’re being offered the world?
“What else, love? What else is bothering you?” he asks, still as calm and collected as if we were eating family dinner.
“I’m still married to Carter.”
“Not for long, you’re not. He was served with those papers just over a month ago and we haven’t heard a peep.
You could petition the court for a default judgment and the judge would make the decision on the divorce and disposition of assets.
But men like Carter would never give up their power so readily.
We’ll hear from him sooner than later and get this settled. ”
“Wait, I thought you said I wouldn’t have to talk to him.” My anxiety ratchets back up, bursting through the top of the pressure gauge.
Greyson scoots his chair back and hoists me into his lap, hugging me tightly.
“You won’t. I’ll never let anything happen to you or Everly. I swear on my life, he’ll never lay a finger on you ever again,” he vows.
Please let him be right.
Another two weeks pass without incident. Each day I vacillate between panicking that today will be the day Carter comes to ruin everything—and sighing with relief Greyson takes such incredible care of us.
My twenty-sixth birthday came and went, ushering me into a new chapter of my life.
I happily said goodbye to twenty-five. The party to end all parties was the perfect way to celebrate both me and Everly, so on my actual birthday, we celebrated by hunkering down in the living room with pizza and movies.
It was the best birthday I’ve ever had.
As time ticked on, that nagging voice telling me when something seems too good to be true, it probably is has gotten louder. Despite silencing it time and time again, it’s rolled around in my subconscious, keeping me on edge.
It’s the last day before spring break and I’m towards the front of the pick-up line, early as always. The bell rings and a knock to the passenger window startles me. I roll it down quickly to greet the principal of Swiftwater Elementary.
“Mr. Tam, how are you? Is everything alright?” I ask politely, despite the nerves cartwheeling in my stomach.
“Fine, fine. Thank you for asking. As for if everything being alright, that’s for you to decide,” Mr. Tam says ominously, sending my blood pressure through the roof of the car.
“A gentleman came to the front office today asking for Everly, stating he was her father.”
My head whips in every direction, searching for Carter. This can’t be happening.
I can’t breathe, I need to get the girls out of here.
“We declined to give him any information because he’s not on her list of approved contacts. He grew quite agitated and eventually left in a huff. It’s our responsibility to notify the parent, in this case, you, of incidents like this,” he says uncomfortably.
I nod, unable to force a smile, death surely written across my face. Mr. Tam taps on the window frame twice before walking away.
I do the only thing I can think of.
Tell Greyson.
Me: He’s here.
The girls race to the car and scramble inside to escape the icy March wind. They buckle themselves like they always do, but I’m paralyzed with fear, unable to turn around and ask about their day.
“What’s wrong Mommy?” Harper asks. Hearing her call me mommy still warms my heart, but today I can’t appreciate it the way I should—when it might be the last time I hear it.
“You look like when other Daddy used to come home,” Everly says, breaking my heart.
A honk behind me snaps me from my trance, and I pull out of the pick-up line and onto Main Street.
“Everything’s fine, girls. Mommy’s just not feeling well. I’m going to take you to the ranch for the afternoon, okay?” I manage, even if I sound like a reanimated corpse.
The girls cheer, quickly forgetting my strange behavior and joyously chatter in the backseat. As we make our way through town, every tall man with brown hair catches my eye giving me repeated heart attacks.
The car drives itself to Lucky Spurs Ranch. It’s a miracle we made it in one piece. I park in front of Delilah’s therapy barn, and she comes out to see who’s here. The girls unbuckle and swing the car doors open, slamming them shut.
One look at me through the windshield and she knows something is horribly wrong.
“I’ve got the girls. Do whatever you need to do. It’s going to be okay,” she assures me.
Nothing is okay. It never will be, ever again.
The rational side of me says to stay at the ranch where there’s safety in numbers, but my instincts override logic, and I put the car back in gear.
They say people react to danger in one of four ways. Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. When I was growing up, fawning usually got our parents off our case. Sometimes Charlie would fight, but it never worked.
Carter’s volatility made it impossible to anticipate whether I should freeze or fawn, and inevitably, I often chose wrong and was stuck facing the consequences. I never dared fight.
Today, for the first time, I fly. I have to run, get out of here, far away from Carter. I can’t let him hurt these incredible people I’ve come to love and consider to be my family.
I suppose leaving Carter in the first place was a delayed flight response, but this is something different entirely. I have no control over my body or decision making.
In a blink, I’m parked behind the hardware store, slipping on the icy steps leading to our apartment. Within minutes, I’ve destroyed Everly’s bedroom, emptying her closet to find our suitcases, where I’d stored them all those months ago.
The déjà vu is haunting, going on autopilot, grabbing the same kinds of items I packed for me and Everly when we fled Carter’s house. I don’t register how much time is passing because my motions are stunted, and I continuously forget what I’m doing.
The front door crashes open and Greyson bursts into the apartment.
“MIA! MIA!” he shouts over and over until he finds me catatonic in our bathroom.
“Oh thank god.” His brief sigh of relief is short lived. “Mia, goddamn it, why aren’t you answering your fucking phone?”
He’s not swearing at me. He’s swearing because he’s terrified. But not more than I am.
“Must be on silent,” I reply in a haze.
Greyson stands before me, panic stricken across his handsome face, eyes wild with every emotion. He gently brushes my hair over my shoulders, smoothing it down my back. He bends to meet me at eye level, dabbing away my tears gently with a tissue.
“Honey, what happened?” The calmness in his voice is forced, laced with worry.
“He’s here.” Is all I can say.
“Did he touch you? Did he hurt you? I swear I’ll cut every single—”
“No. I didn’t see him. He went to the school trying to get Everly,” I explain.
“FUCK!” Greyson explodes. “No fucking way in hell is he getting anywhere near our baby, or you. Over my dead body.”
“You have to let us go,” I say, the numbness receding, being replaced by excruciating pain losing the man I love.
“No.”
“What?”
“No. You’re not going anywhere. There’s nowhere safer for you than with me.”
“If Everly and I leave, we’ll take any threat away from you and Harper, and from everyone we love at the ranch. I can’t risk anyone getting hurt because of me,” I say, tears running down my cheeks.
We go back and forth this way until we’re blue in the face. It’s then that Greyson does something I never expected.
He lowers himself to the floor on his knees, taking my hands in his.
“Please, Mia. I’m begging you not to go.
As much as I want to handcuff you to me, I’ll never steal your autonomy.
But I’m desperate, honey. I’m selfish as hell, and I won’t make it without you—I need you.
Harper needs you. It’s all so new, but she’s been so much happier now that she can call you her mom, not just her nanny.
We can’t separate the kids, it’s not an option.
We’ll go with you. Anywhere we need to go for you to feel safe,” Greyson pleads.
His truths wake me the hell up. This man hasn’t begged for a thing in his life. Not for his mom’s attention. Not for her to wait to remarry. Not for Vanessa to come back and be a family with him and Harper.
But for me, Greyson kneels, begging with his life for any way we can stay together as a family. I sink to the floor and sob into his soft, flannel covered chest. Without hesitation, he holds me tightly, shifting to cradle me on the bathroom tiles.
“I’m so sorry.” My cries are muffled by his shirt.
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Just let me, okay?” My assertiveness surprises us both.
“Of course, honey. Anything you need.” Greyson smooths my hair again and again, relaxing me enough to continue.
“I’m sorry for bursting into your life unannounced. I’m sorry for saddling you with my problems. I’m sorry for bringing trouble to your door. I’m sorry you have to deal with Carter. But most of all, I’m sorry for trying to leave.
“Landing in Swiftwater had to be Charlie’s way of guiding me to safety.
She brought me to you because together, we can conquer any challenge.
The universe knew there were two little girls who desperately needed a sister and two loving parents.
I promise to never run from you, from this incredible life we’re building together. All I want is you and this family.”
"You don't have to run ever again," Greyson swears.